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342: How to Work with and Tame the Inner Critic with Jenny Jansen
All of us have an inner critic ? the part that reminds us of our limits and our failures and tries to ?keep us in line.? It?s that voice inside your head that can be critical, judgmental and even mean. Though it?s just one part of who we are, the inner critic is one of those parts that can be especially painful and stressful to deal with.
Not only does the inner critic impact our sense of self-worth, but it also keeps us stuck and small in life (although it thinks it?s keeping us safe). We will often find this part standing between us and the dreams that are in our heart, telling us all the reasons why we can?t or shouldn?t.
That is what Adult Chair® Coach Jenny Jansen encountered when she was considering joining The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. She knew her heart was telling her to take the leap, but her inner critic dialed the volume up and tried to keep her stuck in fear.
In this episode, Jenny tells the story of how she used The Adult Chair® to work with and transform her inner critic and how that was the first step toward living a life where she feels purposeful, energized and successful. Jenny shares a detailed example of doing her own parts work, helping illustrate what this work looks like in real life and how transformational it is.
Listen to discover:
How Jenny transformed her inner critic from her Adult Chair The tools Jenny used to work with her inner critic A beautiful parts work example from Jenny?s work How Jenny overcame her fears about The Adult Chair Coaching Certification and became an amazingly successful coachAs Jenny worked with her inner critic, she discovered that underneath the blame and shame it was throwing her way was fear. This is usually the case for our Adolescent parts ? they are afraid and want to keep us safe. When we turn towards them with our healthy Adult voice and let them know they?re ok, they transform.
Jenny?s story is a powerful example of how the goal is not to get rid of parts of ourselves but rather to integrate them into our whole self, with our healthy Adult in charge.
?I feel like my inner critic was born when I was born.? - Jenny Jansen
?When I turned toward it, I realized there was so much fear underneath.? - Jenny Jansen
?The more you turn away from that voice, it gets louder.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When we?re able to turn toward those parts and get to know them, they morph.? - Michelle Chalfant
?A lot of times, we mix up feeling safe with feeling familiar.? - Jenny Jansen
?What is it going to take to move your body path in line with your soul path?? - Jenny Jansen
?When we take these risks and work with these inner parts and walk through our fears, we become more authentic. We live more from our true self, our true essence, and we have an experience of it.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Jenny Jansen Website
https://www.trueconsciousliving.com/
2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022!
https://theadultchair.com/certification
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
341: How To Stop People Pleasing and Codependency at the Holidays
It?s that time of year again?the holidays are officially upon us!
This is a happy time, but it can also be really triggering?especially for those of us who struggle with people pleasing and codependency.
This time of year puts us around more people than usual, and more demands are placed on us during this time?a combo that is like kryptonite for those who are addicted to other people. No wonder the holidays are so exhausting!
On today?s show, I?m helping you figure out how to stay in balance this holiday season, with practical steps you can take today (yes, before the first family gathering even begins!).
We?re talking about how to catch ourselves when we?re getting pulled into others? wants, needs and demands; 3 tips to connect back to self and how to set boundaries ? with scripts for common, uncomfortable holiday situations.
This is not about healing this tendency overnight, but it is possible to get activated less, even over the next four weeks of the holiday season. And with time, these practices can totally transform you out of people pleasing and codependency?and into a life of peace!
Listen to discover:
Why the holidays can be such an exhausting time for people pleasers and codependents What codependency is How to bring people pleasing and codependency into balance Three practices you can use to avoid exhaustion this holiday season (and how to implement them in tangible ways) Boundary scripts for holiday gatheringsThe tricky thing about people pleasing and codependency is that they make us so focused on others that we might not even know we have these habits!
If you?re always exhausted and you don?t know why, take a look around and ask if this could be you. As I share in this episode, the first step towards healing this is awareness, so why not try the steps and see how you feel when you do? This might just be your best holiday ever!
?I don?t believe that we can ?heal? or transform our codependency in just a few short weeks?but you can begin the journey of transforming these habits.? - Michelle Chalfant
?What we really want to do is rewire the brain for balance.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Codependency, it?s an addiction.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We?re just living our lives exhausted and putting our attention outside of self.? - Michelle Chalfant
?It?s really about connecting back to you.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We are doers instead of just being and being ok with self.? - Michelle Chalfant
?I?m not suggesting that you stop being a caring person. What I am suggesting is that you start with you first.? - Michelle Chalfant
?It?s going to feel uncomfortable, but this is where the rewiring of our brains begins?It?s beautifully uncomfortable.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The practices are going to change how you act and react and respond.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If you practice these things I just mentioned to you, boundaries become easier.? - Michelle Chalfant
?[Boundaries are] sharing with others what I feel and what I need.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Boundaries are your right.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The authentic you is in there. It?s just covered up. This is how you uncover and discover the true, authentic you.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now!
https://theadultchair.com/certification
Tanasi
Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
340: How to Work with Triggers
We all know the feeling: someone says or does something, and we feel our heart rate go up, the heat rise in our body, and the anxiety or anger take over. We just got triggered!
A trigger is an emotional reaction that we have to someone else?s words or actions. They often catch us off guard and can flood us with ?negative? emotions, and if we?re not being conscious, our first reaction is usually to blame the person who triggered us.
But triggers aren?t about others; they?re always about us! And after years of working with my own, I can honestly say that triggers are a GIFT!
Triggers reveal unconscious beliefs to us ? limiting, untrue beliefs that shape our reality and hold us back in life ? and give us a chance to heal them. When we have the tools to work through them, we can harness the healing and awareness they hold for us instead of shoving them down, spiraling into negativity or lashing out at others.
In this episode, I?m giving you the scoop on what triggers are, how they form and what they can tell us about ourselves, plus my go-to, hands-on steps for working with them.
Listen to discover:
What the heck a trigger is ? and why triggers are a gift How triggers get formed Why your triggers and unconscious beliefs affect your life and your reality The role of projection in triggers Practical steps to work with triggersTriggers are never fun, but we don?t have to get swept away by triggers or let them hijack our emotions. When we develop the skills to work with them, we can live with more peace and balance in every part of our lives?and get to know ourselves a lot better along the way.
?[Triggers] are really key to our growth.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Our triggers are our responsibility.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Triggers belong to ourselves.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If someone outside of you is acting like that, it will not bother you unless you have the same quality inside of you.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The more we work on our stuff, the less we get triggered.? - Michelle Chalfant
?That?s why I love triggers: because when we?re triggered, it?s like this belief that?s been in the dark gets lifted out of the dark and into the light.? - Michelle Chalfant
?They help us to know the unknown that?s deep inside of us.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When we get in touch with these unconscious beliefs, our lives begin to change.? - Michelle Chalfant
?You have to go into what scares you. That is how you transform it.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Happy Birthday, Michelle! Review The Adult Chair® Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4
2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now!
https://theadultchair.com/certification
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
339: Navigating Narcissism and High-Conflict Co-Parenting with Sarah Kamoto
Realizing your partner is a narcissist or emotionally abusive and making the decision to leave can be one of the most liberating experiences of your life. But what if you?re forever tied to this person because of a child you share together? What if you can take yourself out of the relationship but can't take the narcissist out of your life?
Co-parenting with a highly toxic or abusive person adds a whole new dynamic to parenting and divorce. Your child needs more support than ever ? and so do you as you heal. You not only have to figure out how to move forward, but you also have to learn how to handle high-conflict interactions with your ex without letting it drag you back into the old patterns that harmed you.
Sarah Kamoto is a coach who specializes in helping people co-parent through high-conflict situations. After leaving the narcissistic father of her young child, she has walked this path and navigated everything from how to help your child process the unhealthy dynamics they?re witnessing at the toxic parent?s house to what to do when your ex tries to turn your child against you.
In this episode, we dig deep into narcissistic relationships ? the signs of a narcissistic relationship, why we experience grief when leaving, dating after leaving and so many questions I get asked about narcissism ? plus how to thrive even when you have a high-conflict ex to contend with.
Listen to discover:
Common signs that you're in an emotionally abusive relationship The dynamics between narcissists and their adult children The process of grief when recognizing and leaving a narcissist Why it's counterproductive to confront a narcissist The difficulties of co-parenting with a toxic ex & how to navigate them Helping your children become emotionally healthy even with a toxic parent How to respond when your ex tries to turn your kids against you Scripts for talking to your children about divorce without pitting them against your exEveryone deserves to have a beautiful life. You weren?t put here to experience abuse or have your sense of self eroded.
You, your children and your entire family can thrive after a narcissistic relationship, but it all starts within. It starts with you doing your work so you can model something different for your children and take the higher path even when your ex tries to tear you down.
I hope this episode gives you new tools for growing your self-worth and practical ideas for navigating complex co-parenting situations.
"They basically try to destroy who you are as a person." - Sarah Kamoto
"They don't ever take responsibility, and they blame you for everything." - Michelle Chalfant
"It's a slow erosion." - Sarah Kamoto
"I realized that I couldn't have had self-love if I allowed someone to treat me in this way without setting my own boundaries." - Sarah Kamoto
"I don't think emotionally healthy people end up in these relationships. You only become emotionally healthy when you've been forced to do this work." - Sarah Kamoto
"Isn't the fact that you want more and deserve more enough?" - Sarah Kamoto
"It's a lot easier just to switch victims and move on to somebody else than to actually go and do the inner healing work." - Sarah Kamoto
"I think anything is possible. And for me it boils down to, 'How aware are you?'" - Michelle Chalfant
"Life is too short. I want to live a beautiful life. Everyone deserves to live a beautiful life. We were not put on this earth to be treated in this way and downtrodden and abused." - Sarah Kamoto
"Not all people with narcissistic traits are abusive." - Sarah Kamoto
"You're trying to parent and you're trying to heal and you're trying to co-parent with somebody who is high conflict." - Sarah Kamoto
"You need to differentiate who you are from who the other parent is." - Sarah Kamoto
LINKS & RESOURCES
Sarah Kamoto Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/narc_proof_and_thriving/
Sarah Kamoto Website
https://narcproofandthriving.com/
2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now!
https://theadultchair.com/certification
Tanasi
Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
338: How to Overcome Fear in Decision-Making
You get an idea, you have something you want to do or you become aware of a change you want to make. The first thing you feel is excitement?and then suddenly, the fear hits.
Your mind starts racing with all the bad things that could happen if you move forward with your idea. Some of these concerns might sound legitimate, which just adds to the confusion.
How can you tell if you?re making a decision out of fear or out of wisdom? How can you connect to your soul to know if something is right for you or not?
In this episode, I?m giving you a quick and easy five-step process to overcome fear in decision-making. Using this process, you will learn how to identify the specific fears you have, how to figure out which of them are true (and which are just stories) and how to get out of your head and intuitively make a decision from your heart.
Listen to discover:
Why fear comes up when we are trying to make a decision How fear keeps us from making good decisions A five-step process to and overcome fear in decision-making How to make decisions from a heart-centered place instead of a fear-centered oneHere?s the thing: it?s normal to feel fear when making a big decision, and at the same time, fear isn?t always a sign that we shouldn?t move forward.
When we learn to unwind our stories and get into our bodies, we can tell the difference between empty fear and intuitive guidance and learn to make the decisions that are truly best for us.
?We think that it?s real, all of these fears, but what we find is most of them are not. They?re just stories we?re telling ourselves.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Write down as many as you can until you have exhausted that part of your brain that?s kicking out all the fears.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The idea is you want to be able to see what thoughts you?re having around the decision.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If it?s not 100% fact and truth, you?re gonna cross it off the list.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When you feel it in the body, it anchors in your new truth.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Fear is a stimulating emotion.? - Michelle Chalfant
?That takes us out of fight or flight. That puts us in the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and relax. Then we can think clearly again.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Sometimes when we make decisions, there?s a little bit of fear there. If fear is there, it doesn?t mean that we shouldn?t move forward.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We want to make soul-driven decisions.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We don?t make the right decisions when we?re only in our heads.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now!
https://theadultchair.com/certification
Tanasi
Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant
Link to episode
337: How to Live an Awakened Life with Andrew DeGregorio
If you?ve spent any time in the therapy or self-help space, you?ve probably heard amazing stories from leaders and teachers who have had some sort of spiritual awakening.
To the average person, these types of experiences might seem far off ? something reserved for the gurus or super spiritual among us.
But in my work, I want to know if all humans can awaken to their true self and how we do that.
Andrew DeGregorio was not a guru when he had his awakening. An average 30-something guy who wasn?t necessarily on a spiritual quest, his life totally changed when he had a near-death experience that led him to connect with something bigger than himself.
As he went through a season of immense suffering following his injury and turned inward to ask deeper questions about himself, he began to recognize how much he was living from survival- and fear-based strategies and how much conditioning was covering up his true self.
Then, one day, he had an indescribable experience of connecting with his true self and the pure Love we all come from, and he never looked back. Today, he helps others heal and return to their true selves through personal development, energy work, nervous system work and so much more?and he?s walking proof that, yes, any of us can awaken!
In this episode, Andrew shares his experience of awakening and the deep wisdom from his own journey. We talk about the ego, soul, God, the universe and how we can get out of projection, our programming and fear and live from a love-centered and soul-centered place every day.
Listen to discover:
Andrew?s powerful story of awakening to his true self after a near-death experience What the ego is and the role it plays in our life Practical (and often counterintuitive) ways we can begin to awaken The energetic dynamics of projection and how it affects relationships What the soul is (the stuff we?re actually made up of as humans) How our souls and personality work together to create our purpose How to create a soul-driven and love-driven business Navigating pain and depression from a soul-centered placeThis is such a deep conversation where we talk about some of the biggest questions of life and the universe, but it felt so practical and grounded (that?s part of Andrew?s magic!). As you listen, I invite you to open your mind and stretch your beliefs.
I believe that simply asking these types of questions is one of the most important things we can do. When we open our mind to the possibilities that exist and surrender to something bigger than ourselves, we might be surprised at what we discover about ourselves, others and even God.
?Awakening is a good word. That was a process that began to happen to me.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?I took radical responsibility for my reality and moving out of this victim mentality.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?In that moment, I had an experience of the truth of what I am, of what we are.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?When you see all the things that you?re not, eventually you?re going to realize the thing that you are.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?We walk around thinking we?re this person, but we?re actually not that at all.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When we come out of our conditioning, we start to realize there?s a lot more to reality.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?Where we source our action?really matters. What?s the energy behind our action?? - Andrew DeGregorio
?We can choose to begin to awaken by turning inward within ourselves.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?The true self is in all of us, but it?s covered up.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We actually need each other as mirrors.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?A simple request when there?s projection involved becomes an attack.?- Andrew DeGregorio
?Slowing things down is really key.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The soul has a mission that it?s here to do.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?If we are depressed, and we can just have that intention of surrendering to God while taking some action and really having compassion for ourselves and finding somebody that can support us, I think anybody can come back from it.? - Andrew DeGregorio
?Surrender is not complacent.? - Andrew DeGregorio
LINKS & RESOURCES
Andrew DeGregorio Website
https://www.andrewdegregorio.com/
?The Knock? (Andrew DeGregorio Book)
https://www.amazon.com/Knock-Unexpected-Wake-Up-Call/dp/1949003051
The Adult Chair® Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022
https://theadultchair.com/nashville
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
336: Understanding and Ending Abusive Relationships with Darlene Lancer
When is a relationship worth fighting for and when is the only answer to walk away? Is it possible to work through dysfunctional patterns with a partner and get the outcomes you want?
You know that I always say if there is physical abuse, GET OUT!
But dysfunction exists on a spectrum, and just because someone has a personality disorder or dysfunctional traits doesn?t mean they will always become abusive. In fact, many people in difficult relationships don?t want to leave?they want to figure out how to make it work.
