The Overwhelmed Brain

The negativity that likes to work its way into your mind and body

Are you inadvertently allowing negativity into my mind and body? When someone puts you down or mistreats you, is it possible you are unintentionally enabling this behavior? You shouldn't be blamed for other people's bad behaviors, but you should also not be too tolerant of it either.

2022-10-02
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The beliefs that serve you and the beliefs that don't

We can walk around with beliefs that lead us down the same road every time. When you know for sure what's true, yet you still get terrible results, maybe it's time to question what's true and look for what might be a possible new understanding that changes everything.

2022-09-25
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Punishing yourself for your mistakes

It's bad enough to get punished by someone else when you make a mistake, but to compound the suffering by punishing yourself can make things so much worse. Sure, we can beat ourselves up for our own actions, but when we make a habit of it, our quality of life decreases and it's hard to enjoy the present moment.

2022-09-18
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I promise this time I'll keep my promise

How many times do you hear I'm sorry and I promise I'll never do it again" before you realize nothing is going to change? What if they do change? Can you reunite and start fresh and be good again? Today I talk about apologies, promises, relationships, and so much more.

2022-09-11
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Some people just cannot admit that they are the problem

You've called them out. You've had your arguments. You've tried everything to get someone to take responsibility for their words or actions. But you still can't get through to them. Some people are impossible and there's no hope. Is that true with certain people? Let's explore that.

2022-09-04
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I do so much for them for so little in return

Sometimes no matter what you do for someone, they just don't have the capability to reciprocate. Love and connection can be welcome, but what if it isn't returned? The first segment addresses this challenge between a daughter and a mom. The second segment takes a little turn to share a story of a man dealing with a divorce he didn't expect.

2022-08-28
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When your happy place becomes your misery

It was the perfect marriage. She came home to her warm, comfortable home to be with her best friend - her husband - and everything was great... Until his kids moved in full time. Now she no longer has a quiet, peaceful home and she doesn't know what to do.

2022-08-21
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Not all parents are loving and supportive

If you've tried everything with someone and they are still awful to you, perhaps you're trying too hard. Or maybe they don't care enough to change for you or anyone else. What happens when one or both parents are unloving and unsupportive, and also mean... and a bully... and more. There's a lot to unpack in this episode.

2022-08-14
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What's the point of the day to day just to feel depressed and anxious?

Going about your life shouldn't be a constant stress on your system. Sometimes we let our fears override our values. When that happens, we end up with results we don't want more often than not. I talk about that in today's episode and I also answer a question about how to respond to the emotionally abusive person who may not realize they are being emotionally abusive.

2022-08-07
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Stuffing who you are way down can make you numb

Is there a part of you that you can't necessarily feel fully? Do you think you could be happier than you are? Sometimes we stuff emotions down so far that we forget they're there. When that happens, a part of us can actually shut down or become numb. It's important to restart that part to give ourselves the opportunity to experience the full spectrum of who we are at the deepest level.

2022-07-31
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Giving up happiness because someone holds something over your head

What can you do if someone is holding something over your head and you feel stuck unless you kiss their butt? Is there a solution to this kind of abusive situation? It's a "do what I say or you'll never get what you want" scenario that can crush your soul if you're not careful.

2022-07-24
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Email grab bag 5 - Codependent and stuck - New on the job - Getting a raise - Vague signals while dating

Hundreds of emails, so little time. I tackle three messages. One from a woman stuck in a codependent relationship wanting to know how to find peace. Another from someone trying to connect with people at a new job. Then I talk about steps to take to get a raise. Then finally, the third email from someone getting ambiguous signals while dating. This episode is packed!

2022-07-17
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Some dysfunctional people don't like when you're functional

It should be celebrated when you start honoring yourself and standing up for yourself. It should be seen as a gift you give yourself that leads to happiness. But some people see your empowerment as a threat and aren't ready for you to change. When that happens, you might have to start changing the rules to show others just how worthy of healthy behavior you are.

2022-07-10
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Is it worth the risk to seek a romantic relationship with a good friend?

