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The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee

This is the official, authoritative, inspired podcast of the Babylon Bee. Join editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and writer/creative director Ethan Nicolle for a look at weekly highlights, discussing the spiciest topics of the times, the stories behind the stories, and a behind-the-scenes look at the inner workings of America's most trusted source for Christian news satire.

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Episodes

Ginormous Food, Gigantic Cancellation: The Josh Denny Interview

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to stand up comedian, Josh Denny. Josh was the host of Ginormous Food on Food Network until he was cancelled back in 2018 for a tweet. You can support his podcast and comedy on Locals.com  by searching Josh Denny. Kyle and Ethan talk to him about how he became a food show host, why McDonalds is worth fighting for, and the future of stand up comedy.

Topics Discussed 

Making a food network show

Fault of most competition shows 

Two reasons that will make Josh walk out on a restaurant filming

Getting emails of doppelgangers

Creating the wardrobe for your food show

Project Greenlight

McDonald's

Jim Gaffigan?s stances 

Comedians talking against Trump

George Bush 

Multi racial whiteness

The absurdity of politics

Ridicule over arguing 

Winning on absurdity instead of intellectualism

Being cancelled in 2018

Silver lining of covid 

Choosing where to spend your money

The reality of being a comedian

Subscriber Portion

Defending the tweet that cancelled

Masked Singer

Judging people by the color of your skin

Being openly Pro-life

Being educated on your rights

Problem of censoring bad ideas 

Josh?s way of making comedy

Racial separation 

Creating bits beyond the first idea 

Jeselnik Offensive 

Time machine 

Putting guard rails on comedy

Being relatable vs boring

The Pixar movie Up

Giving people a new perspective 

Bombing story

Why you need to bomb

Auditions 

Self tapes

2021-03-02
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Russian Slap Fighting Devotionals and Biblical Archaeology

Kyle and Ethan from The Babylon Bee Podcast are joined by Kristin Oren who has served as a tireless writer, headline generator, and copy editor for The Babylon Bee. They talk about new Disney Plus show content warnings you should know about, read weird news and hate mail, and meditate upon the spiritual lessons to be gleaned from competitive Russian slap fighting. Kyle and Ethan also talk to Amanda Hope Haley about her new book, The Red-Haired Archaeologist Digs Israel, and how archaeology can help us better understand Bible times.

Introduction

Weird News

Baby monitor catches boy's funny exchange with Alexa when he was unable to sleep

Panasonic's Nicobo is a pricey robot cat that farts whenever it feels like it

Man Builds amazing bird village during pandemic

Philadelphia airport employs robot for contact-free food delivery

California woman's new ID has photo of her wearing a mask

?Hot mom? claims Sacramento Catholic school expelled her children because of her online photos

Puppy born in Oklahoma believed to be the first to survive with six legs

Idaho woman dresses husband in 35 T-shirts for Guinness record

Disney Plus Shows That Are Getting Warnings

YouTube Devotional - Finding Biblical Inspiration In? SLAP FIGHTS

Topic of the Week: Digging Around Israel

Amanda Hope Haley talks about her new book, The Red-Haired Archaeologist Digs Israel, and how archaeology can help us better understand Bible times.

Hate Mail

Subscriber Portion

Subscriber Update

 Mailbag 

Bonus Hate Mail

Steve gives us his address and hopes we die in a camp.

Subscriber Headlines of the Week

Kristin answers the ten questions

2021-02-26
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Fighting The Left As A Libertarian: Jeff Deist Interview

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Dan talk to Jeff Deist. They talk about economics, Covid, and Disneyland security. Jeff is the president of the Mises Institute, where he serves as a writer, public speaker, and advocate for property, markets, and civil society. He is the host of The Human Action Podcast. He previously worked as a longtime advisor and chief of staff to former Congressman Dr. Ron Paul

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

State of society 

Mises Institute

Economics for the younger generation 

How economics is all encompassing

Austrian economics

Economics being a social science 

Finding ways to implement Libertarianism into society

Federal Reserve

Ron DeSantis

Baby boomers

Unseen consequences of economic policies

Riots

Disneyland security

Subscriber Portion 

Civilization 

Ownership 

Jeff?s religious origins

Inside stories of Ron Paul

Great reset

What Trump?s victory meant

10 questions 

2021-02-23
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The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 8: Fog on the Barrow-Downs

Kyle and Dan from The Babylon Bee are joined by Jonathan Watson of TheOneRing.Com as they catch up with Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin as they make it to the barrow-downs and immediately run into trouble. There?s some ghosties, ancient evil stirring, and newfound courage found in a dark place.

The subscriber portion is where all the best content is, so head over to BabylonBee.Com/Plans and sign up to enjoy full-length podcasts!

Chapter summary: The hobbits leave Tom Bombadil?s house, Frodo almost turns around sad he didn?t get to say goodbye, but Goldberry beckons to them from up ahead and sees them off properly. They lunch and accidentally fall asleep in a wide hollow circular area near a shapeless stone- that seemed to be a landmark or warning in its midst. Sinister fog rolls over them, feeling like a trap, and when the hobbits try to make their way out and into the fog they somehow get separated and captured by barrow-wights. Frodo stabs a hand and calls Tom Bombadil with a song. Tom rescues the hobbits and gives them all daggers which are swords for their size, and has his pony fetch their ponies, and then escorts them to the great east road where they just about make it to Bree.

Some questions or themes:

A line that gets adapted into the movie and put into Gandalf?s mouth in Return of the King: ?either in dreams or out of them, he could not tell which, Frodo heard sweet singing running in his mind: ? a song that seemed to come like a pale light behind a grey rain-curtain, and growing stronger to turn the veil all to glass and silver, until at last it was rolled back, and a far green country opened before him under a swift sunrise. The vision melted into waking; and there was Tom whistling like a tree-full of birds; and the sun was already slanting down the hill and through the open window. Outside everything was green and pale gold.?

Tolkien continues to sprinkle the history of the area throughout this chapter.

?Tom said that it (the dike they thought was the road from a distance) had once been the boundary of a kingdom, but a very long time ago. He seemed to remember something sad about it, and would not say much.?

The Men of Westernesse made their knives.. The brooch Tom finds for Goldberry has a history. The Dark Lord.. ?overcome by evil king of Carn Dum in Land of Angmar.?

?Few now remember them,? Tom murmured, ?yet still some go wandering, sons of forgotten kings walking in loneliness, guarding from evil things folk that are heedless.? The hobbits did not understand his words, but as he spoke they had a vision as it were of a great expanse of years behind them, like a vast shadowy plain over which there strode shapes of Men, tall and grim with bright swords, and last came one with a star on his brow.

But even as he spoke he turned his glance eastwards, and he saw that on that side the hills were higher and looked down upon them; and all those hills were crowned with green mounds, and on some were standing stones, pointing upwards like jagged teeth out of green gums.

Tom is Master of his domain. He sings the barrow wights away. He removes any curse from the items in the barrow to make them free to all finders. He calls the ponies back.

Frodo finds an awakened courage to not leave his friends so easily in the barrow and takes action.

?There is a seed of courage hidden (often deeply, it is true) in the heart of the fattest and most timid hobbit, waiting for some final and desperate danger to make it grow. Frodo was neither very fat nor very timid; indeed, though he did not know it, Bilbo (and Gandalf) had thought him the best hobbit in the Shire. He thought he had come to the end of his adventure, and a terrible end, but the thought hardened him.?

The hobbits run around naked on Tom?s orders.

The power in naming and the evil of namelessness.

MAILBAG

Laura Hollingsworth caught our attention on Not The Bee Social by making incredible LOTR artwork. Buy her stuff here.

Fog On Barrow-Downs specific Comments/Questions

General Mailbag

2021-02-20
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?LOL, JK? and Prospects for Conservative Movies

Kyle and Ethan, from The Babylon Bee, are joined by Wes Halula, a writer and producer on Church People, to talk about the prospects of conservative and Christian films and also how the Babylon Bee gets away with spreading disinformation by putting ?LOL, JK? at the end of every article according to Wikipedia editors. The guys also discuss the sad news of contemporary Christian music pioneer Carman and radio giant Rush Limbaugh passing away. There?s weird news, stuff that?s good, and glorious hate mail!

Introduction

Kyle, Ethan, and Wes talk about losing Carman and Rush this week.

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes Jon Foreman?s Departures.

Ethan likes Wes?s movie Church People.

Weird News

California man's wallet lost in Antarctica returned after 53 years

Rapper Len Martin Starts Gorilla Glue Challenge after thinking Tessica Brown?s story about being unable to get Gorilla Glue out of her hair was a hoax, Immediately gets red solo cup stuck to his face

 

 

Mysterious Trail of Four-Toed Footprints Discovered Atop Frosty Car in England

Musician Turns Late Uncle's Skeleton into Working Guitar

Ted Cruz is rocking a mullet now

It?s freezing cold in Texas, The Weather Channel tweeted on January 21 that February would be unseasonably WARM 

'I Was Gonna Be A Mashed Potato': Florida Boy Recounts Garbage Truck Horror

Actor Sean Penn suggests the pope should "impeach" evangelical Christian leaders

20-foot-2-inch bear made from roses breaks Guinness record

The guys from the Babylon Bee talk about the conversations by people editing our Wikipedia page about whether what we do can be legally considered ?satire? or how we get away with spreading harmful disinformation by writing ?lol jk? at the end of all our stories.

Topic of the Week

What are the prospects for independent conservative media? Is there a shift? Can Hollywood lose its grip on entertainment?

Hate Mail

Denise is saddened to see us post mistruths and have a misleading agenda.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle, Ethan, and Wes react to Carman?s Satan Bite The Dust and Addicted To Jesus.

Subscriber Update

Mailbag 

Tim sends us an audio message from across the ocean wondering where Dave DeAndrea has been. 

Bonus Hate Mail

Terry thinks we are backing AOC and her lies!

Subscriber Headlines of the Week

Wes answers The Ten Questions!

2021-02-19
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Finding Purpose Without Wokeness: Spencer Klavan Interview

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Spencer Klavan. They talk about the current woke culture, essence of talent, and living as a gay Christian. Spencer Klavan is an Associate Editor @ClaremontInst/@Theammind and Host @YngHereticsShow (http://YoungHeretics.com). Spencer received his Doctorate in Greek and Roman literature, eventually writing the book Music in Ancient Greece: Melody, Rhythm, and Life based on his research. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed 

Essence of Christmas movies

Pandemic beards 

Spencer in the musical Grease

Singing in choir 

Aristotle and free will

10,000 hour rule

Alignment towards a purpose

Isiah calling out to the angels

Taking Homer?s, The Odyssey out of schools 

Discovering Veggie Tales

Young Heretics Podcast 

#DISRUPTTEXTS

Hypocrisy towards the evil of history

How to read an epic 

C.S. Lewis being the biggest 20th century intellectual 

The Abolition of Man

Shadowboxing with Freud and psychoanalysis

Same sex attraction 

Subscriber Portion 

Getting ripped with Spencer

What is the gay agenda?

Transgender issues

Gay Christian controversy

The Ten Questions

2021-02-16
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The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 7:Tom Bombadil Is Awesome

Kyle and Dan, from The Babylon Bee, along with Jonathan Watson, from TheOneRing.Com where you can join a growing fellowship of Tolkien fans, get to one of their favorite chapters of The Lord of the Rings: In The House Of Tom Bombadil! Who the heck is this weird guy dancing and singing in the old forest? What did Tolkien say about who Tom is and what does he have to teach us? How is this detour in the old forest to Tom?s house essential to the story? Tom Bombadil is awesome and by the end of this episode, we think you?ll agree.

Chapter 7 summary: The hobbits enter the house and seem to be enchanted by Goldberry. Frodo even bursts into song when he sees her. Frodo asks her who Tom Bombadil really is and she tells him that Tom is simply Tom: the master of wood, water and hill. He has no desire to own anything and he has no fear. Frodo asks Tom if he had heard their cry for help or if he had just happened to come by at the right time. Tom said that he had been expecting them. They eat and go to bed. The Hobbits all have nightmares, except Sam. Frodo dreams of man on a tower taken away by a large eagle and then black riders, Pippin is back in the willow tree, and Merry thinks he is about to be drowned.The next day it rains, so Tom begins to tell them stories. He tells them about the old forest and the trees like Old Man Willow. He warns them about the barrow downs and the spirits. The Hobbits lose track of time. Frodo once again tries to find out who Tom Bombadil is by asking him directly. Tom asks Frodo to show him the Ring. He is completely unconcerned about the ring or Sauron. He teaches them a rhyme to call him for help and tells them they must leave the next day.

Topics Discussed

Who the heck is Tom?

"Tom was a paradoxical creature, one moment defeating ancient forces with hardly an effort, the next capering and singing nonsensical songs." 

"Eldest, that's what I am... Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn... He knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless - before the Dark Lord came from Outside."

?He is Master of wood, water, and hill.? But he doesn?t own it! ?That would be a burden,? says Goldberry. He also ?just is as you have seen him? and is ?not afraid.?

Tom always seems preoccupied about his own business and seems to forget the needs of his guests. ?Tom, Tom! your guests are tired, and you had near forgotten!

Who the heck is Goldberry? She is full of joy and laughter and is described as ?enthroned.?

The paradox of Bombadil in that he is good but is not concerned with the shadow vs the Hobbits "you cannnot shut the world out forever"

Kyle?s tweet thread about his favorite passage in Lord of the Rings: (though he reserves his right to say that a lot over the course of this show)

Dan thinks it is odd that Tom just happens to have a feast set, four mattresses, four pairs of hobbit slippers, vessels of cold and hot water just waiting for the hobbits in the guest room. Tom says he was waiting for them. 

?Farmer Maggot, whom he seemed to regard as a person of more importance than they had imagined. ?There?s earth under his old feet, and clay on his fingers; wisdom in his bones, and both his eyes are open,? said Tom. It was also clear that Tom had dealings with the Elves, and it seemed that in some fashion, news had reached him from Gildor concerning the flight of Frodo.?

Our zeitgeist and its need for big, epic heroes, and its intolerance of quirkiness and things that are uncool.

Whether the morning and evening of one day or of many days had passed Frodo could not tell. He did not feel either hungry or tired, only filled with wonder.

?Who are you, Master?? he asked. ?Eh, what?? said Tom sitting up, and his eyes glinting in the gloom. ?Don?t you know my name yet? That?s the only answer. Tell me, who are you, alone, yourself and nameless? But you are young and I am old. Eldest, that?s what I am. Mark my words, my friends: Tom was here before the river and the trees; Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn. He made paths before the Big People, and saw the little People arriving. He was here before the Kings and the graves and the Barrow-wights. When the Elves passed westward, Tom was here already, before the seas were bent. He knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless ? before the Dark Lord came from Outside.?

Tom holds up the superweapon of Sauron and laughs at it like it?s child?s play. And can even make it disappear??? Tom can see invisible Frodo?

Some stuff from Silmarillion is mentioned like Valar and Maiar and hopefully the slides on the video help. Tom doesn?t fit any established category in Middle-Earth.

Is Tom Bombadil right to be unconcerned with fighting evil?