Darlene Lancer, a licensed therapist and narcissism and codependency expert, joined me on the show today to help break down what abuse is, why abusive relationships are so hard to leave and the situations where someone with narcissistic traits can change and become a good partner?and when it?s time to walk.
She explains the five different types of abuse, the surprising and subtle ways it can show up and how our own childhood dynamics and emotional health play a role in how easily we can see and remove ourselves from abusive dynamics.
Darlene also explains why some non-abusive people with narcissistic personality traits can learn how to be supportive partners and communicate in better ways and why it's necessary for codependents to build self-worth and change the dance with their partners.
Listen to discover:
This episode is not an invitation to try to change anyone. People ? and especially narcissists ? have to be self-aware and want to change for themselves before any transformation can happen.
This episode is designed to help you understand the relationship between narcissism and codependency and what abuse looks like so you can more easily identify when it?s time to get out vs. when there might be hope of working it out.
"All mental illness exists on a continuum." - Darlene Lancer
"If you suspect you're being abused, you probably are." - Darlene Lancer
"When you're in a dysfunctional relationship, the person that you're with will want to isolate you." - Michelle Chalfant
?[Narcissists] are all about impression management. Because of their inner low self-esteem and shame?they want to make you admire them.? - Darlene Lancer
"An abuser isn't abusive all the time." - Darlene Lancer
"If it feels off in some way, it probably is." - Michelle Chalfant
"Narcissists' demands are relentless, and you'll never satisfy them." - Darlene Lancer
"Projection is a confession." - Darlene Lancer
"Blaming and shaming is pretty universal with abusers. And the problem is that codependents have shame of their own." - Darlene Lancer
"Some idealization is normal, but when it clouds the negative behavior and it overtakes your reason, then that's a sign of some problem within us." - Darlene Lancer
"A narcissist...doesn't see people as separate from them where a codependent doesn't see themselves as separate from others." - Darlene Lancer
"Codependents, they want to get along, so they'll compromise. And you keep compromising away until you disappear." - Darlene Lancer
LINKS & RESOURCES
Darlene Lancer Website
"Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist" (Darlene Lancer Book)
https://www.amazon.com/Dating-Loving-Leaving-Narcissist-Relationships/dp/0578373181/
Episode #257: Unlearning Codependency with Darlene Lancer
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/257/
National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org/help/
The Adult Chair® Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022
https://theadultchair.com/nashville
Tanasi
Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
335: The Magic of Surrender with Kute Blackson
Kute Blackson is no stranger to miracles. Growing up the son of a spiritual leader in Ghana, Africa, Kute witnessed healings and transformation that were nothing short of awe-inspiring.
But when he realized it wasn?t his calling to take over his father?s ministry in the way his family expected, it led him on a challenging and transformational journey of his own: one in which he discovered the magic of surrender and how it can heal our lives.
In this episode, Kute delivers so much wisdom about what surrender really is (it?s not passive like you might think ), the role of the ego in our lives, why the challenges we face are an essential part of our soul?s journey and how to let go and live open to the possibilities ? the miracles ? life holds for us.
Listen to discover:
? Kute?s story of courageously following his calling even in the face of adversity
? Why challenging experiences are essential to our soul?s growth
? What surrender actually is and why it?s so powerful
? How to tell when we?re in the flow
? What to do when you feel stuck and are struggling to surrender
? Where resistance comes from
? Why surrender requires grieving what we think we know and how it opens us up to more love and joy
Each of us is here with a purpose, and even the difficult moments in our lives hold something important for our growth. When we can relinquish control and what we think our lives should look like, we discover that there are divine possibilities beyond what our mind can even think of or dream up?and what a truly exciting, miraculous journey that is!
?Those challenges [don?t] mean you?re on the wrong path. It sometimes means you?re on the right path; you just have to go through, on a human level, the soul test.? - Kute Blackson
?Forgiveness frees you.? - Michelle Chalfant
?It doesn?t mean that when something difficult is in your path, it?s not God-inspired, soul-inspired.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Life is a university for our soul?s evolution?We?re always succeeding when we?re learning the lessons, even if it?s difficult.? - Kute Blackson
?In our culture, we have this misconception that surrender is weak.? - Kute Blackson
?In true surrender and letting go, what if you actually got more than you could have intended and planned with the limited concept of your own mind?? - Kute Blackson
?Surrender is when we stop trying to force life to fit into our limited idea of what we think it should look like.? - Kute Blackson
?Many of our goals are often projections of unmet needs from our childhood.? - Kute Blackson
?The mind is constantly seeking to understand why?which is another form of control.? - Kute Blackson
?It?s the journey that brings us the happiness.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Many times people think that they?re feeling the feeling, but they?re actually thinking about the feeling.? - Kute Blackson
?To truly surrender requires the willingness to move through the portal of grieving.? - Kute Blackson
LINKS & RESOURCES
Kute Blackson Website
https://kuteblackson.com/
Kute Blackson Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/kuteblackson/
?The Magic of Surrender? (Kute Blackson Book)
https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Surrender-Finding-Courage-Let/dp/0593189094
Kute?s Bali Retreat
https://www.boundlessblissbali.com/
The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022
https://theadultchair.com/nashville
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
https://theadultchair.com
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
334: The Brain, Meditation, Sleep and Muse with Ariel Garten
You guys know I?m a huge believer in meditation for its emotional and spiritual benefits. It?s one of the greatest tools I?ve found for personal growth and living a more peaceful life.
But it turns out that meditation also has a major impact on the brain, from our fear response to how well we sleep at night. In this show, we take a deeper look at meditation through the lens of neuroscience alongside neuroscientist and brain expert Ariel Garten.
In this fascinating show with a fascinating guest, Ariel talks about what meditation is (and what it?s not), the benefits of meditation and how it positively affects the brain ? backed by tons of research and data. And in case the studies she cites aren?t enough, she actually invented a smart headband called Muse that monitors brain activity and gives you biofeedback to help you calm your busy mind, sleep better and measure the real benefits of a meditation practice! How cool is that?!
This episode will give you the scoop on all the science behind fear, how our brains get wired for anxiety, how the brain contributes to sleep and the power to choose thoughts that heal our brain instead of hurting it.
Listen to discover:
What meditation is and what it does for the brain How to get started with a meditation practice The benefits of meditation (with data to prove it) The amygdala, the fight or flight response and how it connects to meditation What happens to the brain during sleep + the two mechanisms that govern sleep The 5 essentials of a good night?s sleep The neuroscience of anxietyI absolutely love when science helps back up and explain ancient wisdom, and there?s no arguing with the info Ariel shares. We NEED to be meditating as humans!
If you don?t currently meditate, start small (even 5 or 10 minutes a day has major brain-boosting benefits) and consider using tools like Muse to help you build a habit. I promise you won?t regret it!
"Meditation is not a weird or woo woo thing. Meditation is a practice or a training that leads to healthy and positive mind states." - Ariel Garten
"Meditation is a practice. It's not something we can ever master." - Michelle Chalfant
"Meditation is about learning to observe your thinking and then be able to make a different choice." - Ariel Garten
"Our amygdala is really there to save us from the bad things in the world, but it goes way overboard." - Ariel Garten
"Just eight weeks of meditation led to actual change in the brain." - Ariel Garten
?The trick with anxiety is just to realize it?s just a broken alarm.? - Ariel Garten
"In meditation, you have the thoughts that come. You rise up above them. You notice that you're having thoughts and you don't get sucked in." - Ariel Garten
"We forget how powerful we are, that we can actually choose our thoughts." - Michelle Chalfant
"We fall victim to our thoughts all the time." - Michelle Chalfant
"One of the things that may be happening in somebody who has a hyper-reactive emotional state is that they've spent a long time engaging with that emotional state." - Ariel Garten
"The thoughts in your mind and the emotions in your body don't need to trap you into yourself and into a small way of living your life." - Ariel Garten
LINKS & RESOURCES
Muse
Use code POD10 for 10% off
Muse Social Media
@choosemuse
Ariel Garten Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/ariels_musings
Untangle (Ariel Garten podcast)
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untangle/id1073460738
The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022
https://theadultchair.com/nashville
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
333: How to Find Your Passion and Purpose
We were all created with a purpose, but so many of us feel disconnected from who we are and why we?re here.
We get bogged down by everyday life, social pressure and the need to make money, and we get stuck in survival mode. Many of us don?t even know what our passion is!
But you were made for more! You were made to live a life of joy and passion that lights you up inside?and it?s never too late to find that.
In this show, I?m giving you five hands-on steps to uncover your passion and purpose in life. This episode will take you on an exciting journey of self-discovery that will reconnect you back to yourself in a profound way and discover why your beautiful soul is here on this planet.
So, grab a pen and paper and follow along with me, or listen for the tips and do the exercises at a later date. But I promise, if you go through this process, you WILL discover more about what your purpose is?and how to start taking action towards it!
Listen to discover:
5 hands-on steps for finding your passion and purpose 3 lists you can make to uncover your passion today Affirmations for finding your passion and purpose How to keep fear and inaction from getting in the wayOur purpose in life isn?t rigid. It might be more than one thing. It might change over the years. The way we live it out might evolve.
This is why it?s so important that we learn how to tune into our intuition and take the next step on the illuminated path in each season of life.
When we let go of exactly what it should look like and instead embrace the exciting journey of life, we will be able to respond to the nudges we get from our soul and experience the joy of living in the flow?our unique path, designed around our gifts, passions and purpose.
?Hopefully, your purpose lights you up and you feel passionate about it.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The body knows why we?re here.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Use your heart and your body as a navigation system that will lead you down a path to help you to find your passion and purpose.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Every soul on the planet has gifts.? - Michelle Chalfant
"What you hear, you have to take action on." - Michelle Chalfant
"That soul, it's connected to something way bigger than us. It's got a vision for our whole life." - Michelle Chalfant
?You are wise beyond your knowledge.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Life is happening through you all the time.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Feel your fear and do it anyway.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Certified Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the Waitlist!
https://theadultchair.com/certification
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
332: How to Get Rid of Negative Emotions
Grief, anger, sadness, fear?YUCK! I don?t know anyone who likes to feel these emotions.
I get emails from you guys all the time asking how to get rid of ?negative? emotions like these.
But are these emotions really negative? Or do they serve a purpose in our lives?
While some emotions might feel more unpleasant than others, I personally don?t believe any emotion is negative. All emotions are part of the human experience and carry information for us.
However, they can create negative experiences in life when we get stuck in them.
The problem isn?t the emotions; it?s that we don?t know what to do with them!
In this show, I?m teaching you how to work through the full range of emotions you were designed to experience as a human and how to get unstuck if you find yourself lost in anger, grief or fear.
You?ll discover practical steps for feeling your emotions in a way that allows them to move through you, no matter how you saw emotions modeled growing up.
Listen to discover:
Why ?negative? emotions serve a purpose in life The messages we receive about emotions as children What causes emotions to get stuck Practical steps to feel emotions and move them through youEmotions are simply energy that moves through our body and creates sensation. And on the spectrum of emotions from love to fear, some feel better than others?but because they are energy, they can ALL move through us (and move through us quickly).
Problems arise when emotions come up that we don?t want to feel. We avoid them and shut them down, which makes us more likely to get stuck in these ?negative? experiences.
That's why we have to start going INTO our emotions, no matter how uncomfortable it might feel. When you do this, you?ll be surprised how quickly they move through you...and what powerful insights they might hold for you.
???We?re human, and humans were created to have emotions. We were created to have a range of emotions.? - Michelle Chalfant
?There?s an energy to emotions that rises up and passes through us.? - Michelle Chalfant
?I don?t even like to call emotions on the fear end of the spectrum ?negative.?? - Michelle Chalfant
?Anger propels us forward.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Energy is always in motion, and emotions are energy.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Something that keeps emotions stuck is a story.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Just let it go and be present with whatever is coming up.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When you put pen to paper, you?re tapping into your unconscious world.? - Michelle Chalfant
?There?s power when someone is witnessing what?s going on in our inner world.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If you feel the energy of peace, it's neutral.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022
https://theadultchair.com/nashville
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
331: How to Thrive After a Narcissistic Relationship with Melanie Tonia Evans
If there?s one thing that most cases of narcissistic abuse have in common, it?s that the narcissist has an incredible ability to blindside their victims. Nearly every story starts out with someone meeting a wonderful, charming person until suddenly their dark side comes out.
Sometimes the abuse can be so subtle that the victim doesn?t notice it?s happening until it?s broken them down. The gaslighting can be so intense that even the strongest person can wonder if they?re the crazy one and if it?s all their fault.
Narcissism is so, so sinister.
This was what happened to Melanie Tonia Evans after she married what seemed like a wonderful man, before she even knew what a narcissist was. His abuse eventually pushed her into a breakdown that became a moment of healing, as it revealed to her the unhealed places in herself. Today, she has developed her own energy healing method to heal trauma at the soul level ? beyond the conscious mind ? and help others recover from narcissistic abuse.
In the episode, Melanie talks about the keys to recognizing and healing from narcissistic abuse, how her experience with narcissism led her to healing her own self-worth and inner child and how she eventually learned to love who she really was and become whole.
Listen to discover:
How Melanie discovered the unhealed places in herself that attracted her to a narcissistic partner Why it's so hard to leave a narcissist How to heal from narcissistic abuse in your inner world Next steps when leaving a relationship with a narcissist The difference between a survivor and thriver The #1 mistake people make when trying to recover from narcissistic abuse
I?m so thankful that narcissism is more widely talked about. While the narcissist is cunning, with the tools to recognize narcissism and become our emotionally healthy true selves, I hope more and more of us can see through the narcissist's careful image and stop being blindsided by abuse.
"What really scared me the most was how I started tolerating behaviors I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be tolerating." - Melanie Tonia Evans
"One of the biggest realizations I had in that epiphany moment was that he was treating me identically to how I'd been treating myself." - Melanie Tonia Evans
"I had plenty of understanding from the chin up, but I wasn't standing in who I was." - Melanie Tonia Evans
"When the person leaves, the narcissist does go after the person that leaves, and it's not pretty." - Michelle Chalfant
"There's got to be a sense of the inner strength and empowerment in order to leave." - Michelle Chalfant
"The narcissist is a black and white individual." - Melanie Tonia Evans
"You're either serving the false self, where you're amazing. And if you want to get away or you're not, well then you are absolute trash." - Melanie Tonia Evans
"The victim often looks like the perpetrator." - Melanie Tonia Evans
"We actually thrive, not despite what happened to us, but literally because of what happened for us." - Melanie Tonia Evans
LINKS & RESOURCES
Melanie Tonia Evans Website
https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/
Melanie Tonia Evans Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program
https://courses.melanietoniaevans.com/p/narp
Melanie Tonia Evans Masterclass
https://www.recoverhealthrive.com/
The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022
https://theadultchair.com/nashville
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
330: Understanding and Preventing Suicide with Anne Moss Rogers
Anne Moss Rogers will never forget the day she got the news that no parent wants to hear: her son had died.
And then a second piece of news came like a punch to the gut: he had died by suicide.
Anne Moss and her husband knew he had been struggling with alcohol and drugs, but they didn?t realize he had been using substances to mask thoughts of suicide. On top of their loss and grief, they were forced to wrestle with the questions that often come in the wake of suicide: Did they miss the signs? Was there more they could have done? How could such a wonderful person like their son feel so hopeless?
In this episode, Anne Moss shares her powerful story of surviving and healing after her son?s death, how she overcame the questions and guilt that come when someone close dies by suicide and her work as a mental health and suicide prevention speaker, reaching others who are hurting and educating people on the signs of suicide.
Anne Moss uses her expertise to pull back the curtain on a tough topic that we often want to sweep under the rug and gives practical advice on how to talk about suicide, how to help someone who might be contemplating suicide and how to process grief following a suicide.