Sometimes the friendship is so great, you wish you could feel this way all the time. So perhaps the thought of taking the friendship further comes to mind. But are they interested in you? And if they aren't, will the friendship be awkward moving forward? Also, is there a way to tell that perhaps it's a good or bad idea to move forward with a relationship? Whether you're in a relationship or not, this episode has something for everyone.

2022-07-03
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The toxic relationship ended but I can't forgive myself and move on

A toxic relationship is one where at least one person is hurtful to another when there is supposed to be love, kindness, respect, and support. A woman wrote to me and said she was in a toxic relationship for far too long and is now trying to figure out how to forgive herself and move on. That's a great idea. I do my best to help her do that in this episode. We talk about that and more so I hope you get a chance to listen to the whole thing.

2022-06-26
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Putting an end to your own passive aggressive behavior

A listener was told she was passive-aggressive and she didn't realize it. She asked how to identify it in herself and how and why it comes about. I address this great topic in today's episode. I also talk about a very difficult situation where a disabled partner is also an abusive partner and his wife doesn't know what to do about it. It's a packed episode today.

2022-06-19
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Apologizing to the ex? good idea or bad?

If you acted badly toward someone in your past, is it a good idea to reach out and apologize years later? What if they're a past romantic partner you hurt and they've moved on, do you think they'll want to hear from you? I try to answer that question and also talk about judgment in relationships in this packed episode.

2022-06-12
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Do you let the breadcrumbing toxic family member back in your life?

A woman blocks her mom because of her years of toxic behavior. When she unblocks her, the mom reaches out, never mentioning being blocked, and never apologizing or taking responsibility for her hurtful behavior. Is it time to accept someone like that back into your life? What if they send you gifts but no apology? Is it worth taking the risk? I talk about that and more in this packed episode.

2022-06-06
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Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

When you say what you mean, you get a lot more done than most people because you leave little room for interpretation. Is there a way to do this elegantly and effectively so you don't sound like a total jerk? Sometimes when you show up as the person you want to be, some people may not want you to be who you are. I talk about that and apologizing for messing up when things have been going so well.

2022-05-29
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Will you ever be good enough?

When you are mistreated in some way and made to feel less than dirt, do you accept that you are as you are treated or that you are as you choose to be? Don't let other people's perceptions of you define you. Hold yourself to a certain standard and watch everyone else change or leave. It's not easy, of course. But it is very useful.

2022-05-22
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The rut of waiting for someone else to decide before you can move on

If you're waiting for someone to make a decision so that you can figure out which direction to go, you might be waiting a while. Some people are very comfortable in their indecision and don't mind how long they stay in the rut. Sometimes they never decide and that means there's a point where you have to move because they never will. I talk about that and also talk about apologies and forgiveness, which can sometimes go hand in hand with being in a rut.

2022-05-15
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Carrying around the burden of someone else's secret

What do you do when someone you care about tells you a secret that affects other people you care about? Do you follow your heart or your values? Does your moral compass activate and make you express the secret to those who should know? A dilemma like this seems like it has no real good answer.

2022-05-08
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Getting stalked online and there's something about love you should know

I got a letter from someone who is being stalked online by her ex-boyfriend's wife. She has nothing to do with this person, yet she is a target. Is there a way out of this crazy mess? In segment two, I talk about a message I received about making a decision on the relationship after feelings change. This is a packed episode.

2022-05-01
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When you're "on" too much for others but not enough for yourself

When you're always "on," it means you put on your game face in every interaction with others. It's like being in customer service and having to smile at every single customer that walks in the door. Do this all day and you'll probably want to crawl inside your shell when you get home. In today's episode, I talk about what this is like from celebrities to baristas to anyone that feels like they need to be "on" all the time.

2022-04-24
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Pretending to be the person you're not

Pretending is draining. When you're unwell and you show the world you're doing great, you lose energy, dissolve relationships, and turn people off. This episode is about learning what a pretender is to help you avoid sabotaging your own path to happiness.

2022-04-17
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Stopping the head games

When someone plays head games with you, they're not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps they are lying altogether. The problem is, you can't always pinpoint what they're doing, you just know something's not right. What to do... I try to tackle that today.

2022-04-10
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When is it time to wean your parents off of you?