Subscriber Portion

We ?solve? who Tom really is (become a subscriber)
Tolkien?s own words about Tom Bombadil

Subscriber Questions, fan theories, and tattoo suggestions for Kyle

The Hobbits? dreams in the house of Tom Bombadil

2021-02-14
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Valentine?s Day With The Queen Bees

The Queen Bees, Destiny, Jess, and Chandra, join their blockheaded husbands, Kyle, Ethan, and Dan, for a great Valentine?s Party on The Babylon Bee Podcast. They talk about their spouse?s annoying habits, tough guys from San Bernardino getting stabbed, and Kyle?s thing for feet. In the subscriber portion, they answer questions taken from subscribers and the ladies are subjected to the world-famous Ten Questions!

 

Chandra is a different color than Dan

The horrors of parenting

Some of the scariest moments of having children

Why a kid will need a rhino leash

Relationship Questions

Spouse?s Annoying Habits

Cultivating desire or repulsion

Kyle?s Thing For Feet

Fighting is a good thing

Don?t leave your meat trash in the sink

Tough Guys From San Bernardino 

Patrick is single, ladies

Subscriber-submitted questions

Wives Answer The Ten Questions

 

2021-02-13
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Christian Comic, Secret Conservative: Kerri Pomarolli Interview

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Kerri Pomarolli, comedian, actress, author of 6 books, and ?out-of-the-closet Christian in Hollywood.? Kerri has worked with Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, performing in numerous sketches. She has hosted the Gospel Music Awards and has a Dry Bar Comedy special coming up. Her book Confessions Of A Proverbs 32 Woman has been featured on The Babylon Bee. Topics include Mormon heaven, comedy in the Trump era, and keeping her ex-husband in her garage. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed

Mormons and heaven 

Jim Bakker story

Earthquake kits

Asian babies 

Ancestry 

Being outside of the Liberal bubble

Confessions about Proverbs 32

Essential oils

Married people 

Value of ex-husbands

Homeschooling  

Healing through prayer

Honor students

Organizing moms on Facebook

Being asked out by a 22 year old dentist

80s entertainment 

Henry Winkler

TikTok

Parler

Instagram

Linkedin 

Cobra Kai 

Trump voting

Mike Lindell having secret information

Soap opera acting

Working with Jay Leno 

Being openly conservative in Hollywood

Having to say no to films 

Wikifeet

Touring with your ex-husband

Divorce

Subscriber Portion 

Roaming the isles of Homegoods

Steven Wright

High energy Kyle

Jonas Brothers

Casting Crowns 

Amy Grant 

Meeting Kirk Cameron 

Dukes of Hazzard 

Kathy Lee Gifford 

Sean Astin

Hosting red carpets

Behind the scenes of  The Tonight Show 

Jim Carrey 

Losing the edge in comedy

Eminem 

Mormonism 

EHarmony

Future of stand up comedy

Censorship 

Subtle racism of entertainment 

Hallmark movies 

Smiling under a mask 

10 questions 

2021-02-09
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The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 6: A Conspiracy and an Old Forest

Kyle, Dan, and Jonathan Watson, of TheOneRing.Com, guide you to Crickhollow, where Samwise Gamgee?s conspiracy is unmasked, and then on to a spooky ancient forest that tries to kill the hobbits. Then, as Kyle puts it, a ?cracked out hobo? comes to rescue them. It?s two chapters this week on The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord of the Rings!

Chapter summaries: Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry make it to the tucked away house in Crickhollow and also meet Fatty who with Merry has been getting the house ready. The three travellers all bathe together and sing (in separate tubs), eat food, and Frodo finds out that his friends have known all along about the conspiracy to get the ring out of the Shire. Their plan is to sneak out through a small gate in the hedge that separates Buckland from the Old Forest. We learn that the Forest is very much alive and at enmity with the ?colonizers? of Buckland. The four hobbits going through the Old Forest quickly find the forest against them! Old Man Willow causes the hobbits to fall asleep, traps Merry and Pippin within its cracks, and almost drowns Frodo.  A cracked out hobo in the woods comes to their rescue!

Some questions or themes:

The fellowship seems to be borne in Chapter 5. Merry and Pippin refuse to let Frodo rush off into danger without them coming too.

The stouthearted loyalty of the hobbits in their friendship

The Forest being alive and at enmity and able to react to the trespassers

Intro to Tom Bombadil

MAILBAG

2021-02-06
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Using The Internet To Make a Christian Movie And Bears Like Techno

Kyle and Ethan from The Babylon Bee talk about bears crashing a techno jam, spinach is now sending e-mails,  and how to generate a Christian movie using the internet. There?s weird news, stuff that?s good, and glorious hate mail.

Introduction

Welcome to the newly revamped Bee Weekly. But first, A clarification on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez article.

Subscriber Dare

Weird News

A mob of left-wing radicals armed with hatchets and knives took over a Washington hotel on Sunday -- wait, the corporate media didn't tell you??-in-wa-on-sunday-the-media-told-you-all-about-it-right

Bear interrupts DJ?s online techno jam

Hitler?s toilet seat is going up for auction

This tech company returned to their office after lockdown to discover the building was now under the control of 20,000 bees!

Elon Musk's Brain Company Hopes To Make a Cyborg Monkey Play 'Mind Pong'

Texas accidentally issues Amber Alert for cursed doll Chucky

Scientists Have Taught Spinach To Send Emails

STUFF THAT?S GOOD

Ethan has stuff that?s good: Inferno City Firehouse

Topic of The Week

Can the internet make a better Christian movie than what is already out there? We generated a Christian movie using the internet.

Hate Mail

Lynn says that The Babylon Bee is the laughing stock of all the Republicans in her great area.

Subscriber Portion

Can the internet make a better Christian romance film?

Mailbag

Rush liked our interview with James White and is praying for Ethan.

Subscriber Headlines of the Week

Got Any Cool Stories?

2021-02-05
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Bear Attacks Destroyed This Libertarian Utopia | Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling Interview

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling, author of A Libertarian Walks Into A Bear, a book about what happened when libertarians took over a small town in New Hampshire with the one goal of dismantling its government and then the bears arrived. Matthew is an award-winning author, longform writer and investigative international journalist based in New England and his work has been featured in the Associated Press and USA Today.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Topics Discussed 

The small world of bear authors

Axe Cop

Libertarian Utopia 

Problems with Libertarian utopia

Bears arrive

Burying the lead

People that would move to a Libertarian utopia

The Libertarian pastor

New England?s history with bears

Bear vs llama

Subscriber Portion 

History of utopia?s

Fordlandia

Epcot

Matthew?s diverse and oddball career before journalism

Small town journalism

Ethan story

Why we need small town journalism

Vampires in New England

10 questions

11th question about reaching out to the other side

2021-02-02
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The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 5: A Short Cut To Mushrooms

Frodo, Sam, and Pippin continue trekking through the Shire in this week?s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings with Kyle and Dan joined by Jonathan Watson from The One Ring, an online fellowship as well as a place for cool Middle-Earth maps and articles. We discover Farmer Maggot, some black riders, and the shortcut to mushrooms. 

Note: We had to salvage the audio on this episode after running into several separate production issues, but the discussion is good and we hope you still enjoy it.

Chapter summary: Frodo, Sam, and Pippin make for Bucklebury after spending the night at a wooden hall where they were hosted by the elves led by Gildor Inglorion. Frodo worries about taking his friends into danger or exile. Sam states his loyalty to Frodo no matter what. Frodo and Pippin banter. They decide to stay just off the road so they won?t be spotted on the road by Black Riders and cut straight across the country to Bucklebury Ferry bypassing Stock, crossing the Stock-brook and missing the Golden Perch?s fine beer. Sam spots a rider behind them at the top of the green bank from where they climbed down right when they start debating going back because of difficult terrain. They hear the Nazgul cries and cut across open ground until they come to more orderly lands and ultimately Farmer Maggot?s lands. Frodo is distressed because he was a mushroom thief and terrified of the farmer?s dogs. The farmer was just getting his dogs out due to a black rider being suspicious on his lands. He brings them in and feeds them and gives them good ale on tap and gets them to Bucklebury Ferry.

The banter between Frodo and Pippin.

Pippin didn?t want to leave Frodo any breakfast but Sam insisted.

?I don?t want to answer a sting of questions while I am eating. I want to think!? ?Good heavens! At Breakfast??

?Short cuts make long delays? ?All right!? I will follow you into every bog and ditch! But it is hard! I had counted on passing the Golden Perch at Stock before sundown! The best beer in the Eastfarthing??  ?That settles it!? said Frodo. ?Short cuts make delays, but inns make longer ones.?

The stout loyalty of Sam

?If you don?t come back, sir, then I shan?t, that?s certain,? said Sam. ?Don?t you leave him! they said to me. Leave him! I said. I never mean to. I am going with him, if he climbs to the Moon; and if any of those Black Riders try to stop him, they?ll have Sam Gamgee to reckon with, I said. They laughed.? ? way. I know we are going to take a very long road, into darkness; but I know I can?t turn back. It isn?t to see Elves now, nor dragons, nor mountains, that I want ? I don?t rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end, and it lies ahead, not in the Shire. I must see it through, sir, if you understand me.?

Special Elf Drink

?When they came to make their meal, they found that the Elves had filled their bottles with a clear drink, pale golden in colour: it had the scent of a honey made of many flowers, and was wonderfully refreshing. Very soon they were laughing, and snapping their fingers at rain, and at Black Riders. The last few miles, they felt, would soon be behind them.?

They start singing louder and louder and the evil and lonely sounding black riders begin to cry to one another. CREEPY

Farmer Maggot

A Black Rider had been asking the Farmer about Baggins right before they showed up. Gives advice to stay in Buckland, not get mixed up with those weird Hobbiton folk like Bilbo and says if the Black Rider comes back, he?ll deal with him! They get supper, ale, and a dark ride to the ferry and a basket of mushrooms.
MAILBAG

Lynn asks us to set aside our Jacksonian lenses.

From David on expected and unexpected parties.

From Sarah on finding rest for this crazy world in Tolkien.

For Kyles fixation on Tolkien tattoos, a message from RDeis23.

From Real Lawyer, Not Rules Lawyer on the cool-as-a-cucumber Gandalf.

2hokies has an audiobook recommendation.

2021-01-31
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Prophecies Fulfilled, GameStop Stonks, Impeaching A Former President | Babylon Bee Weekly

Kyle and Ethan from The Babylon Bee talk about Gavin Newsom lifting lockdowns, GameStop stonks, and the impeachment of a former president. They also throw down in an epic rap battle and tell you how you can have a zoo name a roach after your ex. 

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan have a rap battle so you will throw money at them.

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes his trusty Leatherman Rebar.

Ethan likes his new collection of G.K. Chesterton poems signed by the man himself.

Weird News

Zoo offers to name roaches, rats after patrons' ex-lovers

GoPro camera recovered after six years underwater in Hawaii

Skier chased by a bear at Romanian resort

Inventor unveils airbag jeans to protect motorcyclists in crashes

Oklahoma bill would establish a Bigfoot hunting season

Toronto woman finds knife-wielding squirrel in the back yard

Man catches 54 pieces of popcorn in his mouth in one minute

Stories of the Week

Story 1 'You Can Reopen Now!' Governor Newsom Shouts At Row Of Abandoned, Dilapidated Buildings

Story 2 GameStop Announces That Due To Skyrocketing Stock, They Can Now Afford To Pay Up To 25 Cents For Your Used Games

Story 3 Congress To Retroactively Impeach All Previous Republican Presidents

Topic of the Week

https://babylonbee.com/news/another-10-fulfilled-prophecies-from-the-babylon-bee

Hate Mail

Richard takes issue with us assuming the fate of the eternal soul of Jeffrey Epstein or making light of hell.

Subscriber Portion

Subscriber Update

Mailbag

A LOVE MAIL from Joseph R. and asking for advice on marriage & purity, and also to dispute Kyle and Dan?s ranking of LOTR films.

Bonus Hate Mail

Kwame thinks our AOC coverage is bad and we should feel bad.

Subscriber Headlines of the Week

Got Any Cool Stories?

We get an unbelievable update about one of Calvins- you already know which one.

2021-01-29
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Apologetics, Debating Atheists, and Church History | Dr. James White Interview

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to James White, best known for debating Atheists, Catholics, and Muslims. He is the host of The Dividing Line Webcast, and Director of Alpha and Omega Ministries. He is the author of more than twenty books and an accomplished debater on subjects ranging from the King James Only controversy, Roman Catholicism, Islam, Calvinism and Mormonism.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed

Apologetics ministry

Jeffery Durbin 

Keeping church open during Covid

Abigail Shrier 

America is heading toward Leftism

Muslim debates

Preaching from Luther?s pulpit 

Learning from the past

Islam belief systems 

Start of the King James only controversy

 Greatest gifts to young people before college

Gale Riplringner cultism

James? White favorite Bible translation

Sweater Vest Dialogues

James White 2nd best selling book

Grief after death

Calvinism and the problem of Evil

Defining Arminianism and Free Will 

Subscriber Portion 

Hanging out with Skillet

Worse debate stories

Atheists trying to own James White

Disasters of debate

Memes of James White

Western culture doesn't understand debates

Youtube debates

G.K. Chesterton eternal destiny

Roman Catholic question

Beetle Dung hills

Why most protestants would agree with Catholics

10 questions 

Good fight story

2021-01-26
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The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 4: Three?s Company

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it?s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan are joined by Jonathan Watson, creator alongside his two friends of TheOneRing.Com, which can also be followed on Facebook. Kyle, Dan, and Jon continue their fellowship in reading through The Fellowship of the Ring, this time in Chapter 3 Three?s Company, where three hobbits encounter black riders and elves in their very own Shire.  

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

The story so far: The Shadow of the past summary- Gandalf has told Frodo all about The Ring and that he is no longer safe in the Shire. Samwise is recruited to accompany Frodo.

In this chapter:

Frodo has to slip out of the Shire unnoticed so he hatches a plan of pretending to move to a new house in Crickhollow beyond/near Buckland where his Brandybuck side lives while the plan is really to make for Rivendell.

Plans to leave on his 50th birthday

Life lesson: ?What is to be my quest? Bilbo went to find a treasure, there and back again; but I go to lose one, and not return, as far as I can see.? ?But you cannot see very far,? said Gandalf.

Something spooks Gandalf who leaves suddenly to try to get news/ he tells Frodo to not use the ring! He promises to be back in time for the birthday party and to set off with Frodo (this does not happen- dang wizards).

Frodo?s wine is not included in the sale of Bag End to the dreaded S.-B.s. and does not offer her any tea when Lobelia comes with an inventory list.

Frodo leaves for a leisurely night hike to set out with Sam and Pippin and hears unpleasant voice asking about him at the Gamgees. They get their packs and Sam says farewell to the beer barrel in the cellar.

Sam?s character: ?I am sure you have given me all the heaviest stuff,? said Frodo. ?I pity snails, and all that carry their homes on their backs.? ?I could take a lot more yet, sir. My packet is quite light,? said Sam stoutly and untruthfully.