Listen to discover:
Anne Moss's story and how she has processed the grief of her son?s death How Anne Moss overcame the guilt and questions surrounding her son's death The increasing rates of suicide among young people and what might be driving it The signs that someone might be contemplating suicide What to say and what not to say to someone contemplating suicide Correct language for describing suicide Tips for parents concerned about their children
Suicide is becoming a rising cause of death, especially among young people, and while it?s a tough topic to talk about, it?s one that is too important to ignore. In fact, 86% of people who think about suicide let their intentions be known in some way. Anne Moss?s advice in this episode helps us know how to approach this topic with empathy and boldness and how to walk alongside a child or friend who might be struggling.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call or text 988 or visit https://988lifeline.org/ to talk to someone who will offer you support and understanding with zero judgment. You don?t have to walk through this alone.
"Our love isn't what prevents suicides." - Anne Moss Rogers
"They don't leave because they don't love you...they leave because they are in pain or a place of deep despair." - Anne Moss Rogers
"It is really hard for a lot of humans to walk in and sit with someone in their tragedy." - Anne Moss Rogers
"Time removed [grief's] fangs." - Anne Moss Rogers
"You cannot push pain away. You have to go straight into it to heal it." - Michelle Chalfant
"I'd rather somebody be mad at me than dead." - Anne Moss Rogers
"Your job is to listen with empathy...allowing another person to feel heard is the absolute greatest gift you can give to another human." - Anne Moss Rogers
"86% of those who thought about suicide let their intentions be known in some way." - Anne Moss Rogers
LINKS & RESOURCES
Anne Moss Rogers Blog
Anne Moss Rogers Website
"Diary of a Broken Mind" (Anne Moss Rogers book)
https://www.amazon.com/DIARY-BROKEN-MIND-Mothers-Haunting/dp/0998788163
Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call or text 988
The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022
https://theadultchair.com/nashville
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
329: Becoming a Story Buster with Claudine Sweeney
As humans, we tell ourselves stories all the time, every day. As we go through life, we try to make sense of our circumstances by making assumptions, filling in blanks and telling ourselves stories about why things are the way they are.
The problem? 97% of the time, these stories aren?t true!
These untrue stories and assumptions that we believe create SO much unnecessary stress, anxiety and pain?they can even destroy our relationships.
In this show, I chat with my good friend and fellow life coach, Claudine Sweeney, about the time that stories and assumptions almost ended our 15-year friendship. This hilarious story is an incredible example of how easily we can all fall into story and the domino effect assumptions have on our lives and our relationships. It?s only because we chose to be truth seekers that we were able to clear up the misunderstanding and save our friendship!
In this show, we?re sharing practical tips for how you can bust stories and live as a truth seeker?and save yourself a whole lot of stress, pain and drama in the process!
Listen to discover:
The (now) hilarious story of how Claudine and I almost lost our friendship ALL because of assumptions Why our brains so easily create stories How our past experiences can feed our stories and assumptions Steps to bust stories and unwind assumptions How to change your life by choosing better, more conscious thoughts The power of giving others the benefit of the doubt and seeking a higher perspective
Stories and assumptions are a vicious cycle because once we have a story in our mind, our ego collects all the evidence to validate that story. We suddenly only see things that reinforce our beliefs.
It takes courage to slow down, question our thoughts and ask others for clarity, facts and truth?but it?s what we do from our Adult Chair!
We don?t just make assumptions about our own lives; we make assumptions about others around us all the time. We assume we know what type of person someone is and what type of experience they?ve had in life because of where they live or what they look like or stereotypes and prejudices we hold. How often do assumptions lead to anger, division and even hate?
By being curious, giving people the benefit of the doubt and leading with love, we not only change our lives and our relationships, but we might even change the world.
?Stories and assumptions are things that plague every aspect of our lives.? - Michelle Chalfant
?And all of the sudden that lack of invitation becomes this whole story and there?s so many assumptions and it can really destroy relationships.? - Claudine Sweeney
?We collect data to reinforce the story?The eyes and the brain will sort for anything to reinforce what my belief is.? - Michelle Chalfant
?What we do as healthy adults is we learn to bust those stories.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Our pasts come into play here.? - Claudine Sweeney
?Blame is all from the ego.? - Michelle Chalfant
?[We] believe our feelings are fact and truth.? - Claudine Sweeney
?97% of the time that we?re in stories and assumptions, they?re incorrect.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If someone comes at us and treats us in an unkind way, we have to consider the circumstance.? - Michelle Chalfant
?I challenge and encourage my clients to get curious, not critical.? - Claudine Sweeney
?We fall victim to our negative, unconscious thoughts.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When I learned that my thoughts generated my emotions?it was mind-blowing and absolutely changed my life.? - Claudine Sweeney
LINKS & RESOURCES
Claudine Sweeney Website
Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
328: Understanding and Improving Your Relationship with Dr. Stan Tatkin
We?ve all heard that relationships are hard work?but why are they so hard? And what does healthy hard work look like versus putting up with behavior we shouldn?t?
Dr. Stan Tatkin has a unique approach to answering these questions by looking at relationships through the lens of psychobiology. This means understanding how our brain, our body, our nervous system and our survival instincts can contribute to and work against healthy relationships. Yes, it?s as fascinating as it sounds!
In this episode, we talk about how our self-preservation instincts can keep us from experiencing deep relationships and sabotage our happiness, how attachment and projection work, why we pick partners that feel familiar to us and how we can work against the brain?s tendency to ?get used to? our partners and keep the spark alive!
Listen to discover:
How our survival brains sometimes work against us in relationships Why we pick the partners we do Why relationships change after marriage What projection is and how it works The power of a purpose-centered relationship Practical habits for getting out of self-preservation mode and working towards the good of your relationship How to handle conflict in a relationship The biological reason relationships lose their spark and why curiosity is a game changer
Dr. Tatkin talks about how great partnerships are built not just on love and emotions but shared values, principles and goals. When the partnership develops its own identity and vision, it helps us look beyond ourselves and seek the good of the whole instead of just the good of ourselves.
This way of thinking and the habits that go along with it create powerful loyalty, intimacy and love that grows with time. This episode will help you work with your human nature to build stronger, more mutually fulfilling relationships with your love?and who doesn?t want that?!
"[Secure functioning relationships] are built on full equality, parity, fairness, justice, sensitivity, collaboration and cooperation. That's a very simple idea that's hard to do." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"When we are threatened or under-resourced, under stress, we are more likely to act and react automatically." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"We have brains that are always aware of what's missing...what we don't have." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"We are picking partners that look familiar, feel familiar in some way." - Michelle Chalfant
"It makes sense that we would pick somebody that's familiar enough to get close to but stranger enough to be interested in." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"We are in projection all the time." - Michelle Chalfant
"We've never lived outside our heads, and we never will. It's all perception." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"When being in a relationship, one has to surrender that their perception is correct, that their reality is correct, in favor of the relationship." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"We're inter-dependent, which means we have the same things to lose and the same things to gain." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"[Our partner is] a stranger that we're always trying to get to know." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"Humans have a hard time with ownership and apologizing." - Michelle Chalfant
"A purpose-based relationship is a commitment to do the right thing when it's the hardest thing to do." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
"When you become ordinary is when I look for the unique and novel in you. That's my job." - Dr. Stan Tatkin
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Stan Tatkin Website
https://www.thepactinstitute.com/
Dr. Stan Tatkin Retreats for Couples
https://www.thepactinstitute.com/retreats
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
327: Summer Series: Emotional Mastery with Dr. Joan Rosenberg
We all experience emotions, but most of us don?t really understand what emotions are. These feelings can drastically alter our day, our life and our experience in the world, yet they?re intangible and often messy and confusing. It?s no wonder many of us try to avoid them altogether.
Well, get ready to have your mind blown and to see emotions in a whole new light in this brilliant episode with Dr. Joan Rosenberg. Dr. Rosenberg began her study of emotions when she was trying to figure out what made some people confident in life, and her finding was surprising: confidence didn?t just come from a sense of self-esteem but from our ability to handle uncomfortable emotions.
As she dug deeper into the human emotional experience, she uncovered a world of surprises around our understanding of emotions and how we can better process, experience and master our emotions.
We talked about why emotions are so uncomfortable for us (it?s not why you think), what a compliment really is and why it matters so much, what drives fear, anxiety and grief, our fears around emotions and how we get stuck in emotion. Dr. Joan also shares her formula for feeling, experiencing and expressing the eight core emotions in an authentic way that helps them truly move through us.
Listen to discover:
The unexpected key to building confidence "The Rosenberg Reset" formula to build confidence The 3 things that cause our uncomfortable feelings to linger (it's not the feelings themselves!) Steps to build more confidence The true power of a compliment (this one left me speechless) What's actually underneath fear and anxiety Why we need to both feel AND express our emotions
As much as I talk about emotions, I was still left speechless more than once in this episode as Dr. Rosenberg got to the heart of what is really beneath certain emotions and my perspective was shifted in so many ways. This is a truly empowering show that will help you live a more balanced and confident life.
?We need to learn as humans how to feel our emotions.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The ability or the capacity to handle unpleasant feelings really is the foundation of confidence.? - Dr Joan Rosenberg
?I think of confidence as the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face or whatever you pursue.? - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"We're one interconnected whole...The brain is always feeding information to the body, and the body is always feeding information to the brain." Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"It comes down to handling short-lived bodily sensation waves." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"100% of the time that sensation morphs and vanishes if they stay with it." - Michelle Chalfant
"We metabolize feeling by feeling it and expressing it." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"If you want to stop your ruminating thoughts, you have to feel the emotion that's underneath the rumination." - Michelle Chalfant
"I think of the ability to speak up as the superglue to confidence." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"A compliment is a reflection of you back to you." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"What looks like arrogance is insecurity." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"Disguised grief is the gap between what we wanted, what we needed, what we felt we deserved and what we really got." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Joan Rosenberg
?90 Seconds to a Life You Love? (Dr. Joan Rosenberg book)
https://www.amazon.com/Seconds-Life-You-Love-Authenticity/dp/1478999764
Dr. Joan Rosenberg TED Talk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKy19WzkPxE
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
326: Summer Series: How to Save and Strengthen Your Relationship with Matt Fray
You think you?re a good person, you genuinely love your partner and you try to do the right thing ?so why are you struggling in your relationship? Why do you and your partner feel unhappy, disconnected and maybe even headed for divorce?
These are the questions Matt Fray asked himself after his marriage ended. He knew he was a decent guy. He knew he had loved his wife, been faithful and done the things he thought he was ?supposed? to do in a marriage ? yet one day she came to him and asked for a divorce. As he walked through the grief and pain of that experience, he began a journey of self-reflection and blogging to try to understand what went wrong and how people can truly have healthy relationships.
What he uncovered was a series of small habits and dynamics that added up in his relationship and eroded trust and safety over time?and that these dynamics exist in nearly all relationships, including relationships made up of good people who really do love each other. Now, he?s on a mission to help good people become good partners by understanding the root of relationship problems and how to fix them.
In this episode, Matt reveals the invisible habits that kill relationships, how we can turn our relationships around and how to build trust, safety and lifelong love.
Listen to discover:
Matt?s story of his marriage ending and what he did next The habits and blind spots that damage and even destroy our relationships The three ways we invalidate people unintentionally Why defensiveness can be so damaging The importance of empathy and consideration in relationships How to break the cycle of invalidation and build trust and safetyNothing in life is static. Either we?re cultivating our relationships and on a trajectory of trust or we?re neglecting our relationships and on a trajectory of breakdown. Too often, we can?t see this trajectory until it all falls apart. I love Matt?s work because he?s helping us open our eyes to the invisible ways we?re either creating or damaging our relationships, even when things seem ?fine,? and giving us one of the most important gifts a person can have: the power of choice to do things differently and change the trajectory we?re on.
?There?s so much power in that ?I?m not alone? experience.? - Matt Fray
?That?s when healing truly began ? when I took ownership and responsibility for my lot in life.? - Matt Fray
?When you think you?re a good person, it?s so easy to not accept responsibility for harm that?s being experienced by someone else.?- Matt Fray
?Very good people who really, truly love each other can do this to one another.? - Matt Fray
?Once you associate invalidation with the erosion of trust, then you can make the conscious decision to validate.? - Matt Fray
?When we go through something unusual, it is our job to share, ?You know, I really need help with this,? and it?s our partner?s job to show up and say, ?I?ve got you.?? - Michelle Chalfant
?It?s not about being right ? it?s being there in it with that person.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The low-hanging fruit?is ?I?m not going to invalidate.?? - Matt Fray
LINKS & RESOURCES
Matt Fray Website
?This Is How Your Marriage Ends? (Matt Fray book)
https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships/dp/0063072254/
?The Mask You Live In? Documentary
https://therepproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
325: Summer Series: Finding your True Self with Dr. Shefali
The world around us demands so much of us. If we?re not careful, it can erode our souls, steal our true selves and get us to believe lies about the source of our worth. We have to become conscious and aware to step into our true power and a whole, awakened life.
I have been a huge fan of Dr. Shefali for years. I got SO much out of her work on conscious parenting when my kids were young, and it?s no wonder she?s become so well known for her work. But her new book might just be my favorite yet ? I truly couldn?t put it down (it?s SO aligned with The Adult Chair®) ? and I?m beyond thrilled to have her on the show to discuss how to have a radical (and beautiful) awakening in life.
In this conversation, we explore the way our ego and our social conditioning covers up the true self and keeps us from living free lives. This can be especially true for those oriented towards giving, nurturing and connecting. Society takes these gifts and trains us to be outward focused, seeking praise, validation and approval instead of turning inward and claiming who we really are.
Dr. Shefali shares her own story of awakening, when she realized that despite her work, she was living in the ?matrix? and ignoring her true wants and needs to try to get love from others (what she calls the ?beggar? mentality). By going deep into the often difficult work of looking at the ego and the masks we all wear, she was able to strip away the lies and see what was true ? and step into the authentic self-love and self-care we all deserve.
Listen to discover:
Shefali?s own radical awakening The trap women (and men) fall into How to stop suppressing the true self What soul erosion is and how it forms The ?triple threat? women face in childhood The role of the ego in our life What keeps us from awakening (especially in our culture)This is a profound conversation that will take the blinders off and change what you think is normal, while inspiring you to strive for what is truly possible for you ? and for all of us.
?We, women especially, need to snap out of our chronic civility, helplessness and unworthiness.? - Dr. Shefali
?We cannot waste our life never discovering our true self.? - Dr. Shefali
?When we?re told we can only be given worth when we put others before ourselves, now that giving heart leads to an obliteration of ourselves.? - Dr. Shefali
?We?re so disconnected from our true self, we don?t know who we are at all.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The way out is in. We have to go in to heal.? - Michelle Chalfant
?I want what?s on the other side of that wall, but you got to go through the wall, and the wall is our pain.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We tell ourselves the greatest stories in the world, and we don?t know we?re telling ourselves stories.? - Dr. Shefali
?The greatest narcissism is to pretend you?re not a queen or a king and not own your voice.? - Dr. Shefali
Resources
?A Radical Awakening? Book and Course
Dr. Shefali Website
Free Inner Child Resource
https://theadultchair.com/innerchild
More Adult Chair
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/
Stay Connected
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
324: Summer Series: The Anxiety Survival Guide with The Anxiety Sisters
Do you know what anxiety really feels like? I?m not talking about the emotions of fear or stress, but what it feels like in your body.
So many of us live with anxiety and don?t even know it because it?s SO physical. It?s even easy to mistake it for physical disease, like heart issues or digestive issues.
That was the case for Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek, two soul sisters who are both mental health professionals and the founders of Anxiety Sisters, a supportive community for those living with anxiety. Though they can now see how their anxiety began showing up in early childhood, for years, they bounced from doctor to doctor and even spent time in the hospital before realizing the root cause of their suffering was anxiety.