There's a point where you've left the nest and started living your own life. But some parents haven't let you go. Some tell you how to live your life. Some are just toxic and won't leave you alone or stop telling you what to do. And some just don't want to let go of the parenting role because they think you can't handle life. There's a point you have to help them let you go.

2022-04-03
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To compromise, sacrifice, or support no matter what

When it comes to relationships, I think it's best to support the other person as much as possible. The trick is doing so while you disagree with what they're doing. Choosing to instead reject or deny what they want to do for themselves could lead to tension and changes of behavior you may not like. Is it best to sacrifice who you are for them? Or can you reach a compromise? Sometimes even supporting someone you love isn't enough.

2022-03-27
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Balancing your life with only those things and people that matter

Sometimes a friendship takes an unexpected turn. Who you thought was your bestie suddenly leaves you out of an important event in their life or doesn't share things they used to share with you. What's going on in that case? Have they changed? Are they suddenly unhappy with you? I talk about that and also read a message from someone who is looking for the mental fortitude to create forward momentum in his life. Visit for more episodes

2022-03-20
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The pressure that builds when you can't let go of the negative emotions

The pressure that builds inside you when you don't say or do what you really want to say or do has to come out. Holding on to negativity is like keeping your hand on the hot stove and expecting not to get burned. You can express and release the negativity on your terms, or it can surprise you by coming out around people you love later. Visit for more episodes

2022-03-13
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Are you judgmental toward people that bother the heck out of you?

We can be so critical sometimes, especially toward people we love. Is it necessary to continue being judgmental or critical toward people that never change? Is it our job to change them? Judgments really have no place in relationships but when they are there, they almost always lead to disconnect and resentment. Visit for more episodes

2022-03-06
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When you want the greener grass on the other side - the life you want vs the life you have

When the life you have looks a lot less appealing than the life you could have, you may have lots of feelings about it. You may even obsess about it. What can you do about these thoughts? Is it time to give up and give in to a mundane life, or can you reconnect with the way you used to feel? Visit for more episodes

2022-02-27
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Is there such thing as an instant soul mate or is that the first warning sign of a difficult relationship?

When you meet someone and instantly feel love at first sight, like they're your "soulmate" or "the one," it's possible that not only are they not the one, but they may actually be the one person you want to get away from in a few months. There are many caveats to meeting someone you have an instant connection with. I talk about that and more in this episode. For more episodes, visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/podcasts

2022-02-20
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Not everything is your fault

You might take the fall for a lot of things that happen when you probably don't need to. Sometimes, that's a kind thing to do. But when it happens more often than not, especially with certain people, you're probably in a toxic (tox-sick) situation that needs to be resolved. Visit for more episodes

2022-02-13
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Does bad behavior ever deserve a free pass?

Is saying "I didn't mean it," a good excuse for bad behavior? Some people can be out of control due to drugs or alcohol, so they might do stupid things when they don't really mean to do them. However, should you ever allow the stupid or hurtful things that people do slide? Should you ever give a free pass to someone for unintentional bad behavior? Visit for more episodes.

2022-02-06
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The smile of denial that keeps you feeling miserable

If you tend to suppress your thoughts and repress your emotions, and put on a smile to show the world, you might be on your way to depression and anxiety. If that's your goal, don't change a thing! However, if you want to change that trajectory, it might be time to make different choices that empower you. For more episodes visit https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/podcasts

2022-01-30
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Is honoring yourself supposed to destroy relationships?

Honoring yourself doesn't have to be about hurting someone else. It's not about making them feel bad, it's about expressing to them what makes you feel bad and what you will and won't accept for behavior. Problems arise when you choose to become hurtful toward them instead of focusing on your own needs. This can turn emotionally abusive really fast. Sometimes it feels like we have no choice, but there's almost always a choice. You just have to know how to make the right choice so that perhaps the relationship isn't destroyed in the process. Visit for more episodes

2022-01-23
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Are you being mean but don't mean to be?