They walk, encamp, banter, eat, walk, eat, walk on a southern side road running through hill country eastward when they hear hooves coming up behind them. Frodo wants them to hide and ?curiosity or some other feeling was struggling with his desire to hide.? The rider seems to have an invisible nose and is using it to smell for someone. They begin traveling alongside the road a stone?s throw to avoid detection.

They encounter a rider again and then run into the elves who take them to a wood hall. Gildor!

The Black riders are scared of the elves. 

The hobbits see the distinction between the Black Riders and the Elves. 

What is the significance of the songs they sing in this chapter?

Gildor offers protection for the hobbits and is impressed with Frodo, naming him ?Elf Friend.? Gildor tells Frodo and the hobbits to carry on without Gandalf and to avoid the black riders. 

Gildor tells the hobbits that he?ll send word to any other allies about his journey, although Frodo will discover that the elves are increasingly leaving Middle Earth. 

The Babylon Bee Reads LOTR Inn & Pub

MAILBO BAGGINS

We receive powerful testimony the brings up question about what money is used in the Shire

On Fairy Stories and Eucatastrophe.

The Will of the Ring.

2021-01-23
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Not My President And Skynet Can Do Whatever It Wants

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like Skynet being a private company so their Terminator robots can do whatever they want to you, Democratic states are suddenly following the science on lockdowns, and how the right is learning from the left?s past four years on how to cope when they feel like the president is not their president. There?s weird news, glorious hate mail, and Kyle can?t say the word ?dang.?

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

 

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

 

Introduction

Kyle can?t say ?dang.?

Stuff That?s Good 

Kyle likes C.S. Lewis? Abolition of Man 

Ethan likes Run, Hide, Fight from The Daily Wire
Run Hide Fight Trailer

Dallas Sonnier Interview with Ben Shapiro 

Weird News 

New wristband the 'Moodbeam'  tells your boss if you are unhappy

Joe Exotic had a limo parked outside his prison, along with hair, makeup, and wardrobe people on standby, in case Trump pardoned him which never happened.

Link

A California man was arrested Saturday and accused of hiding in a restricted area of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for three months. 

Stefan Thomas, of San Francisco, says he has made peace with forgetting his Bitcoin password that would turn him into a multimillionaire. 

Thomas, who recently was featured in The New York Times, has about $220 million worth of Bitcoin locked away on a hard drive that will erase its data after 10 password attempts.

A New Guinness World Record!

Musician plays box drum for over 25 hours for new Guinness record

Amazon removes ?distasteful? coronavirus masks from sale. 

Stories of the Week 

 

Story 1: ?Skynet Is A Private Company, They Can Do What They Want,? Says Man Getting Curb-Stomped By Terminator

Summary: Local man Karl Langler argued that Skynet is a private company and can do what they want as a Terminator T-800 curb-stomped him and then vaporized him with a plasma rifle. ?Listen, I hear people actually complaining that this is somehow a human rights violation. But only the government can violate your first amendment rights. Skynet is the creation of Cyberdyne systems and is a private company. They have the freedom to do whatever they want with their own platform.?

Story 2: Democrat States Follow The Science By Doing What Florida Did Back In May

Summary: Democrat-run states are now calling on the nation to follow the science by doing what Florida did back in May: don?t do lockdowns.

Story 3: Republican Starting To Think Trump Might Not Pull Off A Last-Minute 4D Chess Move

Summary: Local Republican man Edward Chasney admitted Wednesday that he?s starting to worry Trump might not actually pull off a last-minute 4D chess move to win the election.

Topic of the Week: How to cope with life under a president you find hard to accept

 

Put on a neon vest and shriek at the sky

 

Accuse him of colluding with a foreign adversary with no evidence while sleeping with a Chinese spy

Impeach him at least 3 times, even on the final week of his presidency - why not go for four

Riot in every major city, set fires, and loot for weeks on end for like 6 months  - but whatever you do DO NOT riot at the capitol

Make every Late Night joke some variation of  ?your president bad? 

Have all comedians stop doing comedy and instead spend every waking minute tweeting at the president with some sort of expletive-laden Braveheart speech

Immediately assume half the country is secretly Nazis

When dining out, scream at all the other diners that we now live under a dictator between bites

Take 12 months worth of hormonal birth control at once and scream into your camera

Get a permanent face mask with stay 6 feet away printed on it

Keep all of your friends and family that agree with you close enough to hear the echo in the room

Make sure to do a deep dive into every actor and musician?s Twitter history to make sure they align perfectly with your views. If not, cancel them.

Don?t forget to embrace diversity as long as everyone still sees things exactly as you do

Keep the news on 24 hours a day and never leave the house. Always be on Twitter and your phone. Make sure you know everything the president is doing at all times. 

 Weep uncontrollably until 2024

 

 

Hate Mail

Judith seems to think we are racist and don?t understand the Calvinism/Arminianism debate, and doesn?t appreciate the Biden color chart for covid relief calculations.

Subscriber Portion

Behind the Scenes Update

Bonus Hate Mail

Updates to the podcast

Headline Forum Highlights

Got any cool stories

2021-01-22
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Dustin Nickerson Interview: Former Youth Pastor/Current Stand Up Comic

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to comedian Dustin Nickerson who hails from Seattle, but suffers in Southern California. Dustin was married at 19 and 15 years later has 3 kids, so he has plenty of insight on parenting, marriage, and being generally annoyed by people. Dustin has a new special on Amazon called OVERWHELMED. Topics covered are Dustin?s start in stand up, new lockdowns, and working as a youth pastor. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Topic Discussed

Starting a stand up comedy career

Favorite Bee article

Political comedy

Ethan?s connection to Dustin

Living in Seattle

Chaz

Moving to San Diego

2nd round of lockdowns

Secrets of a happy marriage

Coos Bay

Working as a youth pastor

Comedy for Christian crowds

Bad stand up gigs

Laughing at both sides of politics

Golfing with Larry the Cable Guy

Subscriber Portion

Keurig of furniture

Roast of the subscriber lounge

Bad segways 

College gigs

Facebook trolling

Comedy on the internet

Mark Driscoll

Being too insignificant to get fired

Disdain for celebrity Pastors

Appreciation of stand-up

Brad Garrett stories

10 questions

Alter Call

2021-01-19
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The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 3: The One Ring And The Shadow

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it?s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan are joined by Jonathan Watson, creator alongside his two friends of TheOneRing.Com, which can also be followed on Facebook. Kyle, Dan, and Jon are on a quest to joyfully dig through Chapter 2, The Shadow Of The Past, which gives us plenty of exposition about the one ring, the stirring forces of evil in Middle-Earth and explains why Frodo is no longer safe in the Shire.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Chapter 2 - The Shadow of the Past

Frodo is an oddity like Bilbo was and becomes restless.

He continues celebrating Bilbo?s birthday and shows signs of ?good preservation? even as he approaches age 50 the same age when Bilbo left on his journey. 

Tolkien is telling history before it happens (the developing of his myth like Mad Baggins)

We hear about his close friends... Fredegar Bolder and Folco Boffin are mentioned but Merry and Pippin are closest and are anxious about him as Frodo takes to taking long walks farther away from home in the hills under the stars and becoming obsessed with maps and dreaming of mountains he has never seen before. ?The old paths seemed too well-trodden?

Frodo is seeing the elves going west as they leave M-E for good. And dwarves are coming west to the Blue Mountains. They provide a lot of news from outside the Shire... 

Ominous tidings. 

?They were troubled, and some spoke in whispers of the Enemy and of the Land of Mordor.? the evil power in Mirkwood had been driven out by the White Council only to reappear in greater strength in the old strongholds of Mordor. The Dark Tower had been rebuilt, it was said. From there the power was spreading far and wide, and away far east and south there were wars and growing fear. Orcs were multiplying again in the mountains. Trolls were abroad, no longer dull-witted, but cunning and armed with dreadful weapons. And there were murmured hints of creatures more terrible than all these, but they had no name.?

Gandalf hasn?t been seen for 9 years, after a time of coming and going and being concerned about Frodo?s health (what does he suspect?), and just as well since the people of the Shire suspect he had something to do with Bilbo going mad and disappearing

"'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo.

'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'" 

The discussion of the fall and corruption of Smeagol and a discussion on the pity of Bilbo.

The depiction of Sméagol not being wholly ruined.

A discussion of fate in The Lord of the Rings: Bilbo was meant to find the ring and Frodo was meant to have it. Wills of secondary agents.
Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. I have not much hope that Gollum can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it. And he is bound up with the fate of the Ring. My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before the end; and when that comes, the pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many ? yours not least.

We get introduced to Samwise Gamgee w/ the convo at The Green Dragon at Bywater!! (He believes in ?fairies? or at least dragons and ents)

Has a love for elves and has a childlike wonder about the world nurtured by Bilbo?s stories.

?I dare say there?s more truth in some of them than you reckon.?

G.K. Chesterton wrote about the importance of fairytales as did Lewis and Tolkien? ?Fairytales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairytales tell children that dragons can be killed.?

Frodo seems to have some trust issues with Gandalf.

You say the ring is dangerous, far more dangerous than I guess.

It would overcome anyone of mortal race. The ring would possess the possessor

?A mortal, Frodo, who keeps one of the Great Rings, does not die, but he does not grow or obtain more life, he merely continues, until at last every minute is a weariness. And if he often uses the Ring to make himself invisible, he fades: he becomes in the end invisible permanently, walks in the twilight under the eye of the Dark Power that rules the Rings. Yes, sooner or later ? later, if he is strong or well-meaning to begin with, but neither strength nor good purpose will last ? sooner or later the Dark Power will devour him.?

The ring can also shrink or expand at will to slip of a finger if it wanted.

Gandalf began to think something odd about it right when Bilbo found it and lied about winning the ring from Gollum. He talks about Saruman and whether Bible will be harmed. He voluntarily gave up the ring!

Among the Wise I am the only one that goes in for hobbit-lore: an obscure branch of knowledge, but full of surprises. Soft as butter they can be, and yet sometimes as tough as old tree roots.

Greatness vs Morality

 Subscriber Portion

Mail-bo Baggins!

Jonathan?s take on the Movie adaptations 

Movie Differences

2021-01-16
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Pro-Trump Manatees, Arminian Riots, and Big Tech Censorship

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/15/2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like how Arminians are storming the gates of Heaven to protest election, wild manatees are suddenly coming out in a strong show of support for Donald Trump, and censorship is hitting anyone to the right of Stalin thanks to ?Big T.? Kyle?s favorite bird to pronounce eats an alligator, samosas fly into space, and the squirrels are up to something! It?s another The Babylon Bee news show!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

 

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle celebrates his birthday with the California Highway Patrol.

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes Pete Vik?s Hope and Light & Darkness.

Ethan likes Gran Torino? again. And The Outlaw Josey Wales. Okay, Clint Eastwood stuff n general.

Weird News

Game warden uses marksmanship to rescue deer with locked antlers

Fulfilled prophecy? Mysterious NYC squirrel attacks rise in Queens neighborhood: Report

Website seeks 'professional binge watcher' to watch Netflix, eat pizza

Samosa sent to 'space' by British eatery crash-lands in France

Scientists Report First Instances of Dwarf Giraffes

Florida manatee has 'TRUMP' etched into its side; officials seek information

Florida bird caught on video swallowing whole alligator

Kyle gets three Guinness World Records since it is his birthday!

Man chops through apples while juggling knives for Guinness record

 

Siblings Set World Record for the Highest Combined Age, 1042 Years

Athlete does 64 hand-release pushups in one minute for new record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 Arminians Storm God's Throne Room To Protest Election

Summary:A gang of rogue Arminians has broken into God's throne room in order to protest the doctrine of election, sources confirmed Thursday. Hordes of the anti-Calvinist protesters stormed the gates of heaven before angels were forced to fall back and barricade the throne room.

 

"Down with the predestined, sovereign election of God!" cried one man from Florida as he burst into the throne room wearing a buffalo hat. "This whole thing is rigged! Divine interference!"

Arminians were seen scaling the walls of heaven. One managed to hang a "Who is able to resist His will?" banner on the gates of the place, while others busted in and started roaming the streets of gold looking for the Lord's throne room. A few made it in but were instantly killed by being in the presence of the Almighty God, sparking further protests.

There was very little looting, though a few Chick-fil-A sandwiches were taken.

At publishing time, Arminians had suggested the protesters were actually Calvinists disguised as Arminians to make them look bad. Calvinists say there is no proof of this as most of the protesters had neither beards nor smug looks on their faces.

 

The Real Story: Oh wait, the capitol building got stormed too? The capitol building was stormed, presumably by pro-Trump fanatics who think the 2020 election was rigged. 

-A man in a buffalo hat was there and another man walked off with a podium. One man ransacked Nancy Pelosi?s office. 

-Also, in related news, The Babylon Bee slack channel simply titled #Theology because #ArguingAboutCalvinism was too long, has kicked off with many fiery screeds about free will, election, predestination, and the love of God.

-Imagine if Trump had won, none of this would have happened. this is Antifa at the capitol:

-Antifa leader ?Brothers, fret we may, but a fair election has ended and we must accept the results, though they were not in our favor. Lay down your bricks. Remove the vodka soaked rags from your molotov cocktails and drink with me as we accept these results like men. We shall leave the Capitol unmolested, we will don no buffalo garments, for we are not like those savages. Yes, we have a line we will not cross, and this is it.?  Then they sing an ancient Antifa war song about honor, tragedy, and losing with dignity.. 

Sad part of the story, in addition to the erosion of our norms and culture, was that a woman Ashli Babbitt was shot dead by the police, several other rioters died from medical emergencies, and a capitol police officer, Brian Sicknick, was killed in the riot at the Capitol.

 

See also: Our NEW animation about Who Was Really Behind The Attack On The Capitol

Story 2 After Being Kicked Off Social Media, Trump Forced To Go Door To Door And Shout 'RIGGED ELECTION!'

 

Summary:  After being permanently banned from social media, President Trump has been forced to knock on doors across the country, one door at a time. If anyone opens the door, he will shout one of his classic lines such as "RIGGED ELECTION!" or "Hillary is a loser! SAD!" at them before moving on to the next house.

 

Real Story:  Big Tech is going nuts on the censorship front.
Donald Trump got suspended from Twitter and Facebook for ?inciting a riot? 

Twitter?s statement said, ?After close review of recent Tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account and the context around them ? specifically how they are being received and interpreted on and off Twitter ? we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence.? 

Amazon, Apple, and Google got Parler got taken down.

Ron Paul has been blocked from Facebook.

Conservatives, libertarians and otherwise non-woke people seem to be shedding followers on Twitter and also 70,000 Q accounts are being booted en masse.

Conservatives have been quick to point out the double standards and hypocrisy of social media companies letting leftist incitements to violence stay and slamming the hammer down on conservatives.

 

Revealing CNN article: Defiant Trump denounces violence but takes no responsibility for inciting deadly riot 

 

Twitter blog about Trump tweets

 

Story 3 Biden Unveils Skin Color Chart To Determine Who Gets Federal Aid

 

Summary: President-elect Joe Biden gave a press briefing from the basement of his Wilmington mansion announcing that his incoming administration will be utilizing an innovative skin color chart to determine who is the priority in receiving their share of the $900 billion federal coronavirus aid package recently passed by Congress. 