This began their passion to help raise awareness around anxiety and help anxiety sufferers learn how to live full, happy lives ? anxiety and all. We had an incredible conversation about all things anxiety and how to heal it, and I resonated with so many parts of their story?these ladies are the real deal!
Listen to discover:
Our stories of recognizing and healing anxiety How anxiety manifests as physical symptoms The power of acceptance in managing anxiety Why connection is key to healing anxiety How to pack a "spin kit" so you'll be prepared when anxiety strikes The difference between anxiety and a panic attack How to overcome phobias and agoraphobiaI know I have a lot of favorite topics, but anxiety is one I really feel we can't talk about enough. Too many people in the world are suffering from anxiety without even knowing it, and we have so many tools ? from our support system to our sensory system ? to help us find peace and balance in life.
It?s not about never feeling anxious again, but learning how to find your own brand of happiness and how to take charge so anxiety no longer runs the show.
"I still didn't have the vocabulary or the words to make these connections of what I was feeling and how that was connected to anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek
"Anxiety becomes really debilitating when it's in the driver's seat." - Abbe Greenberg
"I think there is this process of accepting anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek
"Acceptance doesn't mean anything other than, 'This is where I am.?" - Michelle Chalfant
"Our brand of happy is anxious happy." - Abbe Greenberg
"Anxiety can no longer sneak up on you. And when it can't sneak up on you, it takes away two thirds of its power." - Abbe Greenberg
"No two people have the same exact anxiety and panic." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Anxiety Sisters Website
Anxiety Sisters Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/anxietysisters
*Home of a Tuesday night book club + supportive community
The Spin Cycle (Anxiety Sisters Podcast)
https://anxietysisters.com/podcasts/
"The Anxiety Sisters' Survival Guide" (Anxiety Sisters Book)
https://anxietysisters.com/anxiety-sisters-survival-guide/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
323: Summer Series: Overcoming Trauma and Limiting Beliefs with Michael Unbroken
We all have limiting beliefs that hold us back in life. But what if you?ve experienced significant trauma as well? How do you distinguish between a trauma response and limiting or negative thinking? How do you find the power to heal when things have happened that were out of your control?
My guest today, Michael Unbroken, has an intense and powerful story of overcoming unspeakable trauma, growing up with abuse, addiction and homelessness. At one point, he wanted to end his own life. But he made a decision to live, and in doing so, discovered that the only path forward started within.
In this incredible conversation, Michael shares how he was able to break the cycle of trauma in his life and consciously choose a different path for himself. This is an inspiring and vulnerable conversation that will challenge you to take ownership of your life, treat yourself with grace and kindness and live life fully!
Listen to discover:
Michael?s incredible story of healing from trauma and turning his life around The steps for overcoming limiting beliefs How to get past fear and start living your life How to actually change your life (and why you have to get out of the way first) The power of vulnerability The importance of a mentorTransforming limiting beliefs starts with taking ownership of the way we think about life, no matter what we?ve been through. What happened to us is not our fault, but it does become our job to take responsibility for it and make a choice to create the healthy, whole life we want to live. We all have the power to do this, and I hope this episode inspires you to find everything that?s possible for you.
?It?s never going to be one thing that changes your life.? - Michael Unbroken
?What you think becomes what you speak. What you speak becomes your actions, and your actions become your reality.? - Michael Unbroken
?If we?re sitting waiting for someone to rescue us, we?re in the seat of the victim.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We have to create different. We have to create better. If we want a different life, we have to make different choices.? - Michelle Chalfant
?It will change everything about the fabric of your experience of this life when you?re willing to be real.? - Michael Unbroken
LINKS & RESOURCES
Michael Unbroken Website
https://www.thinkunbroken.com/
Michael Unbroken Podcast
https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/
Michael Unbroken Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/michaelunbroken/
Michael Unbroken Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/MichaelUnbroken/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
322: Summer Series 1: Narcissistic Abuse Explained with Caroline Strawson
Sometimes, it takes losing everything you know to start over and begin the journey of healing.
Caroline Strawson is an internationally recognized trauma-informed therapist and coach who helps her clients recover from narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD and create thriving lives. Her journey began with her own story of loss when, in a very short period of time, her mother passed away, her narcissistic husband left her and their two young children and she discovered he had gotten them into $100,000 of debt, leading to the loss of her home and the life she had built.
Facing PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, guilt and shame, Caroline turned inward and took a close look at herself, her life and her relationships ? and has since become a leader in trauma-informed recovery and healing from abuse.
In this conversation, Caroline shares her story of overcoming narcissistic abuse, how she finally recognized the abuse and how she began the journey of healing. She offers deep insights into how childhood wounding forms, how we develop ?protector parts? and how those parts can lead to struggles like codependency and narcissism. She is a wealth of knowledge on trauma, how we get stuck in life, and how to move forward.
Listen to discover:
The source of childhood wounding and trauma How our nervous system is designed to protect us Why codependents and narcissists are magnets for each other (and why it's easier for the codependent to change) How we can feel compassion for wounded people without accepting abuse Why people stay in abusive relationships and how to help a friend in an abusive relationship The difference between PTSD and complex PTSD How to begin building self-worth even if you're still in an abusive relationship
Whether you?ve been in a relationship with a narcissist or not, you will get SO much out of this episode and gain a greater understanding of why you do what you do, what is going on in your brain in relation to trauma, and how to heal your wounding so you can form healthier relationships with self and others.
"Initially I was waiting for that epiphany of him changing to then be ok for me to move forward. And of course, that isn't the case. Because we can't change anybody." - Caroline Strawson
"Trauma isn't a person. It's not an event. It's what I feel and what I'm saying to myself about those events." - Caroline Strawson
"Our system all of the time is working to keep us safe, keep us alive, protect us, and move us away from the biggest perceived pain.? - Caroline Strawson
"No narcissist is born. They are created from their childhood." - Caroline Strawson
"The codependent is giving, giving, giving trying to soothe their self-worthiness wounds. The narcissist is like, 'Give it to me. I'll take, take, take,? to soothe their self-worthiness wounds." - Caroline Strawson
"I think of narcissism on a scale." - Michelle Chalfant
"When we're in these relationships, our reality is so distorted. To build self-worth is to then start seeing reality much clearer." - Michelle Chalfant
"Grounding and getting all five senses online also helps us with our reality. We stop doubting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Caroline Strawson Website
https://www.carolinestrawson.com/
Caroline Strawson Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/carolinestrawson/
Caroline Strawson Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/
?Divorce Became My Superpower? (Caroline Strawson Book)
https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Caroline-Strawson/dp/1726255549
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
321: From Depression to Inspiration with Ione Butler
It can be difficult to stay positive in today?s world. Not only do we all have an inner critic trying to send negative self-talk our way, but with 24-hour news coming at us, social media, polarization, and fear and anger in the world, it is so easy to get pulled into energy that doesn?t serve us or uplift us.
It?s no wonder that so many of us struggle with mental health, anxiety, and depression.
Ione Butler also struggled with depression most of her life and went on a self-healing journey to learn how to overcome it. On her journey, she realized how much negativity she was seeing in the world around her and how bad it was making her feel, so she went on a mission to start a content platform with only uplifting content.
The standard for what makes it onto the platform is simply, ?Does it make you feel good??
Learning to get really conscious about what she consumed, finding passion and joy in the everyday moments, and building healthy daily habits transformed Ione?s depression, and on today?s show, she shares how she did it.
This episode is full of practical, grounded, accessible tips (like exercise and watching social media intake) that we ALL can use to cultivate a lifestyle of mental and emotional well-being.
Listen to discover:
- The tools that helped pull her out of depression
- The ways social media affects our inner well-being
- Post-traumatic growth and how we can turn trauma into positive change
- How to find passion and joy in the day to day
- Tips for overcoming depression and ruminating thoughts
- The power of "reverse engineering" your life
Whether you?re struggling with anxiety and depression or simply feeling weighed down by the state of the world around you, remember that you are what you consume and you have the power to choose things that nourish you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
"The biggest change was recognizing those thoughts aren't true. I can change those thoughts." - Ione Butler
"We are what we consume...Everything we take in has an impact." - Ione Butler
"I think we all need to pause and ask ourselves, 'How does it make you feel?'" - Michelle Chalfant
"Our stories are so powerful...However, when we get stuck in them, we just spin in circles." - Michelle Chalfant
"Recognizing the impact the thoughts were having and changing the thoughts was a big one." - Ione Butler
"Every little bit helps, and it changes us." - Michelle Chalfant
"Everything begins with a thought. And the question is, "Are you going to believe that thought or not?'" - Michelle Chalfant
"Our mind is a tool." - Ione Butler
LINKS & RESOURCES
Ione Butler Website
Uplifting Content Website
"Uplifting Stories" (Ione Butler book)
https://www.amazon.com/Uplifting-Stories-Tales-Inspire-Every/dp/1982138238
"The Power of Now"
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
320: How to Become Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Whether it?s eating healthier, getting exercise, starting a meditation practice or staying socially connected, figuring out what to do to be happy might be simple ? but actually doing these things and living in a way that lets us experience happiness is much harder.
When we know there are things we can do that will make us healthier and happier, why do we struggle to actually do them? Why do we get caught in a cycle of chasing happiness instead of choosing joy, even when we know better?
This is what Gretchen Rubin wanted to understand when she began studying happiness and why people form the habits they do.
It turns out that it has everything to do with how we relate to expectations.
Gretchen discovered that there are four different ?tendencies? that tell us how different people approach habits and expectations ? whether we question expectations, comply with expectations, rebel against expectations or uphold them from within.
We are born with our tendency and there?s no right or wrong way to be, but our ability to pursue happiness and form habits is directly connected to which tendency we?re wired with.
In this episode, Gretchen describes each of the four tendencies in detail and ways to work with your type to go after the life you want. She also talks about habit formation and the different approaches to starting a new habit, so you can figure out which one works best for you!
This is so fascinating and has major implications for how we structure our lives, how we work with each other in business and relationships and so much more!
Listen to discover:
Concrete steps we can take to start boosting our happiness The "four tendencies" personality framework The Upholder, The Obliger, The Questioner and The Rebel ? four different ways we all respond to inner and outer expectations How your tendency impacts how you form habits How to overcome resistance and work with your tendency to be as successful and happy as possible Misconceptions about happiness and techniques to form better habitsThough it's true that everyone is different in terms of what makes us happy, we're also all different in how we get to the things that make us happy.
When we understand our wiring, we can overcome resistance and set ourselves up to achieve the life we want, in a way that is uniquely ours.
"Our physical experience is always going to color our emotional experience." - Gretchen Rubin
"The key to happiness is relationships." - Gretchen Rubin
"Don't suit other people. Suit yourself." - Gretchen Rubin
"I'm a big believer in the genetic roots of personality." - Gretchen Rubin
"We can work with each other to help us all achieve our aims, but sometimes we have to provide a different way from what would work for us." - Gretchen Rubin
"Your communication style would change once you know this." - Michelle Chalfant
"Happier people are more interested in the problems of the world." - Gretchen Rubin
"You have to take care of yourself. You have to put yourself first." - Michelle Chalfant
"When you're not indulging in a temptation, it goes away." - Gretchen Rubin
LINKS & RESOURCES
Gretchen Rubin Website
Happier Podcast (Gretchen Rubin podcast)
https://gretchenrubin.com/podcasts/
Gretchen Rubin Books
https://gretchenrubin.com/books/
The Four Tendencies Quiz
https://gretchenrubin.com/fourtendencies
The Happier App
https://the-happiness-project.com/pages/happier-app
Gretchen Rubin Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/GretchenRubin
Gretchen Rubin Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/gretchenrubin/
Gretchen Rubin LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gretchenrubin
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
319: The "How Tos" of Deep Connection with Graham Chalfant
We live in a world that?s both more connected and more disconnected than ever. With things like Zoom, FaceTime, and social media, we can get in touch with others with the click of a button.
But we also have an epidemic of loneliness. We scroll by each other without really engaging with each other. Even in our most intimate relationships, we can easily find ourselves co-existing without connecting at the heart level.
The busyness of our world will naturally cause us to drift apart from each other without intentional effort, so a few years ago, my husband and I started building small ?rituals of connection? into our week. These are moments ? like our weekend coffee chats ? that we?ve set aside to be fully present with each other and share more vulnerably, authentically, and from the heart.
During one of our recent coffee chats, we had a beautiful conversation about how we can create more connection in our relationships with each other and others, and with Graham?s permission, I recorded our conversation to share with you all.
In this conversation, we talk about the power of intentional connection, how important true connection is for maintaining trust and happiness in relationships, and how you can build moments of connection into a busy schedule. Graham shares one of his favorite tools to take a conversation deeper and how this tool can help people who might feel threatened by intimacy begin to flex their vulnerability muscles and move into a deeper relationship with their partner.
Listen to discover:
How you can build rituals of connection into your relationship Exercises to get the conversation flowing and create a deeper connection How to build up your ability to share emotions Ways to encourage your partner to share their emotions more Staying centered even when having a tough conversation The power of masterful listening and responding instead of reacting How to create more safety in your relationshipsIt?s so easy to work and live alongside others but never really connect. If you?ve ever found yourself in a relationship or surrounded by people but still feeling lonely, this is why!
But with small, intentional steps, we can totally transform the nature of our relationships and find those soul connections we?re all looking for. This episode gives an inside look into how two normal, busy people are practicing this together, and I hope it encourages you to start this journey with the ones you love ? friends, family, partners, anyone!
"Drop inside and...drop below the chin. Get curious about what's going on in the body." - Michelle Chalfant
"If you can't identify [the emotion], just get the sense of what's going on in your body and share that." - Michelle Chalfant
"Expressing that is easy for everybody, and it's a great opening to deeper conversations." - Graham Chalfant
"If we as humans had ideas about the range of emotions that we can feel, we would say more than, 'I'm mad, sad, glad, afraid or ashamed.'" - Michelle Chalfant
"We have so many emotions we can feel, but we're not brought up to feel more emotions than those typical five." - Michelle Chalfant
"See if you can't sit down with the person in your life and just touch base with a couple words." - Graham Chalfant
"It would be a huge improvement for most couples and people in relationships to touch base once a day or a couple times a week." - Graham Chalfant
"We're getting in the habit of exchanging energy in this way." - Michelle Chalfant
"You want to always own your experience...that is a much more open way of inviting in that other person to discuss it versus putting that person in defense." - Michelle Chalfant
"Swooping in and fixing when someone feels bad is the worst thing that you can do for a relationship." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
318: Unlock Your Body's Ability to Heal with Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
As human beings, we are hardwired to heal. Think about it: if you get a cut or a scrape, your body naturally repairs itself. If you get a cold or flu, your immune system kicks in to fight off the invader and keep you healthy.
Healing is our birthright?so if we?re experiencing disease, it?s a sign that something is blocking our natural ability to heal.
Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary is a neurologist and Ayurvedic medicine expert who looks at healing through the lens of energy and harmony, bringing the mind, body, and soul into balance so the body can do what it was designed to do: heal itself.
Though the cause of disease can be physical, such as a toxin, or emotional, such as unprocessed trauma, the key isn?t to treat symptoms but to go in and remove the blocks in our energy so healing can once again flow through the body.
Dr. Chaudhary calls this ?quantum biology,? using energy, sound, and frequency (since we are made of energy after all) to change our bodies at the cellular level.
In this absolutely fascinating episode, Dr. Chaudhary talks about the science of Ayurveda, the emotional connection to chronic disease, why sound and frequency has such power to heal and how we can flip the script on how we think about health and wholeness in today?s world.
Listen to discover:
The roots of Ayurveda and why it's about living in harmony and balance Why health is our birthright The root of sickness and why the source of sickness can be physical or emotional The choices and changes we can make to live in more harmony and health Understanding the biology of energy and how science is catching up to ancient ideas about energy What "sound medicine" is and the different types of mantras you can use for healing A demo of Dr. Chaudhary?s chakra mantra Next steps you can take to put Dr. Chaudhary?s approach into practiceBecause of her neurology background, Dr. Chaudhary has an amazing ability to take these ancient concepts and ground them in science, helping us bring these beautiful ancient practices into our modern world.