Arguments are never fun. When you both take a stand to make your points, it can lead to some heated exchanges. You can recover from a heated exchange. But when the argument takes a turn to insulting and belittling words, the chances of recovery and the quality of the relationship decreases. https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

2022-01-16
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Following the path that serves you best even if it feels the worst

Sometimes you have to let things go and take a new road in order to find a sense of peace and comfort inside yourself. The new road may come with a high price that has an even higher reward. Are you going to pay the high price for the reward, or take a longer path that involves a bit more mental labor? They are both challenging but they both lead to an outcome that is worth the journey. https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

2022-01-09
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The pain of loss

The pain of loss shouldn't be stuffed down and avoided, it should be felt at the deepest level, but only when you're ready and only at the pace you can handle. Everyone experiences loss differently so what works for one person may not work for you. In this episode, I help you connect with the deeper layers underneath the loss so that perhaps there can be some small release or relief. This isn't about healing, it's about connecting. And sometimes that's all that's needed to start healing. Visit for more episodes

2022-01-02
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Stuffing emotions way down there

Whenever you deal with an event that upsets you in some way, if you stuff an emotion down and never deal with it then or later, you're going to experience a diminishing of your overall level of happiness and satisfaction in life. Repressed emotions do not disappear until they are dealt with in some way. Physical pain can even develop from unresolved negative emotions and alter your life significantly, so it's always good to address them sooner than later.

2021-12-26
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How you can sabotage your own happiness waiting for others to change

Waiting for someone to change is often a waste of time. They can promise and tell you they're working on it, but are they? Has anything changed in the past day, month, or year? Or do things seem eerily familiar day after day? Sometimes we sabotage our own path to happiness waiting for someone to follow through on a commitment they said they'd do. When they don't however, what's your next step?

2021-12-19
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Questions to ask yourself to get to the deepest layer of repressed emotions

We all know that anger and upset can hide so many emotions that you may not even know what's under there. If you become emotionally triggered and wish you didn't, learning which questions to ask yourself so that you can get to the heart of some deeper, repressed emotions may be the path to feeling better.

2021-12-12
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How complex does something have to get before you decide to quit?

Sometimes life can take you in a direction you don't want to go. But you don't always have to end up with the bottom-of-the-barrel results you may get. It might take some planning and some scary steps, but there is a way to alter the course of your life for the better. If life is a bit too complex, it might be time to correct your course and find another way.

2021-12-05
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Training yourself ahead of time to deal with difficult people

There's always someone that's harder to deal with than most other people in your life. And when you have to deal with them, do you have all the self-empowerment tools at your disposal to get through the interaction unscathed? Whether you do or not, practice makes perfect. This is a jam-packed episode filled with your practice steps to self-empowerment so that difficult situations aren't so difficult.

2021-11-28
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Taking the big leap into self-worth and self-esteem

Sometimes becoming happier in life involves taking huge steps that seem so scary when you're going through them, but come with the reward of increased self-worth and self-esteem. And when you take that leap of faith, a whole lot more good stuff usually comes with it.

2021-11-21
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Are difficult people really doing the best they can?

If you know that a difficult or even toxic person in your life is not doing the best they can to show up in a way that tells you they're at least trying to improve themselves in some way, maybe they are not capable. At least, not at this time. And sometimes we have to see people for who they are today, not who we or they believe they will become tomorrow.

2021-11-14
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Is there an answer to the lying, manipulative child?

Some people will lash out and rebel when they feel like they aren't being heard, or they're holding something back from the past. They swallow anger, sadness, and more, and that can turn into depression or the ultimate expression of bad behavior. Children are experiencing the world for the first time, pushing boundaries, and figuring everything out. The good news is that it is a very exciting time. The bad news is that it can be quite stressful for both the children and the parents.

2021-11-07
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People can change but what about when they don't or wont?

Sometimes we're stuck with someone that doesn't have our best interest in mind. Not only that, they may even have a not-so-pleasant plan to make us miserable. What do you do with the toxic person that doesn't want to, or can't, change? Is there hope when you're in what seems like a no-win situation?

2021-10-31
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What do you do when you're so tired of the world being against you?

It can get tiring trying to do the right thing, be the right person, and say what you're expected to say. On top of that, when you try, it can sometimes feel as if the world has turned against you, and now you're a lone ranger tackling all the challenges on your own. Can you catch a break from this? Is there a way you can show up where the world doesn't send you so many challenges? It's a great topic to explore. more episodes at

2021-10-24
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