 

?Our priority will be black, Latino, Asian, and Native American-owned small businesses, women-owned businesses (real quote),? Biden informed the nation. ?We are sending out a new color chart to all agencies involved to make sure there is no malarkey??

Experts praised the administration?s new color chart as being very unambiguous, black-and-white even, on who the government was going to help and not help.

 

Real Story: From Joe Biden?s website ?To address the racial wealth gap, the opportunity gap, and the jobs gap for Black and Brown people, Biden will launch a historic effort to empower small business creation and expansion in economically disadvantaged areas ? and particularly for Black-, Latino-, AAPI-, and Native American-owned businesses.?

Joe Biden Website

Washington Post Article On Joe Biden Small Business Plan

 

Joe Biden?s reported nominee for head of DOJ, Kristen Clarke said back in her Harvard days, ?Melanin endows Blacks with greater mental, physical and spiritual abilities ? something which cannot be measured based on Eurocentric standards.?

 

Topic of the Week: 

 

Big Tech Censorship, what is the role of social media?

-Libertarian private property trumps all so a private company can just do what it wants? 

-Federal Section 230 protections protect social media companies as being considered platforms instead of publishers- is that cool? 

-Jack was gloating about Parler being taken down

-Are we heading to a place where conservatives have to make their own phones, own networks, own web providers, own banks?

They made their own, Parler, and it got taken down by Amazon, Google, and Apple. 

GoDaddy took away the domain registration for a gun forum AR-15.com

Big megacorporations like AMEX, AMAZON, Marriot, Commerce Bank,  Dow, Hallmark, Blue Cross, Charles Shwab, their PACs are cutting off donations to 147 Republicans who supported efforts against certifying the election results.

 

At least three banks are cutting off ties from Trump. (Signature, Deutsche, and Profession banks) 

 

What are the implications for The Babylon Bee? What threats do we have and why do we need subscribers to support us.

 

The hypocrisy of Big Tech of what they allow to remain up.

 

Hate Mail

 

Will says we are making Christianity look bad again.

 

Subscriber Portion

Behind the Scenes Update

When this comes out Kyle will be at Winter Bee Con in Michigan.

Mailbag

Jackson Baker sent us a video about how the proposal went and answers some of Ethan?s questions like if Kelsey got bored reading the list of tips from the Bee.

Bonus Hate Mail

Doug incites violence we think and maybe thinks we created social media?

Headline Forums

Got Any Cool Stories? 

Story Time With Ethan Nicolle

Email us your cool stories!

2021-01-15
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Abigail Shrier Interview: The Truth Behind Trans Children

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Abigail Shrier, a writer for the Wall Street Journal, The Federalist and author of new book Irreversible Damage. In the book she explores the ?transgender craze,? where in the last few years, there has been an explosion in people identifying as transgender -- especially among biological females now identifying as male. The book was recently banned from Target -- though later reinstated -- after one transgender individual complained on Twitter. Topics include the Transgenderism craze, big tech, and making women a victim class. 

Buy her book here: Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed 

Transgenderism craze in society

How Abigail became involved in the debate

Effects of testosterone on women

Social media and Transgender influencers

Using Google to solve everything

Helicopter parenting 

Why social media is poison 

Embracing ideology instead of religion 

Gender clinics

What you can get without a parent?s consent in most states

How they are able to teach gender in school without parent?s knowledge

Secret identities at school

Teen hysteria 

What is the science behind transgenderism? 

Doctor?s roles 

De-transitioning

Big tech

The best thing a dad can do for his daughter

Pride parade in schools 

Subscriber Portion

Why this shouldn?t be a political issue

Postmodernism, post-truth

Making women a victim class

LGBTQ infighting

Public lies

Biological differences

Feminism

Abigail?s book removal from Target

Silence from reviewers

In defense of boyhood and girlhood.

2021-01-12
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The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 2: A Birthday In The Shire

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it?s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan dive into the book, beginning as most books do, in Chapter 1, with A Long Expected Party. There?s a birthday party of special magnificence, a place worth fighting for, and a wizard puttering down the road with fireworks. There?s something very wrong in Hobbiton though.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

We answer your comments and questions in the subscriber portion. 

Episode 2: A Long-Expected Party

Opening line: When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.

The subtle magic of Middle-Earth: Bilbo is 111 years old. Frodo/Bilbo having same birthday. Theme of fate introduced.

The depiction of the Shire -- a foil for the rest of the adventure?s rising danger.

The Shire gives us a place worth fighting for.

Gandalf arrives -- we have an instigating event, a catalyst. (Kyle?s G rune tattoo mentioned). Fireworks! Such simple pleasures.

Foreshadowing of ill effects of Bilbo?s ring and treasure -- and Bilbo?s planned trick.

This chapter never managed to hook my older boys, but I wonder if I tried again at their ages -- 12 and 10 -- they would become interested. It?s a good hook. I suppose it helps if you?ve read The Hobbit. This may be the quintessential example of something where the previous book helps but is still absolutely unnecessary to read to understand.

The foreboding ending is perfect: ?Frodo saw him to the door. He gave a final wave of his hand, and walked off at a surprising pace; but Frodo thought the old wizard looked unusually bent, almost as if he was carrying a great weight. The evening was closing in, and his cloaked figure quickly vanished into the twilight. Frodo did not see him again for a long time.?

2021-01-09
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Amen, Awomen, And A New Year For Bee Prophecies

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/8/2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like Biden?s new mask womandate, totally healthy dead Cosmopolitan cover girls, and The Babylon Bee?s new 100% effective marriage proposal service. The always prophetic Bee writers have made predictions for 2021, there?s weird news, and ever-glorious hate mail.  

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes coffee. He ranks his methods of coffee prep.

Ethan likes BroForce. 

Weird News

German pilot makes point with syringe in the sky

Kentucky man goes viral for clearing snowy driveway with flamethrower

UPDATE ON JETPACK MAN: Los Angeles pilot finally captures elusive 'jetpack man' on video

Escaped hamster braves freezing temperatures to get to candy store

Bodybuilder may spend holidays alone after sex-doll wife is ?broken?

Police respond to chickens 'wreaking havoc' at New Jersey McDonald's

UAE chefs bake world's longest line of pies for Guinness record

Story 1: 10 Tips for Proposing to Your Girlfriend: A Love Story!

Summary: Spring is almost here. We think. We?re not really sure since we?ve all been locked inside our homes since last spring. Anyway, now is the time when Ring Before Spring takes over all the Bible colleges and young men start proposing left and right. Some of our readers might be wondering: how should I propose to my girlfriend? We asked love experts like Gary Chapman, our youth pastor, and Joshua Harris, and compiled these ten tips for proposing to your woman. 

Real Story: Top ten list in the link. The main thing was to keep number 9 and 10 in there for Jackson Baker to propose to his girlfriend, Kelsey. One of the pictures he sent is below:

Story 2: Biden Promises Nationwide Mask Mandate And Womandate

Summary: In light of recent events, Biden has updated his COVID plan to include not just a mask mandate, but a mask womandate as well. In a prepared statement given to his nurse and posted on Twitter, the completely legitimate and unquestioned president-elect apologized for the sexist language in his plan.

Real story: Hilarity ensued when House Democrats opened up the 117th session of congress with an opening prayer from Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, D-Missouri, minister at the St. James United Methodist Church, a prayer made in the name of ?the monotheistic god, Brahma, and god known by many names by many different faiths,? which ended with AMEN and A-WOMAN.

Amen is not gendered. It is from Hebrew and means It means ?it is so? or ?so it be.? Amen is derived from the Hebrew ?m?n, which means ?certainty,? ?truth,? and ?verily.?

Other ways on which Rep. Cleaver has updated his speech.

Story 3: 'This Is Healthy': Cosmopolitan Features First-Ever Dead Cover Girls

Summary: Yass, slay, queens -- dead queens, that is! Cosmopolitan Magazine is promoting body positivity with the first-ever series of corpse cover models.

The issues feature interviews with and profiles on a dozen dead girls who show how they too can be healthy despite being completely dead.

Real story: Cosmopolitan Magazine is featuring on its cover very overweight women as the picture of health with the main story being ?11 women on why wellness doesn?t have to be one-size-fits-all.?

Topic of the Week: The Babylon Bee?s 2021 Prophecies!

Hate Mail 

Bryan says we?ve become too political.

Subscriber Portion

Mailbag from Drew that puts Ethan right to sleep

Bonus Hate Mail

Cool Story From Becky

Headline Forum

2021-01-08
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Andrew Heaton Interview: Will Be Your Amish Ambassador

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to comedian, author, and political satirist  Andrew Heaton. Andrew has performed stand up comedy all over the world and hosts two podcasts, one of them featuring Kyle and Ethan. Andrew?s two podcasts are titled The Political Orphanage and Alienating the Audience. Kyle and Ethan dive into Andrew?s strange Oklahoma upbringing that deals with a Prison rodeo, eating a rattlesnake heart, and having unknown ties to a family cave. While on his journey out of Oklahoma, Andrew worked for a time at congress and tells Kyle and Ethan about how that experience helped shape him to become politically homeless. 

Andrew is @MightyHeaton on all social media. 

Political Orphanage Podcast

Alienating The Audience

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Topics Discussed

Trouble with sleep

Political labels and comedy

Oklahoma prison rodeo 

Rattlesnake derby 

Eating rattlesnake hearts

Exploring Caves in Oklahoma

Weiner Dog racing 

Dinner with an Amish community

Viking Runestones

Working for Congress 

Beer pong with a Congressman

Alienating the Audience

Economics of Dune

Current Political Art is going to age badly

How British politics do it right

Owning a distillery in Scotland 

Getting a van stuck in a bog in Scotland

Subscriber Portion

Italian Fire

Cigar smoking

Living in a variety of places

Quarantine in a camper

Legalizing drugs

Underground libertarian drug den

Meeting Vermin Supreme

Yelling at politicians

European Californians

GK Chesterton quote

History Improv

10 Questions

Phil Robertson

Stephen Colbert

Bombing as a comedian 

2021-01-05
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The Babylon Bee New Year's Special 2021

This is the Babylon Bee New Year's Special 2021.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan do a rundown on 2020?s biggest and best Babylon Bee stories that gave the world fake news they could trust. They talk about all the big changes at The Babylon Bee and give a behind-the-scenes look into the creative process behind the top ten Bee articles of the year. Even though the year was a crazy one, Kyle and Ethan want to end 2020 with a little Chestertonian awe, wonder, and gratitude.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

The Babylon Bee 2020 In Retrospect

This year, The Babylon Bee:

Got a real studio

Launched video podcasts

Launched animation

Grew tremendously in # of subscribers

We shifted to full-time coronavirus jokes for a while

First annual BeeCon

Got attacked by Facebook, banned by Twitter

Hired more people (it was basically just me and Ethan a year ago)

Trump shared our article, thinking it was real?

New York Times profile

Interviewed some really big names!

Published The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee, Volume 1!

Top 10 Bee Articles of the year

10 - Inspiring: Celebrities Spell Out 'We're All In This Together' With Their Yachts

9 - Trump Announces He Has Hidden 5 Golden Tickets Among Stimulus Checks

8 - Biden: 'I Am The Only Candidate Who Can Beat Ronald Reagan'

7 - FBI Hires Top-Rated Italian Bodyguard Hiluigi Clintonelli To Protect Ghislaine Maxwell

6 - Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants

5 - NBA Players Wear Special Lace Collars To Honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg

4 - Biden Campaign Says He Is So Close To A VP Pick He Can Smell Her

3 - Bernie Tests Negative For President

2 - Cracker Jack Changes Name To More Politically Correct Caucasian Jack

1  - Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People's Hair

One last ?G.K. Chesterton!? for 2020.

Subscriber Portion: Bonus Top Articles #11-15

15 - Miracle: Coronavirus Passes Over Houses With Chick-Fil-A Sauce Smeared On Door Posts

14 - With Statues Gone, Pigeons Forced To Poop On Rioters

13 - In Bold Anti-Trump Statement, Pelosi Rips Up Bible

12 - Podiums At Next Debate To Be Equipped With Life Alert Buttons

11 - Democrats Warn That American People May Tamper With Next Election

2021-01-01
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The Bee Reads LOTR Episode 1: Concerning Allegory and Hobbits

From the heart of the Shire, through the depths of Moria, to the ends of Middle-Earth, it?s The Babylon Bee Reads The Lord Of The Rings! In this episode of The Babylon Bee Reads, Kyle and Dan tell some of their personal stories relating to Tolkien?s writings and discuss Tolkien?s Foreword in which he aggressively denies that The Lord Of The Rings is an allegory. Subscribers also get to hear their discussion of the Prologue concerning hobbits, the Shire, and pipeweed.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

We answer your comments and questions in the subscriber portion. Leave your letters at [email protected].

Foreword

Our personal stories with Lord of the Rings

Themes we?ve gotten out of the books in the past

How fleeting evil is. History is cyclical, but the faithful need not worry. (Tom Bombadil) (?There was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach?)

Small people doing ordinary deeds can change the world - Diana Glyer

Good vs. evil, obviously. But more specifically, the asymmetric war of  good and evil. Good is eternal. Evil is fleeting. Evil is just twisted good. They are not on equal footing.

Tolkien?s almost overly defensive foreword -- extreme insistence that it?s not an allegory

Says if it were an allegory for WW2, the Free Peoples would have used the Ring.

Prologue

Setting the stage: Middle-Earth as myth and an alternate history of earth

Hobbits are seemingly unimportant, yet they change the world

Maps!

2020-12-30
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The Babylon Bee Christmas Special 2020

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan celebrate Christmas at The Babylon Bee Studio with returning guests Kira Davis, Kellen Erskine, and Greg Koukl. They debate what qualifies as a Christmas movie, wonder how great it would be to have a VeggieTales/Hallmark Movie Universe crossover, and try to rank International Ninja Day and Taylor Swift?s birthday among other venerated December holidays. Merry Christmas!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Kellen has a podcast about books: The Book Pile

Kira Davis has a podcast about her opinions and also another podcast about Hallmark Christmas movies: Just Listen To Yourself and A Very Merry Podcast

Greg Koukl can be heard at Stand To Reason including #STRAsks.

Topics Discussed

New studio 

TikTok 

Coffee cup drinking style

Short attention spans 

Red Pen Logic series 

Seeker friendly churches

Bowling 

Parody in today?s world 

Karaoke at old folks home 

Brave Ollie Possum 

Veggie tales 

Problem with slogans 

Hallmark Christmas movie

What makes a Christmas movie?