This show gives me so much hope for the future and reminds me why the work we?re doing in The Adult Chair® is so powerful: because healing our trauma changes us at the cellular level.
?It just woke me up to a way of integrating the view of the body and mind to create health in a much more efficient way.? - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
"That's how we're supposed to live: in harmony and balance with everything." - Michelle Chalfant
"This was an approach to living where health was the natural repercussion of living with consciousness about our relationship with the planet and our relationship with each other." - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
"When you understand who you really are and when you get to that part of union with nature, the laws of nature change." - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
"If we're constantly healing, then what's keeping us sick?" - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
"Our normal set point is of excellent health." - Michelle Chalfant
"In my experience, anything that has been chronic over time has a psychological component." - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
"The body is a map to the mind." - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
"Our cells are singing...and when we become diseased, they change their tune." - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
"The chakra system is the highway where all of these energetic systems suddenly collide." - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
"The sounds that you yourself make in terms of your thoughts, the words that you speak, are shaping your health." - Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary Website
https://drkulreetchaudhary.com/
"Sound Medicine" (Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary book)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062867334
Healthy Directions
https://www.healthydirections.com/dr-kulreet-chaudhary
Chakra Mantra
Demo starts at 53:45 in the episode
The Adult Chair® Membership (June Theme: Grounding)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
317: How to Manifest Anything with Dr. Joe Vitale
Whether you love manifesting or you?re still a little skeptical, I want you to consider one thing: if the Law of Attraction really is a law of nature, like gravity, is it possible that it is working in your life whether you know it or not?
Is it possible that your unconscious beliefs are shaping your reality in ways you don?t realize ? or want ? simply because you haven?t chosen another way of thinking?
This was the reality of Dr. Joe Vitale?s life when he was homeless and living on the floor of the Dallas library. A lifelong learner with a love for books, he would spend hours in the self-development section, trying to figure out what was keeping him stuck in life. He realized he was carrying a tremendous amount of limiting beliefs, including the belief that he needed to suffer to be successful, and these beliefs were the very reason he was in the circumstances he was in.
As he changed his beliefs, he changed his entire life from his finances to his career, and today he?s a wildly successful author, actor, musician and guru on the Law of Attraction ? and I was so honored to speak with him on today?s show.
Dr. Joe helps explain the Law of Attraction and how it works on a practical level, showing how what we focus on is what we get, and walks us through a beautiful Hawaiian process for healing ourselves and those around us. I asked him all the tough questions and got all of the answers for you, so you can look at this concept through a new lens and start creating the life you want!
Listen to discover:
How Dr. Joe went from being homeless to being a wildly successful author, actor and musician ? just by shifting his beliefs Where to start getting the life you want What the law of attraction is and why it can work for you (even if you don't think so) The importance of choosing love instead of fear for creating the life you want Why your unconscious beliefs make all the difference in manifestation The power of the ho'oponopono prayer and how to use itAt the end of the day, the Law of Attraction is based on the idea that we see and get more of what we focus on. Wouldn?t you rather focus on love than on fear or hate, no matter what ? and especially if doing so was directly connected to the reality you were living? This is an awesome show to help you get started on that path and begin to see that miracles ARE possible!
?The inner work is what got me here.? - Dr. Joe Vitale
?In order to change the outside reality, you gotta go inside.? - Michelle Chalfant
?You?re not purposely, consciously choosing most of these beliefs. Most of them you?ve absorbed.? - Dr. Joe Vitale
?The ?how? is the number one thing that stops people.? - Dr. Joe Vitale
"Fear and hate are two of the most powerful manifesting emotions that there are." - Dr. Joe Vitale
"Emotion is fire for creating what you want." - Dr. Joe Vitale
"The law of attraction is how your brain works. It is bringing to you what you're focused on." - Dr. Joe Vitale
?I love working with the unconscious mind because that is where, to me, the magic is." - MIchelle Chalfant
?It seems to me the only limits we have are mental constructs.? - Dr. Joe Vitale
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Joe Vitale Website
Zero Limits Living (Joe Vitale TV Show)
https://zerolimitslivingtv.com/
?Zero Limits? (one of many Joe Vitale books)
https://www.amazon.com/Zero-Limits-Secret-Hawaiian-System/dp/0470402563
?Homeless to Billionaire? (Andres Pira with Dr. Joe Vitale book)
https://www.amazon.com/Homeless-Billionaire-Principles-Attraction-Opportunity/dp/1946633860
The Adult Chair® Membership (June theme: Grounding)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
316: Healing with Psychedelics with Paul Austin
I?m sure we all have an image that comes into our minds when we think about psychedelics ? probably something related to hippies, jam bands, and wild colors and shapes. But what if there?s something more to these substances? What if they could be powerful tools for healing?
I know, I know: when I first heard people ask that question, I was skeptical too. I thought of psychedelics as drugs, and I definitely don?t advocate for drug use or numbing out instead of feeling emotions. But when I started researching the history of psychedelics and how they are being used in therapeutic settings, I began to open my mind to their possibilities, and I invite you to approach this episode with an open mind as well.
My guest today, Paul Austin, is a young entrepreneur leading the charge on making responsible, therapeutic use of psychedelics more understood and accepted. As Paul explains in the episode, the reason psychedelics have such healing potential is that they make the unconscious mind manifest, so we can see our shadow beliefs and understand the "why" behind some of the patterns in our lives. They can help us process trauma without activating the fear response in the brain and help us see life from a new perspective, which can heal anxiety, depression, PTSD and other issues at the source.
Paul does an amazing job breaking down the most common psychedelics, exactly how they work in the brain and what the experience is like with each one. We talk about the importance of intention, environment, and dosage (we are NOT advocating for using these at, say, Bonnaroo) and why it's essential to have a therapist with you in the experience.
Listen to discover:
What a psychedelic actually is A breakdown of the common psychedelics The importance of using these substances in a therapeutic setting for proper dosing, guidance, and integration of the experience Demystifying the psychedelic experience How various psychedelics work in the brain and what each one is helpful in treating What microdosing is and how it worksPsychedelics are an intriguing topic that I actually get asked about a lot, and I hope you guys enjoy this research-driven episode that just might change your mind about these powerful plant medicines.
"The word 'psychedelic' literally means 'mind manifesting.'" - Paul Austin
"Psychedelics are phenomenal ways that we can heal unknown aspects of self." - Michelle Chalfant
"There's a way to do this appropriately and consciously and in a healthy way." - Michelle Chalfant
"What ketamine does neurologically, or to the brain if you will, is that it does a phenomenal job of dissolving the ego." - Paul Austin
"A lot of these mental health conditions, whether it's anxiety, depression or OCD, are caused by rigidity in the brain." - Paul Austin
"That inner healing intelligence that's so often shut down, psychedelics often help to bring that to the forefront." - Paul Austin
"We look at things one way. And with a psychedelic, you get to look at it from a higher perspective and from a different perspective." - Michelle Chalfant
"Oftentimes the healing potential from psilocybin is because you're basically facing your trauma head on." - Paul Austin
"Having someone to help you integrate is hugely important. You have to have a therapist or a guide or someone that sits with you." - Michelle Chaflant
LINKS & RESOURCES
The Third Wave (Paul Austin Company)
Paul Austin Website
Paul Austin Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/paulaustin3w/
Paul Austin Twitter
https://twitter.com/PaulAustin3w
Episode #228: Breakthrough Treatments For Anxiety, Depression And Stress with Dr. David Rabin
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/228/
Fantastic Fungi
https://fantasticfungi.com/watch/
"A Really Good Day"
https://www.amazon.com/Really-Good-Day-Microdosing-Difference/dp/1664458972
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
315: Emotional Mastery with Dr. Joan Rosenberg
We all experience emotions, but most of us don?t really understand what emotions are. These feelings can drastically alter our day, our life and our experience in the world, yet they?re intangible and often messy and confusing. It?s no wonder many of us try to avoid them altogether.
Well, get ready to have your mind blown and to see emotions in a whole new light in this brilliant episode with Dr. Joan Rosenberg. Dr. Rosenberg began her study of emotions when she was trying to figure out what made some people confident in life, and her finding was surprising: confidence didn?t just come from a sense of self-esteem but from our ability to handle uncomfortable emotions.
As she dug deeper into the human emotional experience, she uncovered a world of surprises around our understanding of emotions and how we can better process, experience and master our emotions.
We talked about why emotions are so uncomfortable for us (it?s not why you think), what a compliment really is and why it matters so much, what drives fear, anxiety and grief, our fears around emotions and how we get stuck in emotion. Dr. Joan also shares her formula for feeling, experiencing and expressing the eight core emotions in an authentic way that helps them truly move through us.
Listen to discover:
The unexpected key to building confidence "The Rosenberg Reset" formula to build confidence The 3 things that cause our uncomfortable feelings to linger (it's not the feelings themselves!) Steps to build more confidence The true power of a compliment (this one left me speechless) What's actually underneath fear and anxiety Why we need to both feel AND express our emotionsAs much as I talk about emotions, I was still left speechless more than once in this episode as Dr. Rosenberg got to the heart of what is really beneath certain emotions and my perspective was shifted in so many ways. This is a truly empowering show that will help you live a more balanced and confident life.
?We need to learn as humans how to feel our emotions.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The ability or the capacity to handle unpleasant feelings really is the foundation of confidence.? - Dr Joan Rosenberg
?I think of confidence as the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face or whatever you pursue.? - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"We're one interconnected whole...The brain is always feeding information to the body, and the body is always feeding information to the brain." Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"It comes down to handling short-lived bodily sensation waves." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"100% of the time that sensation morphs and vanishes if they stay with it." - Michelle Chalfant
"We metabolize feeling by feeling it and expressing it." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"If you want to stop your ruminating thoughts, you have to feel the emotion that's underneath the rumination." - Michelle Chalfant
"I think of the ability to speak up as the superglue to confidence." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"A compliment is a reflection of you back to you." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"What looks like arrogance is insecurity." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
"Disguised grief is the gap between what we wanted, what we needed, what we felt we deserved and what we really got." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Joan Rosenberg
?90 Seconds to a Life You Love? (Dr. Joan Rosenberg book)
https://www.amazon.com/Seconds-Life-You-Love-Authenticity/dp/1478999764
Dr. Joan Rosenberg TED Talk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKy19WzkPxE
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
314: Healing our Abandonment Wound with Susan Anderson
Rejection is one of the greatest fears we have as humans. Even simple rejections like not making the team or being chosen for a job ? things we know aren?t personal ? still sting deeply. Why does rejection seem to hit at the core of who we are?
Susan Anderson began asking this question when she went through a personal experience of abandonment. The love of her life left her suddenly for another woman, and although she was a practicing psychotherapist with immense knowledge of the human mind, she still found herself in emotional crisis and doubting herself and her worthiness.
As she dug more into this topic, she discovered that we as humans have a primal abandonment wound ? a universal experience that begins when we are born and go from deep union and connection with our mother to a feeling of being separate. This creates deep shame and causes us to search for belonging and worthiness throughout our lives.
And this is why rejection hurts so much: it triggers this deep fear that we might not belong and we might not be worthy.
In this fascinating and important episode, Susan shares her discoveries on the topic of abandonment, why we experience it the ways we do and how a whole host of other issues in our lives can stem from this wound. We discussed why healing abandonment trauma looks different from healing other traumas, the five stages of healing and the tools (all of which are part of The Adult Chair® model) that can heal it.
Listen to discover:
The hidden shame we all have and the root of it The different defences we put up against shame How to raise our awareness to our abandonment wounds Why healing from abandonment looks different from other forms of trauma healing Steps to healing abandonment wounding How working with abandonment wounding can help with people pleasing, codependency and self-sabotage 5 stages of processing abandonment hurtThe primal wound of abandonment is also an opportunity for primal healing. When we learn to love and accept ourselves as worthy and recognize how deeply connected we truly are, we not only heal our abandonment wound, but we can change almost anything in our lives.
"The loneliness is sort of a secondary feeling. The primary is the primal fear and the shame of maybe never being worthy of keeping someone." - Susan Anderson
"The personality itself is a defence against the shame." - Susan Anderson
"When we look at a relationship that ends, it is a retraumatization of what we experienced as a child." - Michelle Chalfant
"The history that leads to a strong reaction in adulthood to abandonment could be very subtle." - Susan Anderson
"You have to take this step, and you go through it...The pain is there, but you go through it, and you get to the other side." - Michelle Chalfant
"Your adult self can now develop an intense, loving, reassuring relationship with your inner child." - Susan Anderson
"It turns this awful emotional crisis that's so painful into an opportunity for something that's probably long overdue, which is self-love." - Susan Anderson
"Doing these steps, you will become an even better, stronger, more self-loving person on the other side of it...even stronger than you were prior to this abandonment wound." - Michelle Chalfant
"The kind of self-love that we're developing is deeper, more mature self-love...the kind of love you give yourself because you respect yourself so much." - Susan Anderson
"We have to stop looking outside of self and turn our attention inward. That's where healing, that's where love, that's where hope, that's where peace, that's where all the things are that we're looking for outside of ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant
"When the adult gets strong and is in command, it limits all of this self-sabotage." - Susan Anderson
LINKS & RESOURCES
Susan Anderson Website (all workshops and resources can be found here)
https://abandonmentrecovery.com
"The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" (Susan Anderson book)
https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Surviving-Recovering/dp/0425273539
The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: How to stop negative thinking)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
313: Developing a Soul Practice with Graham Chalfant
Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE deep conversation, and in this show, I?m letting you in on a beautiful conversation I had with my husband during one of our weekly coffee chats. This was totally unplanned, but as our chat turned into a conversation about the soul, connection and spiritual practice, I felt such important information coming through and hit ?record? so all of you could join us in thinking about how to live a more grounded and loving life.
As humans, most of us live from the place of ego. We stay busy to push down our feelings of loneliness and separateness and miss the presence of something bigger that?s in front of us at all times. When we connect into this deeper part of self, we find comfort, inspiration, ideas and unconditional love.
So, how do we do this? I believe it?s through a ?soul practice? of stillness. Stillness is different from meditation, which is quieting the mind to observe our thoughts. Stillness, on the other hand, is stopping all the ?doing? and chatter of life and tuning into the deeper parts of our being ? our soul.
While this might seem like something reserved for the monks or Zen masters, we can ALL make this a part of life ? without quitting our jobs, skirting our responsibilities or even really changing our schedule. In this episode, I share what my soul practice looks like and how I work stillness into my day, one minute at a time.
Listen to discover:
Steps to connect with your soul Why even meditation can be driven by the ego How to integrate ?micro-moments? of stillness into your day The importance of stopping the constant "doing" and instead just "being" The source of inspiration and comfort How to live a more heart-centered life connected to something biggerTrue stillness is not ego-driven or another task to cross off our list. It's letting go and just ?being? so that something more can come in.
When you get to the end of this episode, I challenge you to sit in stillness for just one minute (and I literally mean 60 seconds!) and make space for your soul. It?s the place I?m striving to live from more and more each day.
?The soul is never not with us. The human body is a garage for the soul.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The ideas come when I sit in these moments of stillness.? - Michelle Chalfant
?For me at least, and I think many other people, the meditation feels like more doing. So, even though it?s quieting the mind, you?re doing something.? - Graham Chalfant
?Micro-moments of stillness create relaxation in the nervous system.? - Michelle Chalfant
?One of the fastest ways to slow yourself down is to slow your breath down.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The revolutionary part is that this is the ??not doing.?? - Graham Chalfant
?When sitting in stillness, we are able to connect with that thing that we all have come from.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If you?d stop doing and stop running so far ahead, the comfort?s right here.? - Graham Chalfant
"We're looking for that connection home again, and home is right inside of all of us." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: How to stop negative thinking)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
312: Healthy Sexuality, Healing Sexual Trauma and Reclaiming Pleasure with Dr. Holly Richmond
Let?s talk about sex, baby! Our sexuality is a core part of ourselves and the human experience, but for too long, we?ve treated sex as a taboo subject. Well, in this episode, we?re ?going there? and hopefully breaking down some walls and shame in the process.