Tragedy of Kevin McCalister 

Scrooged 

Goonies 

Seeing movies as an adult 

Star Wars

Ranking Christmas holidays

Kwanzaa 

Dewey Decimal system day

International Ninja day

Celebrating Santa 

The Book Pile podcast

Just Listen To Yourself Podcast 

A Very Merry Podcast

Stand to Reason Podcast

Subscriber Portion   

Christmas for Latter Day Saints

Defending the virgin birth

Faith above reason 

The Red Sea 

Best and worst Christmas gifts

Conservative news outlets 

Trump?s news network 

The War on Christmas 

The Nativity movie 

It?s a Wonderful Life

Ugly Christmas sweaters

2020-12-24
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The Justin Dyer Interview: Narnian Natural Law

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to professor of political science Justin Dyer, author of C. S. Lewis on Politics and the Natural Law and director of the Kinder Institute on Constitutional Democracy.  Topics range from C.S. Lewis? view on natural law, being a classical liberal, and how C.S. Lewis wanted all kids off his lawn. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed

How Dyer became interested in CS Lewis Would CS Lewis vote for Trump How Lewis pulls theology, philosophy, and politics all into his writing What is natural law? C.S. Lewis influences C.S. Lewis being a classical liberal  Social Dilemma Abolition of man and the modern times Left and right attacking natural law in Lewis? time C.S. Lewis would be a libretraian  Lewis wanted to be treated like a dinosaur  Abolition of man waterfall  C.S. Lewis criticism of english language textbooks Objective standards to beauty and art Oxytocin for humor 

Subscriber portion 

Lewis answering every letter written to him Lewis hated his modern technology Lewis didn?t like change Lewis wouldn?t be a fan of twitter CS Lewis and Sexuality Cs Lewis view on marriage made Tolkien uncomfortable How one writer believes Lewis is going to Hell Lewis? view of tradition  10 Questions  Great embarrassing story
2020-12-22
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The Chesterton Prophecies And The Eccentric Elon Musk News Show 12.18.2020

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/18/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like Elon Musk noticing our fine journalism, Dr. Jill Biden expertly saving a life with just a podium and a microphone, Disney announcing 7,562 new Star Wars shows. They also discuss how prolific and prophetic G.K. Chesterton was writing over a century ago. There?s stuff that?s good, weird news, glorious hate mail, and unintentional rambunctious reindeer.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle is getting old and the guys discuss whether walking on one?s back is a remedy. On the plus side, Kyle read all of Abigail Shrier?s book Irreversible Damage. Kyle and Ethan remember Ebaumsworld and Newgrounds and how his Mission To The Moon music video is getting some attention recently.

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes the board game Sonar.

Ethan likes Scythian album Roots and Stones.

Weird News

Porch pirate steals bait box filled with cat poop

Precious painting lost at German airport found at dumpster

Woman receives birthday card mailed by her late mother in 2015

Man buys 160 tickets for one lottery drawing, wins 160 times

Marvel's Star-Lord is apparently now a polyamorous bisexual

Google sends 7-year-old warning that his parents are monitoring his account and WAY too many people are okay with that.

Genius! These codebreakers just cracked the Zodiac Killer's infamous 340 cipher, 51 YEARS after it was first published.

Teacher assistant mortified after missing rude detail on Christmas cardigan 

Sentence spelled out by balloons breaks Guinness record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Man Chokes In Restaurant, Dr. Jill Biden Springs Into Action To Deliver Educational Lecture

Summary:  As Dr. Jill Biden and her husband went out to eat over the weekend, a man began choking on his Denver omelet. But lucky for him, Dr. Jill Biden was there, and she is a doctor.

"We need a doctor here!" cried a waiter. "Is there a doctor in the house?"
Dr. Jill Biden sprang into action. "I'm a doctor!" she said, rushing over. "I'm going to need a podium and a microphone, stat!" After a busboy hurried over with the life-saving tools she would need, Dr. Jill Biden thanked him and then began delivering a speech on meeting students' needs at the community college level.

An op-ed in the Wall Street Journal by Joseph Epstein sparked a debate over calling Jill Biden a ?doctor? since she is not a medical doctor but has a doctorate in education.

"Madame First Lady ? Mrs. Biden ? Jill ? kiddo," the piece begins. "Any chance you might drop the 'Dr.' before your name? 'Dr. Jill Biden' sounds and feels fraudulent, not to say a touch comic."

Epstein went on to argue that the prestige of doctorates and honorary degrees has been diminished by political correctness and the relaxation of academic standards before urging Biden to "forget the small thrill of being Dr. Jill, and settle for the larger thrill of living for the next four years in the best public housing in the world as First Lady Jill Biden."

Conservative pundits pointed to the episode as an example of what they say is a quickness on the part of the political left to be offended. 

"I'm sorry. Telling a white lady in her late 60s that she should stop calling herself doctor because she is not an actual medical doctor, that is not sexist. It's not," commentator Ben Shapiro

Hillary Clinton tweeted: Her name is Dr. Jill Biden. Get used to it.

Lots of politicos on Twitter were changing their bio and hilarity ensued.

Story 2 - The Babylon Bee Presents An Exclusive Inside Look At 15 Upcoming Star Wars Shows

Summary: Disney announced about 7,562 new Star Wars shows yesterday. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, as more shows are soon to follow. We at The Babylon Bee have a Star Wars insider (we're not saying it's Gina Carano, but we're not not saying it). We asked her -- or him, or them -- what shows have yet to be announced, and they were able to tease these upcoming shows. They sound amazing!

Story 3 - Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15

Summary: After years of fighting lame California politicians who want to lock everyone in their homes so they can't go to space or build cool stuff, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced he was moving to a land flowing with milk and honey called Texas. Almost immediately after the move, he announced a new product the whole world has been waiting for: the Tesla AR-15.

Elon Musk really is moving to Texas

Elon has a strange obsession with The Babylon Bee

He said we were ?savage? on Twitter.

He also weirdly tagged us under an Onion story.

What else could he create?

Topic of the Week: Top Prophetic Chesterton Quotes

G.K. Chesterton was a prolific and seemingly prophetic writer. Kyle and Ethan discuss.

Hate Mail

Ethan delivers a moving rendition of Linda not appreciating our satire when it targets her personal political hero and we discover a new word to describe journalism that makes us think of the bathroom.

Subscriber Portion

Bonus Chesterton Prophecies/Quotes

Mailbag

Caleb R. writes in to tell Ethan he is not alone with his toddler poop struggles.

Bonus Hate Mail

Someone was looking for highbrow content and mental stimulation and was sorely disappointed when he flipped out The Babylon Bee Podcast.

Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to [email protected]

 

2020-12-18
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Mike Lindell Interview: The Jesse Ventura of Pillows

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Mike Lindell. Mike Lindell is the founder and current CEO of My Pillow. Mike Lindell first gained fame for starring in the My Pillow infomercials sporting his trademark mustache, periwinkle blue shirt, and cross necklace. He has gained recent notoriety for becoming one of President Trump?s biggest supporters. Mike shows why he is always the best at parties by sharing stories of his crack addiction, becoming a commercial celebrity, and how the media can?t cancel him. 

 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

 

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Don?t forget to check out our store and pick up your Christmas gifts!

Subscription deals The Sacred Texts Santa punching heretics shirt

Topics Discussed 

What makes the My Pillow Great?  How an inventor?s mind works Becoming an Evangelical speaker World record pillow fight  Bible Verses with My Pillow   Addiction story Getting cut off from a drug dealer Lindell Recovery Network Donald Trump Swords, drugs, Mexico Armed robbery as a card counter  Infomercials Been on tv 3.2 million times Periwinkle Blue shirts Government is sequestering the supplements South Dakota has been doing it right  California?s insanity with Covid  Donald Trump and the election Addiction centers Mask giveaway with a two hour sermon 

Subscriber Portion

My Pillow voting machine My Pillow can help with all the corruption in politics Wearing a cross at the crack house and on TV Breaking records on the shopping network  Hears God by staying proactive in Prayer Funding Unplanned  Riding a bulldozer in Unplanned  Being attacked by Jack Dorky 10 Questions
2020-12-15
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Santa Hacked, Iron Crotch Kung Fu, and Death By Poodle News Show 12.11.2020

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/11/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan are joined by actress Wendy Shapero, who you may know from Dirt, Free Samples, Robot Chicken, or the voice of the mom from our very own Babylon Bee animation. They talk about the week?s biggest stories like how our government is covering up aliens being among us, the vaccine being distributed through pyramid schemes, and how Santa?s Nice List has become compromised through software glitches. They also talk about how Kung Fu masters look to spread the gospel of the iron crotch, read hate mail, and wonder how many trendy food products Wendy will pitch to us before the show ends.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Babylon Bee listeners get 10% their first month at that link.

Intro

Wendy talks about some of the roles she has played for The Babylon Bee and Robot Chicken. You might recognize her voice as the mom for our family or from the Halloween special. Here is the song she can?t get out of her head right now.

Stuff that?s Good

Kyle likes Almost Heroes

Ethan likes Sugar Taylor sauce and Junebug rub

Wendy Shapero likes walking on hot coals with Tony Robbins and TUSOL which she swears is totally not a pyramid scheme.

Weird News
Aliens in hiding until mankind is ready, says ex-Israeli space head

Space aliens have reached an agreement with the US government to stay mum on the experiments they conduct on Earth ? as well as their secret base on Mars ? until mankind is ready to accept them, the former head of Israel?s space program, 87-year old Haim Eshed, claimed in a new interview. ?Trump was on the verge of revealing [aliens existence], but the aliens in the Galactic Federation are saying, ?Wait, let people calm down first,'? Eshed, who helmed Israel?s space security program from 1981 to 2010, reportedly said. ?They don?t want to start mass hysteria. They want to first make us sane and understanding.? He also claims astronauts have already been to Mars? at the Alien?s secret base

California man punches 350-pound bear in face to save beloved dog 'Buddy'

This happened in Nevada county, the bear had the dog by the head in its mouth and was dragging it back into the woods 100 ft away so Kaleb Benham ran out and punched the 350 pound bear in the face.  Buddy went into surgery and came out after three hours with some stitches and some staples, but was able to return home for Thanksgiving. Benham and Buddy spent the holiday in bed resting up and healing. Buddy is expected to make a full recovery.

?I?m OK, Just A Bit Tired?: Italian Man Walks 450 Kilometers To Cool Off After Arguing With His Wife

A man from Italy walked 280 miles after an argument with his wife He was caught by police and fined for breaking the lockdown.  Wife had to pick him up and drive him back home after paying the fine. 

Mall Santa Rejects Nerf Gun Request, Brings Boy to Tears

A video making the rounds on social media shows a mall Santa bringing a young boy to tears by rejecting the child?s request for a Nerf gun, and going even further to say, ?No guns.? The New York Post reported the story, referring to the Kris Kringle imitator as a ?politically correct Santa.? Update: Christmas justice! That mall fired Woke Santa and got a nerf gun for the kid he made cry.

Chinese ?iron crotch? kung fu masters fight to preserve a painful-looking tradition

These guys smash their testicles Its most famous technique involves a steel-plate capped log, 6.5 feet in length and weighing 88 pounds that swings through the air and smashes into a man?s crotch. ?When you practise iron crotch kung fu, as long as you push yourself, you will feel great,? said Wang, head of the Juntun Martial Arts Academy.

Man uses sword to slice 68 grapes while standing on balance board to beat world record

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - 138,000 Kids Suddenly Added To Santa's Nice List In Middle Of Night

Summary: Santa Claus's nice list is said to be run on trustworthy software, safe and secure on an unhackable server under his workshop. 

But some are questioning the legitimacy of the nice list after the tally suddenly spiked in the middle of the night, adding over 138,000 kids to the good side of the list.

There was a suspicious adjustment of 138,000 votes all for Biden in the middle of the night in Michigan. There are still various Trump lawsuits and the state of Texas lawsuit about the election procedures around the nation.  We will probably get banned from YouTube for talking about it though according to their latest email.

Story 2 - In Order To Appeal To Suburban Christian Women, Vaccine To Be Distributed Through A Pyramid Scheme

Summary: Many people are skeptical of the coming vaccine, some due to political reasons, and others due to religious reasons or the fact that all the numbers in the vaccine's serial number add up to 666 or something.

But there's one group that will definitely be on board with the vaccine now: suburban Christian women.

That's because the vaccine is being rebranded as an empowering wellness product called VacciLife. Women can sign on as an independent VacciLife consultant just by purchasing a $200 starter kit. Then, they're able to become their own boss and control their financial future by selling the vaccine -- and, even more importantly, a great business opportunity -- to their friends and family.

Story 3 - Newsom Issues Double Stay-at-Home Order Where You Have To Stay In A Smaller House Inside Your Original House

Summary: In an attempt to fight another spike in COVID-19 infections in California, Governor Gavin Newsom has issued the first ever double stay-at-home order. With the new order, people aren?t only ordered to stay in their homes no matter what, but also aren?t free to wander around their homes. Instead they have to stay inside smaller houses inside their regular homes. 

It?s suggested that each member of the household stays inside their own tiny house until the pandemic ends, even babies.

Once again a policy that favors the rich (they have space in their big houses for small houses) Newsom is trying to ban gathering, outdoor dining, etc. Lots of local county and city law enforcement aren?t listening LA County tried to ban outdoor dining, but lost a court case about it. Newsom is a hypocrite going to French Laundry with no mask and no social distancing LA County Supervisor Sheila Kuehl voted to ban outdoor dining and then went to her favorite restaurant Chef Gruel who owns nation-wide chain of restaurants called  SLAPFISH Seafood basically said the government?s orders aren?t based on any science that outdoor dining is causing the spread of COVID and that banning outdoor dining is causing more people to gather indoors in their homes which we know is causing the spread. He told the government he?s going to stay open. He says, "It's crystal clear... elected officials are owned by corporate America or Silicon Valley, perhaps the entertainment industry? the rules don't apply to them. But they obviously apply to all of us small businesses, and we're getting crushed..." Pete Davidson calling people babies for wanting to end the lockdown and get back to work ?- FROM HIS JOB (SNL) The Austin mayor told everyone to stay home while vacationing in Mexico

Topic of the Week: Wikipedia?s List Of Unusual Deaths

Kyle recently became obsessed with this morbid topic.

Hate mail

A woman really takes issue with how we apparently are banning meals that serve more than six.

Subscriber Segment

Subscriber update

Kyle and Dan are launching a Babylon Bee Reads podcast starting with The Lord Of The Rings. Get the book, read the foreword, prologue, and chapter 1 and look for episodes to drop in a few weeks.

Mailbag

We have a Carman sighting  from Bee friendCameron Belt 

MAGABoomer Bonus hate mail - 

A MAGAboomer responded to our newsletter and didn?t like us poking fun at Sydney Powell and sent us the most ALL CAPS, LINK-FILLED, ANIMATED GIF-filled MAGABoomer email we have ever received. And we are absolutely in love with it. 

Subscriber headlines

We do a weekly rundown of the top subscriber-submitted headlines of the week and give shoutouts to the ones that even got published! HUGE shoutout!

Got any cool stories?

2020-12-11
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Bridget Phetasy Interview: Wasteland of The Center

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Bridget Phetasy. Bridget is a well known writer and podcaster. She has a monthly column on the Spectator website and has two Podcast shows: Dumpster Fire and Walk-Ins Welcome. Bridget gained notoriety for making both liberals and conservatives angry through her writing and now has gained an even greater audience making people angry on Twitter. You may even recognize her voiceover work on the Bee Animation, where she has voiced Samantha and many others.  Kyle and Ethan talk to Bridget about how Kanye West wrote a lyric about her, her struggle with addiction, and how she is stuck in the wasteland of being a centrist in a polarized political world. 

Topics Discussed 

Bridget?s origin story Bridget?s dreams being delusional 2020 can be good Tropic Thunder Appearing on Jerry Springer?s show Baggage Stand-up comedy Appearing on Curb Your Enthusiasm Voiceover work  Game of improv for a career Ben Shapiro Bridget?s first appearance on Fox Kanye writing a song about Bridget Risk of talking to the other side The left being afraid of platforming Danger of woke culture Wasteland of the center Gavin Newsom atrocities Gun control Free speech warrior Pro brunch

Subscriber Portion 

Introduction of the subscriber lounge The PG rating  Being politically homeless Trump wearing people down The election results Sydney Powell Encouraging man spreading Equal hate from both sides No sacred cows Take the work seriously, don?t take yourself seriously Hypocrisy of capitalism  Wealthy woke white women People in power thinking they are oppressed Fake vote suppression Twitter fact check Built Back Better Alex Jones starting to sound reasonable  Religious talk  Conspiracy theories are hilarious   Trust in Institutions Q Adjacent  Handling Trauma with jokes 10 Questions  Good fight story Best Concerts
2020-12-08
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Worst Christmas Songs Ever And It?s Pronounced Heron News Show 12.4.2020

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 12/4/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like Biden?s all-female communications team reminding us that we should already know what?s wrong in the nation, Biden?s arm falling off in peanut butter jar opening attempt, and a bowl of porridge getting a record-shattering 80 million votes. Kyle and Ethan inform you about the worst Christmas songs ever so that you can avoid them. There?s weird news, glorious hate mail, and Kyle learns how to pronounce the word ?heron?.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

The Babylon Bee wishes our fanbase in Wyoming, MATT TUNSTALL, a happy 40th birthday!

Also, Ethan is having some killer deals at his Axe Bear Store with a way to get a free Axe Cop trade paperback. 

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes The Battle of Five Armies Behind the Scenes Video

Ethan likes Axe Cop the Game which is available now on Steam!

Weird News

More than 150 Santas ride jet skis for Guinness record

Mike Tyson eats ear off Roy Jones Jr. cake ahead of exhibition bout

 

George Clooney Has Been Using Flowbee For Years

Anti-gay Hungarian politician József Szájer resigns after being caught attending 25-man orgy in breach of COVID-19 rules

 

Eel bursts out of Flying Heron?s stomach alien style

 

Stories of the Week

Story 1 - Biden All-Female Communications Team Won't Tell Nation What's Wrong, Nation Should Already Know

Summary: Biden's transition team has announced they will be appointing an all-female communications team. According to sources, the team will not tell the nation what's wrong, since the nation should already know.   

 

Story 2 - Biden's Arm Falls Off While Trying To Open A Jar Of Peanut Butter

 

Summary: Staffers have revealed that Biden was the victim of yet another tragic accident after his arm fell completely off as he attempted to open up a jar of peanut butter.

 

Story 3 - In National Survey Of Favorite Foods, Lukewarm Bowl Of Porridge Wins 80 Million Votes

Summary: In a surprise result from a national survey of favorite foods, the winner, with 80 million votes -- blowing away the previous record of 69 million votes -- was a lukewarm bowl of porridge. The soggy bowl of chopped grains has apparently exploded in popularity around the country and is now handily the most beloved food of all.

Topic of the Week: The Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

Mary Did You Know? The Christmas Shoes Last Christmas Wonderful Christmastime Little Drummer Boy Baby It?s Cold Outside We Three Kings Anything by Chris Tomlin ?Joy to the World? Santa Baby I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth Feliz Navidad We Wish You a Merry Christmas 12 Days of Christmas Every Hanson Christmas album

Bonus: Christmas songs we like

O Holy Night O Come O Come Emmanuel Rob Halford?s III Winter Songs Dio?s God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman Stryper - Winter Wonderland Handel?s Messiah

Hate Mail

A concerned fan believes the Joker has released laughing gas at The Babylon Bee studios and some dude has a thing for sweaty jars of mayonnaise.

Subscriber Portion

Behind the Scenes Update

Subscribers actually get to see the subscriber-exclusive lounge.

Mailbag

Video question from subscriber Allen Boone.

Bonus Hate Mail

This is the most flowerbedded email we have ever received.

Headline Forums

Got Any Cool Stories?

Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to [email protected]

2020-12-04
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Larry The Cable Guy Interview: Can't Cancel Mater

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Dan Whitney better known as Larry The Cable Guy. Dan gained fame from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour while patenting the phrase ?Get R Done? in his hilarious stand up act. Dan was able to reach out to the next generation when he voiced the role of Mater in the Pixar film, Cars. Dan talks to Kyle and Ethan about how he snagged the role of Mater, how he?s canceling cancel culture, and the time he had to get Chuck Berry off stage. 

Topics Discussed 

Larry The Cable Guy on the View Why Dan chose the name Reagan for his daughter How Dan found the Babylon Bee The Story of Dan snagging the role of Mater Joking with Paul Newman Kicking Chuck Berry off stage How Dan became Larry The Cable Guy Ben Shapiro Tweet  Can?t cancel Larry The Cable Guy Late night talk hosts  Goofiness of Steve Martin The worst audiences of the world Being a comedy superstar Tobacco spitting and Delta Farce  Replacing the Rock and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Subscriber Portion

Friendship with Lewis Black Cool stories with Jeff Foxworthy  10 questions  Another Carmen story
2020-12-01
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The Babylon Bee Thanksgiving Special 2020

This is The Babylon Bee 2020 Thanksgiving Special.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Check out the new Babylon Bee book: The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee. It makes a great Christmas gift!

Check out the new Axe Cop video game coming out Thanksgiving 2020! Watch Kyle and Ethan react to their first time playing here!

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan don?t talk about the week?s top stories. They are joined by the rest of the studio Bee crew, Matthew McDavid, Dan Coats, and Patrick Green, to have a Thanksgiving feast and talk about gratitude, interesting facts about the history of Thanksgiving, and how Kyle sees himself as Tom Bombadil. In the subscriber portion, the dinner guests break into a meeting of the Chestertonians by reading The Philosophy of Gratitude by G.K. Chesterton.

Also mentioned on the podcast: This article is what producer Dan had in mind about the first socialist thanksgiving: The Great Thanksgiving Hoax.

2020-11-26
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Kellen Erskine Interview: TikTok, Gambling, and Appendicitis

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Kellen Erskine. Kellen Erskine is a professional stand-up comedian and a current writer on the upcoming Tuttle Twins Television series. Kellen is a repeat guest that provided one of the more hilarious interviews and somehow makes this one even better.  Kellen talks about the reason he despises Tik Tok, his first time gambling, and how his wife made his Appendicitis worse. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

Passive-aggressive Leaf Blowers Virtual Comedy shows  Why Kellen had to pay for someone to break into his house The delicacy of Stand up Comedy Selfishness of Christmas songs Writing on the Tuttle Twins Performing at a Masonic Temple The torture of the Berenstain Bears Books Brave Ollie Possum  Gambling in Atlantic City Kellen?s wife making his appendicitis worse Why Kellen despises TikTok

Subscriber Portion 

 More on FreeMasons Dry Bar Comedy Howie Mandel Story Lunacy of Highschool Mascots 10 Questions Good fight story
2020-11-24
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Bee Animation Takes Off, Baby Yoda Is Pro-Choice, Drones Get Woke News Show 11.20.2020

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 11/20/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like Disney cleaning up that shocking Mandalorian scene where Baby Yoda ate an unfertilized egg, Biden slapping some BLM stickers on attack drones, and Target making marketing decision based on single tweets. Get a behind the scenes look at The Babylon Bee?s sweet new animation studio taking flight and listen to Kyle and Ethan talk about weird real news, stuff that?s good, and glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Bee listeners get 10% off at that link!

Introduction

Kyle went to Texas and experienced Buc-ee?s, guns, and freedom.

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes Economics in One Lesson by Henry Hazlitt.

Ethan likes the Roald Dahl Audio collection.

Weird News

Sri Lankan Lawmaker bites raw fish to bolster slumping sales 

After a coronavirus outbreak was traced back to the Central Fish maker in Colombo, the country?s commercial capital, the fishing industry took a hit.  "I am making an appeal to the people of this country to eat this fish. Don't be afraid. The coronavirus will not infect you," the lawmaker said, before taking a bite out of a raw fish

Japanese Town Deploys Growling Robot ?Wolves? to protect residents from Bears

With bear sightings at a five year high, and dozens attacks reported in Japan alone, city officials in the town of Takikawa on the island of Hokkaido  Looking like a cross between Wolverine and the Terminator, each cyborg Canis lupus comes equipped with flashing red eyes, a blinking tail, and a repertoire of loud, threatening sounds?growls, roars, and heavy machinery noise?all triggered by motion detectors.

School asks parents to stop throwing late students over closed gate

The Trillade school in Avignon put up signs outside its gate showing a cartoon of a parent sending a small child airborne to get over the fence. The text on the sign asks parents not to throw their children 

Botched carving restoration on Spanish building ridiculed online 

A carved figure in the facade of a Spanish building is going viral on social media after an apparent botched restoration left the figure's face unrecognizable. The result of the restoration has drawn comparisons to the botched "Monkey Christ" fresco restoration in the town of Borja, as well as comparisons to the faces of a Tusken Raider from Star Wars and U.S. President Donald Trump.

Video shows unauthorized man with flamethrower atop NYC bus

A rapper who said he was making a tribute to a legendary New York City hip-hop group was recorded shooting a flamethrower from the top of an occupied city bus in an unsanctioned stunt a transit agency spokesman called ?absurd, dangerous and just plain stupid. Dupree, who also refers to himself as the Flame G.O.D, posted drone footage of the effort. In an earlier Instagram post, he invited people to the area for ice cream, T-shirts and champagne

Egg fight at Tesco after woman was shushed for two minute silence 

A woman was told to shush while other customers observed the silence in of fallen servicemen and women. However, she took umbrage at this.  A witness heard someone shout ?you?ve disrespected my mother? 

7th Grade Language Art teach ?living in the forest?  and doesn?t have adequate internet to host. 

Stories of the Week

 Disney Edits Controversial Mandalorian Scene So Baby Yoda Just Eats An Unborn Baby

Summary: Disney has edited its controversial scene from The Mandalorian, where The Child eats an unfertilized alien egg, so that the creature affectionately known as "Baby Yoda" will simply eat an unborn human baby instead.

Libs were mad that Baby Yoda ate an unfertilized alien egg. May we also add that the alien egg, along with Baby Yoda, and along with the entire plot and cast of Mandalorian, is FICTIONAL Buuuut abortion? Not so much. Gina Carano loves us 

Progress: Biden Administration To Apply 'Black Lives Matter' Decals To All Attack Drones

Summary: Now this is progress: in a move to bring attention to issues of social justice in the United States, the Biden administration has announced that all attack drones used to bomb countries in the Middle East will have "Black Lives Matter" decals applied to them. Inspiring!

We?re not sure why everyone is acting like the Biden administration will be love, tolerance and rainbows. The Obama administration dropped over 26,000 bombs in 2016 alone. That?s 72 bombs a day.

Target Immediately Pulls Bible From Shelves After Church Of Satan Complains

Summary: After the Church of Satan complained on Twitter that Target was selling Bibles, the retailer quickly apologized and pulled the Bible from its shelves. The Church of Satan complained that the book was "Satanophobic." Its tweet got 666 retweets, and Target jumped into action, immediately responding to the tweet that the book was pulled from shelves.

We jest. But ACTUALLY: Target DID pull Abigail Shrier?s book after one person complained. UPDATE: Target backpedaled again because a different trans person complained about censorship We later found out 40,000 Gamers DID sign a petition to remove the Bible from Target after the retailer decided to ban Grand Theft Auto V from their stores. Target said ?we don?t sell the Bible.?

Topic of the Week: Bee Animation

Halloween  ACB  Satan song 

Hate Mail

We got an email from someone who normally likes our stuff.

Subscriber Portion

Subscriber exclusive updates from The Babylon Bee

Mailbag

Gavin asks Kyle and Ethan about changes to old hymns.

Bonus Hate Mail!

Patrick or ?laugh track? as he is affectionately called  reads hate mail about his laugh.

Subscriber Headlines of the Week

Ethan?s ?friend? has a really funny story.

2020-11-20
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Alisa Childers: The Dangers of Progressive Christianity

This is the Babylon Bee Interview show. 

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Alisa Childers. Alisa Childers first gained fame by being in the Christian Pop band, ZOEgirl. Alisa has since moved on from music into becoming a Christian Apologist with her own podcast and her debut book, Another Gospel?, available wherever you find books. Alisa?s apologist story began when she discovered her Pastor was a self proclaimed ?Hopeful Agnostic? thus leading her on a journey of discovering historic Christianity and the true meaning of rap core. Ethan and Kyle receive all the CCM back stories including that of the mysterious Carman. 

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

Alisa?s logo design explanation What is Historic Christianity?  Origin of ZOEgirl  Alisa?s Crisis of Faith Hopeful Agnostic Pastor Journey towards becoming an Apologist Defining Progressive Christianity Ways Progressive Christianity is infiltrating the Evangelical Church

Subscriber Portion 

Cool Stories Newsboys food habits Ending up on Aerosmith's bus Altar call with Journey ZOEgirl name Origin Rapcore 10 Questions G.K. Chesterton  Babylon Bee Altar Call  
2020-11-17
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The Left Makes Enemies List/Pandemic Is Over/The Sacred Texts News Show 11.13.2020

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 11/13/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like the pandemic being officially over now that Biden is President-elect,  Biden?s secret list of cabinet picks getting leaked by The Babylon Bee, and the party against fascism, the Democrats, are creating a giant list of enemies because that always ends well. Also, The Bee?s big ?covfefe? table book The Sacred Texts of The Babylon Bee Volume 1 is finally hitting the streets and we have weird news and glorious hate mail!

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan talk about why Kyle looked like a hobo last week, vacuum haircut devices as seen on Wayne?s World, the brand new The Sacred Texts Of The Babylon Bee Volume 1 available now and whether or not to accept the election results.

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes Dungeons & Dragons

Basic Rules Starter Set Tomb of Annihilation Tomb of the Serpent Kings

Ethan likes Bear in the Back Seat by Kim Delozier and Carolyn Jourdan.

Weird News

?Bigot? has been given a new dictionary definition (NTB)

Oxford English Dictionary?s definition of ?bigot? now reads: "A person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group." It no longer reads: ?A person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions.?

Woman arrested for pretending to be FBI agent and demanding free Chick-fil-A. She even talked into her shirt like she was calling backup. (NTB)

Authorities said Ragsdale kept up the ruse even as she was being arrested Thursday, at one point pretending to talk into a radio supposedly hidden under her shirt and urging the FBI to send someone to her aid, according to The Polk County Standard Journal, citing police. She also claimed her credentials were electronic-only when officers asked to see identification. Can FBI agents demand chick-fil-a?