My guest on this episode, Dr. Holly Richmond, is a marriage and family therapist, sex therapist and somatic (body-based) therapist who helps individuals and couples heal trauma and find greater intimacy and connection with themselves and each other. In this episode, we talk about why sexuality (and talking about it) is healthy and necessary and how we can create healthier and more passionate sexual connection, even in long-term relationships.
We also talk about what sexual trauma is (and why it includes more than just assault or abuse), how it affects our sexual development and how we can reclaim our sexual selves and the pleasure we deserve.
Listen to discover:
What happens to sexual desire in long-term relationships Why there is so much shame around talking about sex How to talk to kids about sex and the risks of being exposed to porn too early What sexual trauma is and how it impacts us Healing from childhood sexual trauma How to reclaim pleasure and reignite passion at any ageSexuality is so much more than the physical relationship we have with another person. It?s our experience of passion in the world (?eroticism? refers to our life force, not just our body), and it tells us so much about ourselves. This is why it?s so important to stay connected to this part of ourselves no matter our relationship status, if we?re young and in love or if we have been with our person for years. I hope this episode gives you the freedom to acknowledge, love and prioritize this part of yourself and to live a more passionate and embodied life.
?The seat of human sexuality, the seat of desire is novelty.? - Dr. Holly Richmond
?A lot of western culture, sex and shame go hand in hand.? - Dr. Holly Richmond
?Sexual trauma is any experience that feels violating in a sexual way.? - Dr. Holly Richmond
?If someone is being sexually coercive, that is a sexual trauma for some people.? - Dr. Holly Richmond
?We have to take the whole construct of ourselves into the equation.? - Dr. Holly Richmond
?We?re taught to judge the body.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Eroticism means life force.? - Dr. Holly Richmond
?So many of us suffer in silence, and we need to start talking about this. Sex is not a bad word.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Holly Richmond Website
Dr. Holly Richmond Facebook
https://m.facebook.com/DrHollyRichmond
Dr. Holly Richmond Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/drhollyrichmond/
?Reclaiming Pleasure? (Dr. Holly Richmond book)
https://www.reclaimingyourpleasure.com
Dr. Holly Richmond Course
https://www.reclaimingyourpleasure.com
Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
311: How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk, Negative Beliefs and Addiction with Brian Pennie
When Brian Pennie was just a few weeks old, a medical condition nearly killed him, and the surgery the doctors performed to save his life was done without anesthesia, a common practice for young infants at the time (based on the faulty belief that infants couldn?t feel pain). Though Brian doesn?t consciously remember the surgery, his body remembered, and this early childhood trauma would define how he approached the world for the next several decades of his life.
From this experience, he learned that the world was a painful, dangerous place, and he developed anxiety at a very young age. When he was a teenager, he finally found an anesthetic to numb the pain from so many years ago: heroin. He spent 15 years addicted to the drug until he found himself in the hospital, unemployed and worried he was brain dead, and he finally let go and surrendered.
That moment of surrender led to an awakening in his life where he was able to connect with something bigger and experience the beauty in the world after years of numbness. He began studying meditation, neuroscience and the ways our thoughts, beliefs and self-talk shape our reality, and he was able to heal addiction at the source by healing the trauma and anxiety that he had been trying to escape.
In this incredible episode, Brian tells his powerful story of addiction and healing and then breaks down the science behind how he healed and how all of us can use meditation, breathwork, positive self-talk and inner child work (hello, Adult Chair® tools!) to rewire our brains ? whether we?re struggling with addiction, depression, anxiety, trauma or low self-worth.
Listen to discover:
Brian's story of medical trauma, addiction and how he got clean How stopping negative self-talk transformed his path in life The science of stress and fear and how the breath can help us control this What self-talk is and how we can use it in an empowering way How to challenge your beliefs and how this changes your internal dialogue The link between self-talk and emotions Action steps to break the cycle of negative self-talk Little ways to start breaking out of depression The key to getting over addiction issuesBrian shares his story with so much vulnerability and authenticity, and he truly embodies The Adult Chair life. This episode will move you, inspire you and show you how we can change the story we?re living by changing the story we?re telling ourselves.
?I don?t remember the operation, but my body remembers.? - Brian Pennie
?I never had the general anesthetic as an infant, but when I was 17, I had done heroin for the first time, and I found my anesthetic.? - Brian Pennie
?The narrative of my life was ?I cannot cope with anxiety. I need drugs to survive??I wanted to escape me." - Brian Pennie
"That was the moment when I put up the white flag, and in order to move forward, I had to fall down...I surrendered, and I believe that was the start of all the changes in my life." - Brian Pennie
?I couldn?t see the thinker because the thinker was me.? - Brian Pennie
"Awareness is the catalyst for change." - Brian Pennie
"By changing your beliefs, you change your internal dialogue, you change your self-talk. By changing your self-talk, you change how you feel, you change the consequences of your actions and ultimately change your life." - Brian Pennie
"Watch that absolute thinking that says we ?never ever.? It keeps us stuck. It keeps us limited." - Michelle Chalfant
"The more I worked with my internal state and my emotions, things started to change." - Michelle Chalfant
"We do a lot of inner child work with The Adult Chair. It's powerful, powerful work." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Brian Pennie Website
"Bonus Time" (Brian Pennie book)
https://www.amazon.com/Bonus-Time-surviving-discovering-everyday/dp/0717186350
Free Inner Child Course
https://theadultchair.com/innerchild
Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
310: How to Live with Happiness Daily with Monique Rhodes
If you?ve been around The Adult Chair® for a minute, you?ve heard me say that happiness is an inside job. We are so prone to believe that joy comes from our external circumstances, which leads us to strive and strive for what we think will finally make us happy and blame others for our unhappiness. But the reality is that nothing outside of us will be able to make us happy if we don?t first cultivate a sense of joy and peace within.
My guest today, Monique Rhodes, discovered this truth when she went on her own journey of understanding what makes some people happy in life while others suffer. Though today she works as a happiness strategist and calls herself ?annoyingly happy,? this wasn?t always the case. After a difficult childhood and a number of tragedies, she ended up in the hospital after attempting to take her own life, which led her to explore a wide range of cultures, philosophies and practices to figure out if happiness was something she could actually create in her life. And it turns out, she could!
In this episode, Monique shares the practical habits she uses every day to cultivate a sense of happiness in her life and why they make such a difference in our mental state. These are all simple, free and fast practices that work by shifting our minds towards the positive and helping us see the good that already exists in our world.
Listen to discover:
The strategies that helped her go from depression to daily happiness Practical tools to increase happiness What meditation is and what it isn?t The cause of suffering How taking responsibility for our lives changes everything Building healthy social connections for happiness How to get out of a funk or take steps toward happiness if you?re feeling depressedWe?ve all had that experience where we finally get the job, the house, the relationship, the body or whatever it is we?ve been wanting only to find that nothing about our lives really changes; we still feel sad, depressed or lonely. This is proof that our mental state is what drives our happiness, not things!
Using the practices in this episode, you can turn up the positive in your life, which will help you find joy no matter your circumstances and help you be more present with the good things that do happen in your life ? the icing on the cake of an already happy and peaceful life.
?Where we live is in our mind, and when was the last time that we cleaned out our mind?? - Monique Rhodes
?We believe that happiness and suffering comes from our external circumstances. But it doesn?t. It comes from that mind that we just do not take care of.? - Monique Rhodes
?We have emotional reactions that are triggered usually by things that happened in the past.? - Monique Rhodes
?A meditation practice every day is a game changer.? - Monique Rhodes
?With meditation, consistency is way more important than intensity.? - Monique Rhodes
?Commit to something that you?re willing to commit to, and if you don?t have 10 minutes out of a whole day, you really gotta think about your life.? - Michelle Chalfant
?I think being happy is our birthright.? - Monique Rhodes
?You can find gratitude in anything. You just have to look.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Monique Rhodes Website
The Adult Chair® Membership (April Theme: Emotional Regulation)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
309: How to Save and Strengthen Your Relationship with Matt Fray
You think you?re a good person, you genuinely love your partner and you try to do the right thing ?so why are you struggling in your relationship? Why do you and your partner feel unhappy, disconnected and maybe even headed for divorce?
These are the questions Matt Fray asked himself after his marriage ended. He knew he was a decent guy. He knew he had loved his wife, been faithful and done the things he thought he was ?supposed? to do in a marriage ? yet one day she came to him and asked for a divorce. As he walked through the grief and pain of that experience, he began a journey of self-reflection and blogging to try to understand what went wrong and how people can truly have healthy relationships.
What he uncovered was a series of small habits and dynamics that added up in his relationship and eroded trust and safety over time?and that these dynamics exist in nearly all relationships, including relationships made up of good people who really do love each other. Now, he?s on a mission to help good people become good partners by understanding the root of relationship problems and how to fix them.
In this episode, Matt reveals the invisible habits that kill relationships, how we can turn our relationships around and how to build trust, safety and lifelong love.
Listen to discover:
Matt?s story of his marriage ending and what he did next The habits and blind spots that damage and even destroy our relationships The three ways we invalidate people unintentionally Why defensiveness can be so damaging The importance of empathy and consideration in relationships How to break the cycle of invalidation and build trust and safetyNothing in life is static. Either we?re cultivating our relationships and on a trajectory of trust or we?re neglecting our relationships and on a trajectory of breakdown. Too often, we can?t see this trajectory until it all falls apart. I love Matt?s work because he?s helping us open our eyes to the invisible ways we?re either creating or damaging our relationships, even when things seem ?fine,? and giving us one of the most important gifts a person can have: the power of choice to do things differently and change the trajectory we?re on.
?There?s so much power in that ?I?m not alone? experience.? - Matt Fray
?That?s when healing truly began ? when I took ownership and responsibility for my lot in life.? - Matt Fray
?When you think you?re a good person, it?s so easy to not accept responsibility for harm that?s being experienced by someone else.?- Matt Fray
?Very good people who really, truly love each other can do this to one another.? - Matt Fray
?Once you associate invalidation with the erosion of trust, then you can make the conscious decision to validate.? - Matt Fray
?When we go through something unusual, it is our job to share, ?You know, I really need help with this,? and it?s our partner?s job to show up and say, ?I?ve got you.?? - Michelle Chalfant
?It?s not about being right ? it?s being there in it with that person.? - Michelle Chalfant
?The low-hanging fruit?is ?I?m not going to invalidate.?? - Matt Fray
LINKS & RESOURCES
Matt Fray Website
?This Is How Your Marriage Ends? (Matt Fray book)
https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships/dp/0063072254/
?The Mask You Live In? Documentary
https://therepproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/
The Adult Chair® Membership (April Theme: Emotional Regulation)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
308: Bending Reality with Yemi Penn
When we?re born into the world, we?re born into a set of assumptions and norms. When this is all we?ve known, we think this is just the way the world works ? but what if it?s all just an illusion? What if there?s another way to live ? outside of the status quo ? and how can you manifest that life for yourself?
Yemi Penn calls this ?bending reality,? and, no, she?s not talking about some kind of Star Wars-like force ? she?s talking about questioning societal norms, thinking outside of the box for ourselves and removing what gets in the way of the life we want to live. After experiencing childhood trauma and a period of homelessness, Yemi decided it was up to her to transform her trauma and turn it into a gift. This led her to live all over the world, run four successful businesses, tell stories through books and documentaries and build a life inspiring others to overcome fear, find their power and grow into their potential.
In this episode, we discuss healing from trauma, how we can reframe our norms and preconceived ideas about life and four steps to radical change ? first in our minds and then in our reality.
Listen to discover:
The definition of trauma Methods that work well for healing trauma What "bending reality" is and how to break out of the status quo Four steps for radical change The role of ego and identity The power of suspending disbelief and seeing possibilities for your lifeI love Yemi?s perspective because this isn?t pie-in-the-sky thinking or idealism. It?s grounded in science, authenticity and real-life experiences of overcoming trauma and failure in order to show that anything is possible. She is a phenomenal person with so much wisdom to share, and I hope this inspires you to live a bold life of connection, bravery and power.
What is a reality you would dream of for yourself if there were no societal conventions and expectations holding you back? What if you decided they didn?t matter?
"I'm asking the question, 'Can trauma be transformative?'" - Yemi Penn
"I think there's so much wisdom in our own bodies that we haven't even connected with." - Yemi Penn
"We need to start trusting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant
"Bending reality is almost removing yourself from the reality that we all appear to live in...It means not signing up for what we have been told is the only way to be." - Yemi Penn
"Bending reality for me is beginning to learn how to dance with the fear of criticism." - Yemi Penn
"Pretend you were not in this version of reality and you were somebody else. Who would you need to be to make it happen?" - Yemi Penn
"The ego really puts us in these boxes and says, 'No, you have to do it this way.'" - Michelle Chalfant
"You can't expect life to show up differently. You have to have radical change." - Michelle Chalfant
"We have to subtract the fear from that innate power we have that most of us have forgotten." - Yemi Penn
LINKS & RESOURCES
Yemi Penn Website
Yemi Penn TED Talk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrKE2vMamA4
Yemi Penn Documentary
https://www.yemipenn.com/documentary
?Did You Get the Memo?? (Yemi Penn book)
Yemi Penn Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/YemiPenn/
Yemi Penn Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/yemi.penn
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
307: Seasonal Affective Disorder with Dr. Norman Rosenthal
There's a funny meme I see floating around the internet that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was winter."
It's a joke, but as always, there's truth in humor ? and the reality is that winter REALLY does affect our mood (and how we react to others) at a scientific level.
This is due to something called "seasonal affective disorder," or SAD, and it has everything to do with the amount of sunlight we're getting and how it affects our brains. It can even show up as major depression. And in today's episode, I'm interviewing the scientist who discovered this phenomenon himself, Dr. Norman Rosenthal.
Dr. Rosenthal is a fascinating man who loves everything from science to poetry and how people can experience greater well-being. He is passionate about, quite literally, bringing more light to this world, and he shares the creative and scientific process of how he and his colleagues discovered SAD, how they tested light therapy for SAD, who SAD affects the most, and some steps we can all take to make it through the winter.
Listen to discover:
His story of discovering seasonal affective disorder What SAD actually is and how it works The genetic and hormonal roots of SAD The difference between the winter blues and SAD The benefits of light therapy Surprising healing tools like poetry and Botox Rosenthal?s latest work with poetry for healingAs we spring forward and April is around the corner, I?m beginning to feel a sense of hope and reawakening, but we?re not out of the woods yet. SAD is still affecting our friends in the Southern Hemisphere, in places that get a lot of rain like Seattle and England, and any of us who don?t spend enough time getting out in the light. So, here?s your reason to get up from your desk and take a walk around the block on the next sunny day ? maybe with a book of poetry in hand.