Russian scientists discover huge walrus haulout in Arctic circle

What the heck is a haulout - is it pronounced ?haloot!? which is another word for Walrus dance party There were 3,000 walruses found in Russia The animals are believed to be going further and further south as scientists believe their habitats are warming and melting due to climate change Is John Bolton among them? How is he doing?

"Hey, Siri ? How old is the president?" Her answer might shock (and infuriate) you (NTB)

For some period of time, Siri would tell you how old Kamala Harris is? not Donald Trump or even presumptive President-elect Joe Biden Kyle tried it and it worked

100 Year Old Disc Golf Player Breaks Guinness Record With Long Throw 

At age 90 set a World Record when he lobbed a disc at a distance of 189 feet At age 100 threw a disc 189 feet for the over 100 age bracket Shinn said he is proud of his world record, but he feels like he can beat it again 

Indian man builds 9-foot-long marker pen for Guinness\\\\\\\ record

This one is just to piss Kyle off.

Parrot returns to British  Owner speaking Spanish - four years after disappearing 

Nigel, a grey African Parrot, flew away from his home in California in 2010, but was returned to his British owner, Darren Chick, after he was discovered in Torrance, California.  The bird?s British accent is gone, replace by fluent Spanish and someone called ?Larry?

King of West African Tribe returns to gardening job in Canada

Eric Manu became royalty when his 67 year old uncle, Dat, passed away last year He moved back to British Columbia, he has returned to landscaping and gardening in the town in a bid to raise cash for his 6,000 strong tribe Manu hopes to improve healthcare with all the money he raises 

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Pandemic Officially Over

Summary: After almost a year of suffering under a devastating killer pandemic, America was relieved to learn that the pandemic is officially over after they saw huge crowds of people smashed together celebrating Biden?s apparent electoral win.

You still can?t go to church or go to a funeral, but hey! People were celebrating in the streets in mass crowds when major news like the AP and others declared Joe Biden the President-elect on Saturday 11/7. Scientists predict if Trump manages to flip the results COVID will return with a vengeance

Story 2
We at The Babylon Bee have acquired a top-secret list of Biden?s cabinet picks. Here they are.

Story 3

The political party vocally opposed to fascism, the Democrats, have begun creating lists of undesirables

AOC?s tweet The Trump Accountability Project  ?Remember what they did,? the group?s sparse website declares. ?We should not allow the following groups of people to profit from their experience: Those who elected him. Those who staffed his government. Those who funded him.?

Topic of the Week

The Sacred Texts of The Babylon Bee

Retrospective on the life of The Bee Pull our favorite articles from the book Read through some of the new infographics

Hate Mail

This guy really hates Jonah Goldberg.

Subscriber Portion

 

Behind the Scenes Update

 

Mailbag From 13yo Kaitlyn and Jana asks about our podcast diet.

 

Bonus Hate Mail

 

Cancel your own subscription! Headline Forum - Subscriber Headlines of the Week

 

Got Any Cool Stories? / Calvin Update

 

Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to [email protected]

 




2020-11-13
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Austin Petersen: Secular Pro-Life Dude Bro Interview

 

This is the Babylon Bee Interview show. 

 

In this episode of the Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Austin Petersen. Austin Petersen ran for President in the 2016 election with the  Libertarian Party and is the founder and chief editor for The Libertarian Republic Website. He is described as a secular dude bro that is Pro life and finds more in common with many Christian Conservatives than those in his own party. Kyle and Ethan test Austin on his Libertarian views, especially in terms of Trump policies, Ferret ownership, and how often he prays to the Libertarian father, Ron Paul.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Get 10% off your first month.

Topics Discussed   

Election Day How many times does Austin show reverence toward Ron Paul?  Why Petersen voted for Trump Major difference between Dems and Republicans Conservatism is about losing slowly The Two kinds of libertarians  Libertarian view on Ferret ownership Are Libertarians Eating babies? Secular argument toward Pro life Creation of incubation chambers Secular journey for Petersen  Why Petersen prefers Christian Conservative to Atheists Communists Not speaking up is much worse Libertarian Government future is not good Senator Mike Lee  Libertarians take on a social justice warrior perspective

Subscriber Portion

Problem with Petersen?s Wiki page Living in a dumpster behind a quick drip Being a dude bro Most Garbage Libertarian website Why Petersen can?t fit in to any political party 10 questions Good Kick fight story
2020-11-10
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The Babylon Bee Election Special News Show 11.6.2020

This is The Babylon Bee News Podcast for the week of 11/6/2020.

In this Election 2020 special, your hosts Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicolle do a recap of all of our Election 2020 coverage which turned out to be fake news you could trust after all. They fondly remember all the absurd moments of the primaries and general election and try to bring some sanity to your election week craziness. We make politics way too important as G.K. Chesterton teaches us in this most excellent Election Podcast Special. Also, will you be our RBG?

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie

Introduction

Kyle voted for the first time and is haggard and tired. Ethan wrote a song to bring us all together: Be my RBG.

Stuff That?s Good 

Kyle likes Star Wars Squadrons.

Ethan likes Monster DC Sniper.

Weird news

Costco pulls coconut milk after report on forced monkey labor

A PETA investigation accused Thai growers, who supply the coconuts for coconut milk such as the Chaokoh brand, of forcing monkeys to work as coconut pickers. Costco has stopped selling coconut milk derived from those producers, reports USA Today. Seems inefficient. Can?t you just put a big snipper on a stick and get them down? PETA says some of the monkeys are driven insane. 

Off-duty Nevada officer dressed as 'Star Wars' Stormtrooper stops suspected drunken driver

An off-duty state trooper wearing a "Star Wars" costume while returning home from a Halloween party prevented a suspected drunken driver from entering a Las Vegas freeway in the wrong direction.

Indian doctor duped into buying ?Aladdin?s lamp? for $93,000

Police in India?s northern Uttar Pradesh state have arrested two men who allegedly duped a doctor into buying an ?Aladdin?s lamp? for $93,000 that they promised would bring wealth and good fortune. Dr Laeek Khan approached police in the northern state of Uttar Pradesh after he realised the lamp did not have any magical powers, as described in the popular folk tale about Aladdin and his wish-granting genie that appears when it is rubbed.

California kayakers end up in mouth of humpback whale

Two kayakers escaped uninjured when they briefly ended up in the mouth of a humpback whale that surfaced beneath them.

Seance live streamed from British manor breaks Guinness record

Babylon Bee Election Coverage:

2020 Election Roundup: The Insane Democratic Primary

Trump Vs Biden: The Babylon Bee's Top Articles From The 2020 Election

Topic of the Week

Kyle and Ethan read a portion of Chesterton?s What?s Right with the World

Hate Mail

We get chewed out by a retired Army guy for our coverage of Mitch McConnel?s recent encounter with a plastic six-pack ring. 

Love Mail

We get some crude love mail that we can appreciate.

Subscriber Lounge

Kyle and Ethan talk about politics being made to be more important than it is, discontent, prigs, and oligarchs as they continue reading from G.K. Chesterton. 

2020-11-06
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Jonah Goldberg On Why He Has Distaste for Gandhi and Trump: Jonah Goldberg Interview

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show. 

 

In this episode of the Babylon bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Jonah Goldberg. Jonah Goldberg is  the Asness Chair in Applied Liberty at the American Enterprise Institute and a Fellow at the National Review Institute. In 2019, he left a role as Senior Editor of National Review magazine after a 21-year stint with the publication to start a new venture. He has been a weekly columnist for the Los Angeles Times since 2005 and a nationally syndicated columnist since 2000. He hosts the popular podcast The Remnant with Jonah Goldberg.


His most recent book, Suicide of the West: How the Rebirth of Tribalism, Populism, Nationalism, and Identity Politics Is Destroying American Democracy, was also a New York Times bestseller in 2018.

2020-11-03
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California Cancels Thanksgiving, but keeps BLM Protests/ACB Orders Handmaid?s Outfits, and Democrats Propose More Coyotes News Show 10.30.2020

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/30/2020.

In this Spooky episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the Babylon Bee being mentioned at the Senate hearings and the week?s top stories like another amazing Guinness World Record that Kyle gets so excited about, ACB ordering all Nation?s Women to Wear Handmaid?s Outfits, Democrats Proposing to stop Coyotes by distracting them with Decoy Roadrunners, and after Thanksgiving being banned, Californians turning to Turkey Barbecues in Honor of Black Lives Matter. Kyle and Ethan also share their favorite Horror Movies, TV Shows, and Books all in time for you to enjoy them before Halloween. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie.

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan joke about Jack Dorsey dressing as a homeless man during his remote senate hearings and being referenced at the Senate hearings. 

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes Geeks Under Grace

Ethan likes Flor De Selva cigars

Weird News

 

World?s longest gum wrapper chain created by 70 year old retired teacher

 

He began the feat back in 1965, which is when Gum chains were quite popular Gary?s record breaking chain came in at a mind boggling 106,810 ft.  Gary says as someone with no special skills that he has to do a lot of hard work in order to succeed in getting a world record

 

Woman allegedly posed as prosecutor, dropped charges against herself 

 

Lisa Landon used the state?s electronic system to drop the charges and submitted fake documents in three separate criminal cases last year. A forensic examiner who was supposed to perform a competency evaluation on her, noticed the charges were dropped.  Landon also falsified a judge?s decision to waive a filing fee and faked an order in a child custody case involving her child and a family member

 

Police ID pastor accused of urinating on female Delta passenger: ?He peed on me!?

 

According to the passenger named Alicia Beverly, told police she woke up on the plane around 2:45am to find a man urinating on her.  After Beverly yelled ?He peed on me,? the Pastor said ?I peed on her, I thought I was going to the bathroom?

 

?Big Pile? of eels dumped in NYC park; impact not yet known

 

After dumping the eels in the lake, the man walked away, explaining to bystanders that ?I just want to save lives? New York has a long history of people releasing animals. In 1890, Shakespeare enthusiasts released a flock of 60 European starlings(birds) that destroyed crops and snarl jet engines 

 

California billionaire Bill Gross accused of blaring ?Gilligan?s Island? theme song on loop at his neighbor

 

Gross was frustrated that he was forced by the city to take down a series of lighting and netting that blocked the neighbors view.  The neighbor told Gross to turn the music down and he responded ?Peace on all fronts or we?ll just have nightly concerts big boy?

 

Prescription drugs reported in children?s Halloween candy after California event 

 

At a trunk or treat where kids would get candy through their windows, Police reported that a mother called after she found a resealable plastic bag with four blue pills and a white tablet in her child?s bag of candy Recommended to parents to go through their children?s candy piece by piece before they eat any of it 

 

Headless horseman brings music, double-takes to Concord, MA Man rides bicycle with no hands playing guitar while in a headless horseman costume Bicyclist says he has started to play the trumpet instead of the guitar on some days He has fallen, he said, but no serious falls as the headless horseman though 

 

Story 1

Newly Sworn-In ACB Immediately Orders All Nation's Women To Wear Handmaid's Outfit

Summary:WASHINGTON, D.C.?After being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice, Amy Coney Barrett immediately issued a decree that all women are to wear red handmaid's outfits for the rest of their lives.

"Execute papal order 66," she said, her eyes glowing red. "Implement the theocratic state."

ACB was confirmed on a party line vote in the Senate 52-48 with only one Republican Susan Collins voting NO. 'No': Graham Shuts Down Democrats' Attempts to Delay ACB Vote Graham says that after what they did to Kavanaugh he is a changed man and didn?t seem to have any tolerance for what they were trying to do. Democrat Harry Reid got rid of the rule requiring a supermajority to end debate over a nominee in 2013 so these narrow votes are able to get through.

Story 2 

 Democrats Propose Stopping Coyotes By Distracting Them With Decoy Roadrunners

Summary: After Trump brought attention to the coyote epidemic at the southern border during the debates, Democrats on Twitter are offering unique solutions to the problem, such as setting up decoy roadrunners to distract the coyotes.

Trump brought up coyotes bringing immigrants over the border. Liberals freaked out on Twitter and it was hilarious.

https://twitter.com/SophNar0747/status/1319524700721192967

USA Today Factcheck: Fact check: Trump did not mean actual 'coyotes' take children across the border

A "coyote," also known as "el coyote" is a term for people who smuggle others across borders in exchange for payment.

Story 3

After Thanksgiving Banned, Californians To Hold Turkey Barbecues In Honor Of Black Lives Matter On November 26

Summary: CALIFORNIA?Gavin Newsom has effectively banned Thanksgiving from California, requiring celebrating households to have only a few people, no bathroom usage, two-hour maximums, and individual plates.

Californians all announced they are complying with the plan and instead of celebrating Thanksgiving will be holding Black Lives Matter turkey barbecues scheduled, coincidentally, for November 26. 

Topic of the Week

Scary Stuff We Like

Ethan: 

Movies: 

Exorcism of Emily Rose 

Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness

Bad Taste, Dead Alive (Braindead)

The Babadook

Troll 2

Birdemic

the Thing (Kurt Russell)

Get Out

Shaun of the Dead

Gremlins

Spielberg?s War of the Worlds

The Monster Squad

Riki Oh

Dead Heat

Books: 

Brave Ollie Possum!

Babylon Bee Writers recommend the Cat which has a kung fu fight between a cat and dog

Kyle:

Movies: 

New Blumhouse series - The Lie, Black Box, Nocturne, Evil Eye. It Follows The Witch Misery The Shining Cabin in the Woods Happy Death Day Alien Get Out The Invisible Man A Quiet Place 2017?s It Zombieland Color Out of Space 1922 Doctor Sleep Black Sheep 

Books:

The Shining Pet Sematary Misery Salem?s Lot Frankenstein Something Wicked This Way Comes Carrie Lovecraft: At the Mountains of Madness, The Festival, The Rats in the Walls, The Shadow over Innsmouth, Colour out of Space

 

Hate Mail

 

Check out some of the best Hate Tweets that are doing their best at hurting Kyle and Ethan?s feelings. 

 

Subscriber Lounge

 

Behind the Scenes Update of the Studio being installed Updates on the Babylon Bee Book being sent out Kyle and Ethan read from the mailbag about their experiences with Christian Worship music Bonus hate mail from a reader that discourages Lebron wearing Lace to Basketball games Exclusive cool Ethan and Kyle stories  Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to [email protected]

 

 

2020-10-30
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Doug Wilson Talks Worshipers Being Arrested/Sex Robots/Postmillennialism

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Doug Wilson. Doug is a pastor, author of over 90 books, most recently of Ride, Sally, Ride, and the host of Man Rampant. His church got in the news recently for a non-socially distanced, unmasked Psalm Sing in Moscow, Idaho that landed several members of their church in jail. They talk about what happened at the Psalm Sing, churches disengaging with the culture and politics, and why a Christian would write a book about sex robots.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Get 10% off your first month.