"Where previously you'd only seen light as a vehicle for vision, now you see it as a vehicle for well-being." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal
"It's genetic, it's hormonal and it's environmental." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal
"SAD is actually a form of major depression." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal
?I?m a great believer in training yourself to realize when you?re getting enough light.? - Dr. Norman Rosenthal
?I don?t think a lot of people understand that this is what happens to so many of us [in the winter months].? - Michelle Chalfant
?When you really sit and listen or when you?re reading [poetry], it just speaks to our soul.? - Michelle Chalfant
"As a human, we get to experience everything from love to fear and everything in between. They're rich, beautiful emotions ? every single one of them." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
?Poetry Rx? (Dr. Norman Rosenthal book)
https://www.amazon.com/Poetry-Rx-Inspiring-Poems-Bring/dp/172250546X
?Winter Blues? (Dr. Norman Rosenthal book)
https://www.amazon.com/Winter-Blues-Fourth-Everything-Affective/dp/1609181859
Verilux HappyLight
https://verilux.com/collections/happylight-therapy-lamps-boxes
Carex Day-Light
https://carex.com/products/carex-day-light-classic-plus-light-therapy-sun-lamp
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
306: Empath vs. Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Does it ever feel like other people in your life just have more capacity than you? They float through busy social calendars, difficult family situations, work stress and world events while you feel overwhelmed, bogged down and exhausted. You wonder what?s wrong with you and if they?re right: you really are too sensitive.
If that sounds like you, there is NOTHING wrong with you; you just might be an empath or highly sensitive person (HSP) ? someone who takes in more emotions, energy and input from the world around you.
Being an empath or highly sensitive person is something that many people live with, but many don?t know it (or even know that it?s a thing!). And while being an empath can be an amazing gift, it can also create challenges in life when we?re unaware.
Because we feel others? emotions so deeply, it can be very emotionally overwhelming and even lead to depression, anxiety and numbing behaviors if we don?t have self-care strategies in our toolbox. This was the story of my life for years until I learned to honor this part of myself, set good boundaries and recharge!
In this episode, I?m helping you understand the difference between an empath and a HSP, the signs you might be an empath and steps to take care of yourself if these traits resonate with you.
Listen to discover:
The definition of an empath and a HSP The difference between empathy and being an empath 13 traits of empaths How to raise awareness to these traits in yourself Survival and self-care strategies for empaths and HSPsEmpaths and HSPs don?t have any less capacity or ability to handle life than anyone else. They don?t need to ?toughen up? or get thicker skin, and there?s no such thing as being too sensitive. In reality, empaths and HSPs are very strong people who are just taking in more of the world than the average person.
Through self-care, we can learn to manage all the ?inputs? coming in and create time to recharge, so we can balance our wonderful sensitivity with our needs. I hope the strategies in this episode help you survive and thrive in an overwhelming world without numbing out or squashing your beautiful empathetic gifts.
?There?s a big difference between just someone who?s sensitive with a lot of empathy and an empath.? - Michelle Chalfant
?An empath is highly attuned to the energy of others.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We?re picking up on other people's emotions and we think they?re ours.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If you are moody, if you feel low a lot, even if you?re depressed, it could be that you?re taking on too many people?s emotions.? - Michelle Chalfant
?I learned not to open myself up to everybody?s problems.? - Michelle Chalfant
?No matter what you are ? HSP or empath ? please practice excellent self-care.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Empath Meditation for Cleansing and Clearing Your Energy
https://theadultchair.com/portfolio_page/empath-meditation-for-cleansing-and-clearing-your-energy/
A Guided Meditation for Cleansing Relationships and Cutting Cords
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
305: How To Build Healthy Relationships
Relationships are one of the most basic human needs, but building healthy relationships takes self-awareness and work. While we talk a lot about behaviors that can make a relationship unhealthy, such as narcissism and gaslighting (which are both more than unhealthy ? they?re abuse), I thought it was time to talk about what makes a relationship a keeper.
What traits can you look to as your benchmark to see if your relationship is healthy and what should you aspire to if you?re working on creating healthier relationships in your life?
In this episode, I?m sharing eight traits that healthy relationships have in common ? whether that?s a relationship with a partner, friend, family member or anyone!
Listen to discover:
The 8 qualities of a healthy relationship What an apology is and what it isn?t How to have open, honest communication Relationship truths to live byThis doesn?t mean you have to get this right 100% of the time to be healthy, but healthy people DO work to repair mistakes and deepen connection, and that is what these practices will help you do.
Remember that, while it takes two to tango, you can change the dance of your relationship just by working on yourself. As you live more authentically from your Adult Chair, you will find the way you respond to others and the way you show up and communicate changes. If you?re in a relationship with another healthy individual, they will be drawn to match your energy and meet you with more authenticity, vulnerability and openness ? the keys to connection.
?We don?t need to change other people to become who we want them to be.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If you hurt someone you care about, you apologize.? - Michelle Chalfant
?People in healthy relationships are interested in knowing what you need.? - Michelle Chalfant
?We remember to use the word ?I? and not ?you.? We express OUR needs.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Relationships take work ? they really do.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Episode #302: Gaslighting 101
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/302-gaslighting-101/
Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/
Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
304: Trauma Healing with Ilene Smith
When we think of trauma, many of us think of war, a car accident or a major, life-altering event. Though all of these events are certainly traumatic, they are only one type of trauma ? what we often call ?big T? trauma.
But there are many other forms of subtler trauma, including small events that happen over and over again (especially in childhood), that overwhelm our nervous systems and shape the way we move through the world. I would argue that most humans have had some sort of trauma in their lives, and you?d be surprised by how many times I?ve sat with clients who didn?t even know they had trauma. Heck, it took me decades to realize I had trauma from childhood!
I think this is partly because trauma is such a loaded word, so on today?s show, I?m talking with a trauma expert, Ilene Smith, about what trauma actually is, how to notice if we?re living with trauma and how to heal it.
Listen to discover:
What trauma is Clues that you might be living with trauma How trauma affects attachment style as adults What trauma bonding is How to heal a dysregulated nervous system Steps to heal trauma starting today
Here?s the thing about trauma: it has less to do with what actually happened (the event) and everything to do with how that event was interpreted and processed by our nervous system. Even small things can be overwhelming to the nervous system when they happen over time, when we?re children (because we don?t have any filters or discernment) and/or when we don?t have a strong sense of safety and support to help us process the painful events of our lives. And once our nervous system has been ?trained? to react a certain way, it can get stuck there even once the trauma is over.
Bringing a sense of safety back to the nervous system is key to building up resilience and allowing yourself to process the stuck fight, flight or freeze energy. This happens in the body, which means the ability to heal your nervous system is as close to you as you are to yourself. I hope this episode brings you some lightbulb moments on what might be happening in your body and how you can begin to connect and heal.
?People often think of trauma as an event, but it's really the energy that gets locked in the body around real or perceived threat." - Ilene Smith
?Trauma can be a series of lots of little things.? - Ilene Smith
?The way we?re living could be the residuals of those childhood experiences.? - Ilene Smith
?As a kid growing up, we don?t know, ?Oh wait, I?m emotionally not safe.?? - Michelle Chalfant
?When there?s childhood trauma, relationships are much harder when you enter adulthood.? - Ilene Smith
?There?s usually something unhealed if we can?t attach in healthy ways.? - Ilene Smith
?When we get into reactivity, we don?t get into our experience.? - Ilene Smith
?The healing journey is about the body.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When you think about going towards a distraction, think about what it might be like to get into your body in a safe way.? - Ilene Smith
LINKS & RESOURCES
Ilene Smith Website
Ilene Smith Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/ilenesmithhealing/
?Moving Beyond Trauma? (Ilene Smith book)
https://movingbeyondtrauma.co/
ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Test
The Adult Chair® Membership (March Theme: Self-compassion)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
303: The Anxiety Survival Guide with The Anxiety Sisters
Do you know what anxiety really feels like? I?m not talking about the emotions of fear or stress, but what it feels like in your body.
So many of us live with anxiety and don?t even know it because it?s SO physical. It?s even easy to mistake it for physical disease, like heart issues or digestive issues.
That was the case for Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek, two soul sisters who are both mental health professionals and the founders of Anxiety Sisters, a supportive community for those living with anxiety. Though they can now see how their anxiety began showing up in early childhood, for years, they bounced from doctor to doctor and even spent time in the hospital before realizing the root cause of their suffering was anxiety.
This began their passion to help raise awareness around anxiety and help anxiety sufferers learn how to live full, happy lives ? anxiety and all. We had an incredible conversation about all things anxiety and how to heal it, and I resonated with so many parts of their story?these ladies are the real deal!
Listen to discover:
Our stories of recognizing and healing anxiety How anxiety manifests as physical symptoms The power of acceptance in managing anxiety Why connection is key to healing anxiety How to pack a "spin kit" so you'll be prepared when anxiety strikes The difference between anxiety and a panic attack How to overcome phobias and agoraphobiaI know I have a lot of favorite topics, but anxiety is one I really feel we can't talk about enough. Too many people in the world are suffering from anxiety without even knowing it, and we have so many tools ? from our support system to our sensory system ? to help us find peace and balance in life.
It?s not about never feeling anxious again but learning how to find your own brand of happiness and how to take charge so anxiety no longer runs the show.
"I still didn't have the vocabulary or the words to make these connections of what I was feeling and how that was connected to anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek
"Anxiety becomes really debilitating when it's in the driver's seat." - Abbe Greenberg
"I think there is this process of accepting anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek
"Acceptance doesn't mean anything other than, 'This is where I am.?" - Michelle Chalfant
"Our brand of happy is anxious happy." - Abbe Greenberg
"Anxiety can no longer sneak up on you. And when it can't sneak up on you, it takes away two thirds of its power." - Abbe Greenberg
"No two people have the same exact anxiety and panic." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Anxiety Sisters Website
Anxiety Sisters Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/anxietysisters
*Home of a Tuesday night book club + supportive community
The Spin Cycle (Anxiety Sisters Podcast)
https://anxietysisters.com/podcasts/
"The Anxiety Sisters' Survival Guide" (Anxiety Sisters Book)
https://anxietysisters.com/anxiety-sisters-survival-guide/
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
302: Gaslighting 101
You love them, and you think they love you?so why does it feel like you?re going crazy so often in your relationship?
You leave conversations feeling confused, questioning your reality and maybe even questioning your own sanity.
You might be in a relationship with a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is a term that is thrown around frequently, but it is far more than someone questioning us or challenging us. Gaslighting is intentional, manipulative and designed to whittle away someone?s self-confidence. In short, it?s abuse.
Though gaslighting often happens in romantic relationships with narcissists, it can also happen in friendships and family relationships, with men and women and with people who don?t struggle with narcissistic traits but who might struggle with control issues or other mental disorders.
In this episode, I?m sharing what gaslighting is, what it looks like in real life and ways to tell if you?re being gaslighted.
Listen to discover:
What gaslighting is What it looks like and sounds like 5 tactics of a gaslighter 2 signs you might be in a relationship with a gaslighter What to do if you're being gaslightedThe term ?gaslighting? actually comes from a 1944 movie about a man who tries to make his wife think she?s going insane?and that is exactly how being gaslighted feels ? crazy making!
If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you can start the healing process by building up self-worth and finding people who can help guide you back to what is true about you and your life. The more connected you are to yourself, the better you will be able to see what is real and what is not and make decisions about how to move forward.
"Gaslighting ? let's be clear ? it's abusive." - Michelle Chalfant
"If someone is gaslighting you, you're going to feel confused, and confused a lot." - Michelle Chalfant
"Gaslighting is all about manipulation, power and control." - Michelle Chalfant
"'I'm sorry you feel that way,' is not an apology." - Michelle Chalfant
"When the person that you love keeps speaking to you like this, it wears you down." - Michelle Chalfant
"A gaslighter is the eternal victim." - Michelle Chalfant
"If someone is gaslighting you, stay in your own reality. Do not challenge them...you'll never win." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It
Narcissism is such a buzzword these days...it can be tempting to throw the label at anyone in our lives who isn't healthy or who is a little bit full of themselves. While I love that psychology is so accessible and that the world has a lot more awareness of narcissism than in the past, it?s so important to understand what narcissism really is, so we can spot it and heal from it ? whether you are in a relationship with a narcissist or believe you?re a narcissist yourself.
In this episode, I?m breaking down the core traits of narcissism (it?s more than just a big ego), the childhood wounding that leads to narcissism and the steps you can take to heal the painful effects of narcissism.
Listen to discover:
What narcissism is The top traits of narcissism How narcissism forms How to spot narcissist red flags in a relationship Breaking down "love bombing," "gaslighting" and other common narcissistic tactics (with examples) How to heal if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist How a narcissist can healBeing in a relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly painful. It?s often filled with emotional abuse and manipulation, put downs and a lack of empathy that can be incredibly confusing and damaging to our sense of self. If you?re experiencing any type of abuse in a relationship, get out!
At the same time, it?s important to remember we?re all human, and the narcissist is also in pain from deep childhood wounding that has caused them to cover up their true selves. With awareness, any of us can heal, and I hope this episode helps shed some light on the topic of narcissism and gives you practical tips for healing, whether you?re recovering from a relationship with a narcissist or have narcissistic traits yourself.
"Let's be really clear: true narcissism is a personality disorder." - Michelle Chalfant
"Narcissists can love, but they can't empathize. They can't feel their emotions, so how in the world are they supposed to connect to your emotions?" - Michelle Chalfant
"Narcissism is a mask." - Michelle Chalfant
"They inflate their sense of self to feel important in the world." - Michelle Chalfant
"At the root of both these narcissistic pathways is deep shame." - Michelle Chalfant
"The narcissist just wants admiration from you, and once they hook you, everything starts to change." - Michelle Chalfant
?You did not get into the relationship knowing what you know now. In a sense, you were tricked.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Anybody can heal that wants to heal. Anybody.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Adult Chair Podcast Episodes on Feeling Emotions https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/?sterm=emotions
The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
300: How to Be a Boundary Boss with Terri Cole
Are you convinced you?re just bad at boundaries? Do you worry this is a trait that you were born without and you?re just destined to feel taken advantage of and resentful for the rest of your life?
The truth is that no one is born good at boundaries! They?re not something you have or don?t have; they?re a skill you develop. That?s right ? you CAN become a boundary boss!
My guest today, Terri Cole, is a boundary boss herself and a licensed psychotherapist who helps people from all walks of life overcome the ?disease to please,? speak their truth clearly and confidently and live more free, peaceful lives. We talk about how our boundary scripts form (and why it?s not your fault), how to navigate conflict in a healthier way and a POWERFUL list of ?boundary rights? you have that will inspire you to take more control of your life today!
Listen to discover:
Why boundaries are so hard to set Steps to stop abandoning yourself and set better boundaries ?The Boundary Boss Bill of Rights? (this is SO powerful!) How to handle pushback against boundaries What to do about boundary "repeat offenders"The cool thing about boundaries is that once you start setting them, it gets easier and easier. Though some people will push back against your boundaries, you might be surprised by the amount of appreciation and respect you get from others when you begin setting boundaries.
You will learn that conflict doesn?t equal disconnection ? in fact, boundaries deepen connection and prevent resentment ? and you will really experience what it feels like to be loved for your authentic self. And once you know how that feels, there is no turning back!
?We all have this downloaded boundary blueprint in our unconscious mind.? - Terri Cole
?It?s your own personal rules of engagement?All of our boundaries are incredibly unique.? - Terri Cole
?We were raised and praised ? most of us ? for being self-abandoning codependents.? - Terri Cole
?It?s so much easier to say no when you haven?t already said yes.? - Terri Cole
"'Isn't self-care selfish?' No, it's self-loving!" - Michelle Chalfant
"Once you start doing it, it feels so good to be known. It feels so good to be accurately seen." - Terri Cole
"We can stay lovingly attached to the people in our lives while we set boundaries." - Terri Cole
LINKS & RESOURCES
Terri Cole Website
Terri Cole Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/terricole/
?Boundary Boss? (Terri Cole book)
The Terri Cole Show (Terri Cole podcast)
https://www.terricole.com/podcast/
Free Boundaries + Codependency Resource from Terri Cole
https://boundaryboss.me/michelle
Episode #140: Love and Boundaries with Terri Cole
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/140-love-and-boundaries-with-terri-cole/
Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/
The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
299: Healing from Heartbreak and Finding Self-Love with Gabrielle Stone
A month-long trip to Europe might sound like a dream, but for Gabrielle Stone, it was one more curveball during one of the hardest years of her life.
After catching her husband cheating on her, getting divorced, falling head over heels for a new man and planning a dream trip to Europe with him, days before they were scheduled to leave, he told her he would be going on his own.
With a plane ticket in her name and a choice to stay home or leap from the world of ?serial monogamy? to a solo adventure, Gabrielle chose the path of adventure, and in doing so, began a journey of self-discovery and healing that has become the ?Eat, Pray, #FML? movement.
Alone with her emotions halfway across the world, Gabrielle started journaling and reflecting on herself and the patterns in her life. Through connecting with herself and discovering what self-love really means, she healed heartbreak, trauma and abandonment, and today, she vulnerably and authentically shares her journey with the hope of inspiring others.
Listen to discover:
Gabrielle's story of healing from abandonment, trauma, divorce and depression Practical, tangible ways to love yourself Gabrielle's "self-love cocktail" and how you can create your own The "thought onion" process for working with negative and subconscious thoughts The connection between trauma and the relationships we attract
Gabrielle is relatable, funny and honest as she talks about life, relationships and changing our unhealed patterns so we can change our lives. I hope her story is an inspiration to anyone who needs to feel like you?re not alone and find joy in the healing process.
"That relationship was really what pushed me to go heal a lot of this abandonment stuff." - Gabrielle Stone
"There's something very therapeutic about physically writing in a journal." - Gabrielle Stone
"When I realized that loving yourself is as simple as giving your soul the things it loves, it totally changed everything for me." - Gabrielle Stone
"We don't take enough time ? down time ? to get to know who we are." - Michelle Chalfant
"When you keep attracting the same kind of people into your life, you have to look inward." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Gabrielle Stone Website
Gabrielle Stone Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/gabriellestone/
Gabrielle Stone TikTok
https://www.tiktok.com/@gabrielle_stone
?Eat, Pray, #FML? (Gabrielle Stone book)
https://www.amazon.com/Eat-Pray-FML-Gabrielle-Stone/dp/1733963707
?The Ridiculous Misadventures of a Single Girl? (Gabrielle Stone book)
https://www.amazon.com/Ridiculous-Misadventures-Single-Girl-Pray/dp/B09G5GRJJM
FML Talk (Gabrielle Stone podcast)
https://www.eatprayfml.com/fml-talk
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
298: How to Work with and Tame the Inner Critic with Jenny Jansen
All of us have an inner critic ? the part that reminds us of our limits, our failures and tries to ?keep us in line.? It?s that voice inside your head that can be critical, judgmental and even mean. Though it?s just one part of who we are, the inner critic is one of those parts that can be especially painful and stressful to deal with.
Not only does the inner critic impact our sense of self-worth, but it also keeps us stuck and small in life (although it thinks it?s keeping us safe). We will often find this part standing between us and the dreams that are in our heart, telling us all the reasons why we can?t or shouldn?t.
That is what Adult Chair® Coach Jenny Jansen encountered when she was considering joining The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. She knew her heart was telling her to take the leap, but her inner critic dialed the volume up and tried to keep her stuck in fear.
In this episode, Jenny tells the story of how she used The Adult Chair® to work with and transform her inner critic and how that was the first step toward living a life where she feels purposeful, energized and successful. Jenny shares a detailed example of doing her own parts work, helping illustrate what this work looks like in real life and how transformational it is.
Listen to discover:
How Jenny transformed her inner critic from her Adult Chair The tools Jenny used to work with her inner critic A beautiful parts work example from Jenny?s work How Jenny overcame her fears about The Adult Chair Coaching Certification and became an amazingly successful coachAs Jenny worked with her inner critic, she discovered that underneath the blame and shame it was throwing her way was fear. This is usually the case for our Adolescent parts ? they are afraid and want to keep us safe. When we turn towards them with our healthy Adult voice and let them know they?re ok, they transform.
Jenny?s story is a powerful example of how the goal is not to get rid of parts of ourselves but rather to integrate them into our whole self, with our healthy Adult in charge.
?I feel like my inner critic was born when I was born.? - Jenny Jansen
?When I turned toward it, I realized there was so much fear underneath.? - Jenny Jansen
?The more you turn away from that voice, it gets louder.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When we?re able to turn toward those parts and get to know them, they morph.? - Michelle Chalfant
?A lot of times, we mix up feeling safe with feeling familiar.? - Jenny Jansen
?What is it going to take to move your body path in line with your soul path?? - Jenny Jansen
?When we take these risks and work with these inner parts and walk through our fears, we become more authentic. We live more from our true self, our true essence, and we have an experience of it.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Jenny Jansen Website
https://www.trueconsciousliving.com/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
297: Overcoming Fear with Scout Sobel
When we think about the lives we want to live ? the things we want to do and experience and the big dreams we have ? the ego will give us a thousand reasons ?why not.?
Some of these reasons might be real traumas or health issues we have to overcome; others are figments of the ego?s imagination?fear and discomfort that scream at us to stay in the safe place.
But one thing is certain: anyone who has created more for themselves has overcome struggles and fears to build the life of their dreams.
My guest, Scout Sobel, shares her story of working through depression and bipolar disorder and overcoming fear to become a successful entrepreneur, building a company rooted in emotional health and inspiring others with her podcasts about business and self-care. She shares her healing journey, her non-negotiable practices that keep her body and mind in balance and how she continues overcoming fear daily to create a life beyond what she thought possible.
Listen to discover:
How Scout became an active participant in her own healing The rituals and practices Scout uses each day to stay emotionally healthy The power of taking ?radical responsibility? for our emotions The importance of not settling and how to find a framework for life that works with how you?re uniquely wired Listening to your inner compass and finding safety in your emotionsScout?s story is full of deep wisdom about how we actually grow and heal as humans. She talks about the power of acceptance, and how her life began to change when she accepted that challenges were part of being human and she took responsibility for her life and healing.
As we go into a new year, I hope this episode inspires you to take radical responsibility for YOUR dreams and make this year more than you can imagine!
?The real work is within you.? - Scout Sobel
?There is no such thing as a magic pill.? - Michelle Chalfant
?I think one of my biggest breakthroughs came from accepting and not resisting.? - Scout Sobel
?If you?re struggling with anything, I really believe that your healing is behind that resistance.? - Scout Sobel
?You have to walk through discomfort and challenging moments to get what you want in this lifetime.? - Scout Sobel
?Acceptance doesn?t mean you freaking like it.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If you are experiencing fear that is causing you to be paralyzed or remain stagnant in your life, I want you to ask yourself, ?What future has fear already robbed you of??? - Scout Sobel
LINKS & RESOURCES
Scout Sobel Website
Scout Sobel Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/scoutsobel/
Okay Sis (Scout Sobel Podcast)
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/okay-sis/id1434353917
The Emotional Entrepreneur (Scout Sobel Podcast)
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-emotional-entrepreneur-podcast/id1505252696
?The Emotional Entrepreneur? (Scout Sobel Book)
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Entrepreneur-Scout-Sobel/dp/0578951754
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
296: How Self-Validation Will Change Your Life
In my 25 years of practicing as a therapist and holistic life coach, I found that there was one common root cause behind many of the issues my clients were facing: low self-worth. From codependency to difficulty with decisions or boundaries, not having a strong connection with the inner self was often the driving force behind these challenges.
Most of us have a tendency to look outside of ourselves for worth and validation, and building up a strong sense of who we are on the inside takes practice. One of the simplest and most powerful places to start is with self-validation.
Self-validation is when we notice who we are ? our actions, thoughts and feelings ? and we affirm ourselves. It?s not bragging or comparing ourselves to others but rather speaking truth to ourselves and cheering ourselves on?which not only builds up our sense of self-worth but also leads to healthier relationships as we stop looking to others to validate us.
In this episode, I?m sharing more about the power of self-validation and simple steps for how you can begin a practice of doing this every day. It literally takes seconds to do, and over time, it will change your life!
Listen to discover:
What self-validation is and why it?s important The connection between self-validation and self-worth What self-validation looks like in real life Steps to starting a practice of self-validation The difference between self-validation and narcissism or braggingNo one can make us feel or believe something we don?t believe about ourselves. So, if we don?t have a sense of our own self-worth, no amount of validation from others is going to give us what we need. It?s an endless cycle of approval-seeking that never fills us up.
That?s why we have to lay a foundation of self-worth and believe in our own goodness so that when others validate us, we can actually let it land and show up more authentically ? as the true self that we know and love.
?Self-validation starts a domino effect to help heal all of these things because self-validation starts to build self-worth.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Self-validation is when we notice what we?re doing or thinking or feeling and we acknowledge it, we own it and then we give ourselves a pat on the back about it.? - Michelle Chalfant
?If you want healthy relationships, start out by self-validating. It is unhealthy for us to rely on external validation.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Self-validation is the healthy way to feel good about self.? - Michelle Chalfant
?When you add that validation that takes seconds, my internal self gets built up, my self-worth gets built up, my sense of self becomes a little bit more positive.? - Michelle Chalfant
?It?s your job to share with others what you need.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
295: Holiday Special: How to Change Negative Programs and Patterns with Adele Spraggon
When you think about wanting to change or transform, what do you typically think of changing? Most of us think of a behavior or action ? something we are doing. If we?ve been doing our work for a while, we might think of a thought pattern or belief.
But what if everything we do and think is just the tip of the iceberg? What if our actions, behaviors and beliefs are actually the manifestation of deep unconscious patterns in our brains, and if true transformation happens by transforming these patterns?
In this episode, I talk with the incredible Adele Spraggon, a behavioral change and brain expert, about what drives human behavior, why traditional methods of change fail and how we can identify and transform the unconscious patterns that drive our behavior without us even knowing it.
We?re covering so many topics from relationships to money (because the brain affects them all!), and you will learn Adele?s four-step process for working with negative patterns, even those in your subconscious mind.
I LOVED my conversation with Adele ? a true soul sister who speaks The Adult Chair® language ? and I know you will too.
Listen to discover:
Why simply trying to change behavior doesn?t work The real reason why you do what you do The problem with goal setting How to actually transform actions, behaviors and beliefs Steps to changing unconscious brain patterns Surrender vs. acceptance How this can change your relationship with money, your partner, your family, etc.Too often we try to change only the external or we try to simply work against the negative patterns in our brain, and we wonder why our lives don?t change. As you will learn in this episode, the key is that we have to get rid of the old pattern before we can replace it with a new one...and this episode will show you how!
?How we are taught to change behaviors is not effective. What we need to do is deal with our brain?s patterning instead of the actions that we're taking, the beliefs that we?re holding or the behaviors we?re adopting.? - Adele Spraggon
?Between us and our situations, there lives an interpreter, and that interpreter is our brain.? - Adele Spraggon
?We create this roadmap from [age] 0 to 6 that we?re living in as adults.? - Michelle Chalfant
?Mindset originates in the unconscious patterning of the brain.? - Adele Spraggon
?I love triggers because so much is revealed in a trigger.? - Michelle Chalfant
?People don?t procrastinate. We avoid.? - Adele Spraggon
?Everything about who a person is today is the result of every pattern that has brought them here.? - Adele Spraggon
?The biggest gift you can give another person is to allow that person to show up brand new every time you see them.? - Adele Spraggon
LINKS & RESOURCES
Adele Spraggon Website
https://www.adelespraggon.com/
?Shift: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment? (Adele Spraggon Book)
2022 Adult Chair® Membership
2022 Theme: A Year of Conscious Living
??https://courses.theadultchair.com/offers/U6FHGTjV/checkout
P&G Hair Food
Or find on Amazon or Target.com
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
294: Holiday Special: Childhood Emotional Neglect with Dr. Jonice Webb
Do you find yourself feeling unfulfilled and empty, despite seemingly having everything you need to be happy? Do you crave closer relationships but feel like you can?t connect at the deep level you want?
These feelings can often be subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect, which is when our parents or caregivers didn?t tend to or validate our emotions as children. This sets us up for an adult life where we don?t know how to feel our own emotions ? which is essential to experiencing joy, passion and connection!
In this show, I?m chatting with Dr. Jonice Webb, a psychologist and author and a highly requested guest in The Adult Chair® community, about how to spot childhood emotional neglect and how to begin the process of accessing your emotions as an adult. This show is filled with incredible insights into an issue that unknowingly affects so many of us and how to heal from it.
Listen to discover:
What childhood emotional neglect is Why invalidating our feelings leads to shame How childhood emotional neglect affects adult relationships What emotional intimacy is Rebuilding from childhood emotional neglect Steps to start your healing journey
Childhood emotional neglect isn?t necessarily abuse; in fact, it can happen in very loving, well-meaning homes. But anything that disconnects us from our emotions ? our inner navigation system and a key to living in The Adult Chair ? is going to keep us from living the happy, fulfilled life we all dream of. I hope this episode encourages you to look inward and connect with the deepest parts of who you are. That is how you will experience the fullness of life and connection with others!
?We need our feelings to survive and thrive in our adult life.? - Dr. Jonice Webb
?Eventually the child brain just erects a wall so that you don?t have to feel anything, and that wall stays there until you take it down.? - Dr. Jonice Webb
?Men have the equal capacity or ability to feel all emotions because they?re human.? - Michelle Chalfant
?What you have inside is a constellation of how your parents treated your feelings.? - Dr. Jonice Webb
?Emotions are the expression of your deepest self.? - Dr. Jonice Webb
?Emotions are our built-in navigation system, and they guide us.? - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Dr. Jonice Webb Website
?Running on Empty? (Dr. Jonice Webb book)
https://drjonicewebb.com/the-book/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!)
https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/
P&G Hair Food
Or find on Amazon or Target.com
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode
293: Overcoming Trauma and Limiting Beliefs with Michael Unbroken
We all have limiting beliefs that hold us back in life. But what if you?ve experienced significant trauma as well? How do you distinguish between a trauma response and limiting or negative thinking? How do you find the power to heal when things have happened that were out of your control?
My guest today, Michael Unbroken, has an intense and powerful story of overcoming unspeakable trauma, growing up with abuse, addiction and homelessness. At one point, he wanted to end his own life. But he made a decision to live, and in doing so, discovered that the only path forward started within.
In this incredible conversation, Michael shares how he was able to break the cycle of trauma in his life and consciously choose a different path for himself. This is an inspiring and vulnerable conversation that will challenge you to take ownership of your life, treat yourself with grace and kindness and live life fully!
Listen to discover:
Michael?s incredible story of healing from trauma and turning his life around The steps for overcoming limiting beliefs How to get past fear and start living your life How to actually change your life (and why you have to get out of the way first) The power of vulnerability The importance of a mentor
Transforming limiting beliefs starts with taking ownership of the way we think about life, no matter what we?ve been through. What happened to us is not our fault, but it does become our job to take responsibility for it and make a choice to create the healthy, whole life we want to live. We all have the power to do this, and I hope this episode inspires you to find everything that?s possible for you.
?It?s never going to be one thing that changes your life.? - Michael Unbroken
?What you think becomes what you speak. What you speak becomes your actions, and your actions become your reality.? - Michael Unbroken
?If we?re sitting waiting for someone to rescue us, we?re in the seat of the victim.? - Michelle
?We have to create different. We have to create better. If we want a different life, we have to make different choices.? - Michelle Chalfant
?It will change everything about the fabric of your experience of this life when you?re willing to be real.? - Michael Unbroken
LINKS & RESOURCES
Michael Unbroken Website
https://www.thinkunbroken.com/
Michael Unbroken Podcast
https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/
Michael Unbroken Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/michaelunbroken/
Michael Unbroken Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/MichaelUnbroken/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Now Open: Doors Close January 31!)
https://michellechalfant.com/coaching-certification-program/
P&G Hair Food
Or find on Amazon or Target.com
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Link to episode