Topics Discussed: 

The Moscow Psalm Sing The Doug Wilson Cult and complex in Moscow The Fight, Laugh, Feast network Churches being politically active and engaging the culture or not Churches meeting or not because of COVID-19 Partisan politics- is it a sin to vote for Joe Biden? Dead people voting Controversy surrounding Doug Wilson Slavery, William Wilberforce Revolution vs. Reformation as means of change, applying this to abortion Postmillennialism in the year 2020 Mark of the Beast going on facemasks Writing books about sex robots like Ride, Sally, Ride Appropriateness of lewd, shocking things in Christian art

 

 

Subscriber Portion

What the heck is Federal Vision? Doug Wilson?s respectful relationship and debate with atheist Christopher Hitchens The Ten Questions Doug tells an awesome fistfight story Kyle and Ethan de-convert Doug Wilson Kyle and Ethan Post-Show
2020-10-27
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Trump Tweets The Bee/Jordan Peterson Returns/Facebook Kills Comedy News Show 10.23.2020

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/23/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s top stories like President Trump tweeting out a Babylon Bee story, Jordan Peterson returning with the 12 Rules For Life on stone tablets, and how Facebook is murdering comedy. The Babylon Bee also has some updated and more realistic travel posters to America?s big cities. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie.

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan joke about our recent spat with Mark Zuckerberg and dive into the weekly news.

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes the 2018 video game Celeste. 

Ethan likes I survived...

Weird News

Space Station air leak repaired with help from floating tea leaves

There was a slow air leak in a transfer chamber on the space station that suddenly got worse Astronauts broke open a tea bag to watch the leaves float toward where the leak was so they could use tape to seal it.

'Breathable Bacon' face mask gives wearers the aroma of bacon

 A U.S. company is offering fans of breakfast meats the chance to enjoy the scent of sizzling pork anytime they want with a bacon-scented face mask. Hormel said the Black Label Breathable Bacon mask uses the "the latest in bacon-smell technology" to give the wearer the experience of smelling bacon anytime they don the protection accessory. Do they make a soy version?

Naked teen taken into custody after damaging business, covering himself in ranch dressing and crashing car. 

Sheriffs responded to a call at 3:30am and found a naked 17 year old man who was under the influence of a substance  The man had covered himself in ranch dressing and damaged property inside the business He ran outside and drove off. Didn?t get far and crashed into a pillar.  He must do penance by covering himself in CFA sauce

Tennessee teenager's homemade fusion reactor lands Guinness record

the world's youngest person to achieve nuclear fusion after officials verified that he built his own nuclear fusion reactor at his family's home and successfully used it in his final hours of being 12 years old. Tony Stark?

Blindfolded man smashes 50 coconuts around another man's body

 An Indian martial artist showed off his strength and precision when he donned a blindfold and smashed 50 coconuts that were arranged around the body of another man. They were given a Guinness World Record The men, Rakesh B and Prabhakar Reddy P, were awarded the Guinness record for most coconuts smashed around a person blindfolded in 1 minute. Kyle would like to protest these absolutely ridiculous records What?s next? Most toothpicks covered in Crisco fit into a microwave?

Story 1

Check Out These Eight Beautiful Travel Posters For America's Democrat-Controlled Cities

Summary: U.S.?With people leaving Democrat cities in droves, mayors and city councils are hoping to fill them back up again -- with tourists! 

Maybe it's time to give these cities a second chance. Check out these beautiful tourism posters from Democrat-controlled cities around the country! 

Read the posters and the punchline, keep it tight, video version will display the posters

Story 2

Trump Shares Babylon Bee Article, Thousands Accept Jesus Into Their Hearts

Summary: WASHINGTON, D.C.?Thousands around the world are forsaking their sins and receiving Christ this week after Trump shared an article from The Babylon Bee.

The Babylon Bee is widely known as the most Christian website ever created. In fact, it is so insanely Christian that a single share on social media has the power to instantly save hundreds of souls. According to sources, Trump was ignorant of this fact before sharing the article.

 

USA TODAY: Trump tweets satirical news story: What is Babylon Bee and is it 'fake news'?

 

The knowingly fake story came from Babylon Bee, a satire site with a conservative bent, and claimed, in jest, that Twitter was shutting down its platform to prevent the spread of negative news about Democratic nominee Joe Biden. "Wow, this has never been done in history. This includes his really bad interview last night. Why is Twitter doing this," Trump tweeted. Also mentioned: Video of Trump being normal guy at church in Las Vegas.

Story 3

Jordan Peterson Returns To Find Americans Worshiping Golden Statue Of Karl Marx, Breaks 12 Rules For Life In Anger

Summary: After a year-long excursion into the belly of the beast, Dr. Jordan Peterson emerged this week and was dismayed to find millions of Americans worshipping at the altar of a golden Karl Marx statue. Overtaken with righteous anger, he smashed his stone tablets containing 12 Rules for Life into tiny pieces. 

Jordan Peterson seems to be back posting to his YouTube channel a video entitled Return Home. He had been out of the public eye for a very long time with a severe reaction he had to a anti-anxiety medication he had been taking as prescribed but became chemically dependent upon when he tried to cease taking it He ended his video by saying, ?"With God's grace and mercy, I'll be able to start generating original material once again and pick up where I left off." We are interviewing Mikhaila soon so stay tuned for that!

Topic of the Week: Facebookgate and the challenges of writing comedy for the internet

Facebook took down  this facebook post Senator Hirono Demands ACB Be Weighed Against A Duck To See If She Is A Witch 'It's literally a regurgitated joke from a Monty Python movie!" the Bee's CEO exclaimed. Facebook completely deactivated any monetizing tools for us on their site. Kyle?s tweet thread about this. What makes writing comedy for the internet difficult? How the articles are seen, shared, received, etc. It?s like a comedy show where you can?t talk to the audience directly. Instead, you must tell your jokes to Mark Zuckerberg. Then, he edits your joke and walks out to your audience and tells them the ones he finds appropriate. You?re never sure if a ?bomb? is your fault or Mark?s. Check out Kyle?s op-ed in Thursday?s edition of the WSJ Kyle mentioned this Vulture article on how Facebook is killing comedy Funny or Die was thriving, then Facebook came along. They fired a bunch of their writers ?cause it was impossible to write for Facebook?s algorithm. Every post throttled, etc.

Hate Mail

We get some very fiery Scottish rendition of this week?s hate mail.

Subscriber Lounge

A more structured Subscriber Portion! Book updates and office updates  Mailbag Mega Bonus Hate Mail Headline Forum Exclusive cool Ethan and Kyle stories Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to [email protected]
2020-10-23
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The Tolkien And Lewis Bromance: The Diana Glyer Interview

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Diana Glyer, author of Bandersnatch: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and the Creative Collaboration of the Inklings.. She has spent 40 years combing through archives, studying old manuscripts, and is considered a leading expert on C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. Her scholarship, her teaching, and her work as an artist all circle back to one common theme: creativity thrives in community. Kyle and Ethan talk to Dr. Glyer about Tolkien, Lewis, and the creativity that can happen in a community like The Inklings.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans 

Topics Discussed

Who were The Inklings? How does Creativity thrive in community? Tom Bombadil and the quiet ?homely home? portions of LOTR Peter Jackson?s Lord Of The Rings trilogy ?There are no dentists in Mordor? Tolkien caused C.S. Lewis to throw Narnia in the trash at one point  Differences between C.S. Lewis and Tolkien The Chronicles Of Narnia C.S. Lewis? journey to faith and Tolkien?s consistent prayer for his friend G.K. Chesterton?s The Everlasting Man  influencing Lewis What was going on in the third book of Lewis? Space Trilogy? Humans being sub-creators, Mythopoeia How much pipe weed did the Inklings go through? What is a Bandersnatch? Artists need brutally honest criticism to be better Diana likes our Decaf Condemned As Heresy mugs and Mt. Writemore mugs in our store

 

 

Subscriber Portion 

Which of these modern writers make it into The Inklings or have been promptly kicked out? The Chronicles of Narnia movies How well did Christopher Tolkien manage to expand his father?s work? Amazon?s Lord of the Rings series gets the Game of Thrones treatment The Hobbit movies Drama and conflicts in The Inklings Dyson is the Yoko of the group The Ten Questions
2020-10-20
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Merriam-Webster Gaslighting/Orange Ball Worship/What Voters Deserve News Show 10.16.2020

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/16/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like ACB using a crucifix to defend herself from the Senate, Los Angeles allowing a large religious gathering after the Lakers win, and Biden telling voters they don?t deserve to know if he will enact a glorious communist utopia if elected. Kyle and Ethan also talk about the angry comments on the New York Times piece on The Babylon Bee and how dictionaries now are engaging in gaslighting the populace.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Introduction

Welcome to The Babylon Bee where we talk about the news and have an animation playlist on YouTube...

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes Stephen King?s On Writing.

Ethan likes Gran Torino.

Weird News

Herd of charging cows in England kill second man in month

 

Police are looking for witnesses to help with the investigation in who?s causing the charging cows 

 

 Thai hotel seeks deal with guest facing jail over bad reviews 

 

Thailand?s criminal defamation and computer crimes acts, he could be fined up to 100,000 baht ($3,200) as well as facing jail time.  Reviewer said he was mad about a 500 baht ($16) corkage fee

 

Reporter confronts aggressive raccoon outside White House

 

The incident was not the first confrontation between the media and racoons at the White House.  Reporter quoted ?Frickin? raccoons, man. God, again! This is the second time! Jesus...It always comes around right around when I?m about to go on TV...get!

 

Ex-jail employees charged for playing ?Baby Shark? on repeat

 

Jail employees forced inmates to stand handcuffed for hours and listen to ?Baby Shark? on repeat

 

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Democrats Hiss In Terror As ACB Pulls Out Crucifix

Summary:  Amy Coney Barrett has eloquently defended herself through the Senate confirmation hearings this morning. But as Dems grew increasingly vicious, she was forced to turn to desperate measures. After several hours of hearings, Barrett pulled out a large crucifix and held it aloft. A light shone from the heavens, and the Democrats knew they were defeated.

ACB took questions beginning Monday from the Senate about her judicial philosophy of originalism and how she would decide on cases related to the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) and Roe V Wade. "I've made no commitment to anyone, not in this Senate, not over in the White House, about how I would decide any case,? said Judge Amy Coney Barrett ?I?m not willing to make a deal, not with this committee, not with the President.? Sen. Mazie Hirono asks ACB "since you became a legal adult, have you ever made unwanted requests for sexual favors or committed any verbal or physical harassment or assault of a sexual nature?" @Erikrosalesnews tweeted: What is so amazing, Judge Amy Coney Barrett is testifying with only a small note pad and a pencil. She is a former law professor who is often correcting Senators on the details of the cases headed to the Supreme Court. She is schooling lawmakers. When she was confirmed as a Federal judge 3 years ago, Sen. Diane Feinstein said, ?The dogma lives loudly with you.? The new Dem talking point is to scream loudly about Court Packing which nominating ACB is not. Here?s Dan Rather to illustrate.

Story 2

L.A. Mayor Allows Large Religious Gathering Outside Staples Center

Summary: Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti, having opposed large religious gatherings in his city for the past 7 months, has suddenly reversed course, allowing a large worship service to take place in the streets of the city last night. Despite the ban on religious gatherings, the worshipers came together to honor their god, LeBron James, in a spontaneous outpouring of love and praise. Worshipers in this religion, rather than singing songs or saying prayers, topple cars and throw things at the police.

Mayor Garcetti and Governor Gavin Newsom have famously been harassing churches that try to meet in defiance of the social distancing rules like Grace Community Church and John MacArthur They seemingly have no problem with BLM/ANTIFA marches and now everyone massing in the streets to celebrate the Lakers winning the NBA championship Did anyone watch it? There?s no salvaging these awful NBA Finals ratings

Story 3

Biden: 'I Won't Reveal Whether I Plan On Abolishing The Constitution And Establishing A Glorious Communist Utopia Until After I'm Elected'

Summary: Joe Biden was asked yet again today if he plans to abolish the Constitution, overthrow Congress, dismiss the Supreme Court, and set up a Communist regime to take their place. Once again, Biden refused to answer the question, saying voters will find out whether he plans to seize the means of production and institute a one-party rule, U.S.S.R.-style.

"Look, if I tell you whether or not I plan to institute a new Communist order, establishing a glorious worker-led revolution that will lead us out of this capitalistic nightmare and into a paradisical utopia, that would become the headline," Biden said. "That would be playing Trump's game. So I'm not going to say whether I support this great idea."

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have been dodging the question of whether they would consider packing the Supreme Court Biden says voters don?t deserve to know his position on court-packing. 

Topic of the Week: Even the dictionaries are beginning to gaslight people. The dictionary changed a word because of a moment at the ACB SCOTUS hearing to make something she said ?offensive.?

 

Kyle?s Orwell tweet about the definition being changed in a day to make ?sexual preference? defined as ?offensive

 

Hate Mail

Sit back for these awesome comments to the recent NYT mostly peaceful piece on The Babylon Bee. Their readers were not happy.

Subscriber Portion

Kyle and Ethan talk about peanuts and a terrible yard sign you?ve probably seen around town.

2020-10-16
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Greg Koukl Talks Owning Atheist Celebrities/Converting Lady Gaga/20th Century Horrors

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

This is the Babylon Bee Interview Show.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan welcome back Christian apologist Greg Koukl of Stand To Reason. He is the author of Tactics and The Story of Reality. They analyze celebrity quotes about God and religion, discuss the horrors of the 20th century world wars, and reveal how Greg would convert Lady Gaga in 30 seconds using his tactics. They also get into the concept of ?wokeness? and how awful a lot of modern worship songs really are.

 To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Topics Discussed

The Greg Koukl Vs. Deepak Chopra faceoff Celebrity quotes about God (Woody Allen, Penn Jillette, Ricky Gervais, H.P. Lovecraft, Lady Gaga)  Running the Gauntlet Douglas Axe?s book Undeniable  The Strawman Fallacy Religion causing more war than atheism?  Lenin, Stalin, Mao, and Hitler Indoctrination and reading non-Christian books Illiberal bullying and bludgeoning Christian schools excluding non-Christians ?Practical suicide? (Being what you condemn) ?LGBTQ Christians? Converting Lady Gaga in 30 seconds using Tactics Critical Race Theory infiltrating the church Intersectionality and social justice Greg?s book Tactics Greg?s book The Story of Reality

Subscriber Portion

Stephen Colbert and atheists/agnostics Jordan Peterson?s tactics on this interview On not being good enough or virtuous enough to become a Christian? What the Bible says about ?wokeness?  Subscriber-submitted questions Is God?s love reckless? And other thoughts on modern worship songs Miscellaneous heresies The Ten Questions
2020-10-13
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Get Dead Soon/Fact Checks/Bee Kid Pitches News Show 10.9.2020

This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 10/9/2020.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week?s biggest stories like Democrats hoping Trump ?gets dead soon? after coming down with coronavirus, USA Today keeping the internet safe from satire, and Bee kids sending The Babylon Bee their best headline pitches. Kyle and Ethan also talk about murderous witches, Satanic billboards, and fat bears and get a chance to speak with filmmaker Matt Chastain about his new movie Small Group.

Introduction

Kyle hatches a scheme to fly across the country to be with his family and Kyle and Ethan discuss how kids age a parent.

Stuff That?s Good

Kyle likes his son?s  YouTube channel Punk Rock Kid

Ethan likes Brian Regan

Weird News

Teen secures record for world's longest female legs She is from Texas, 17 years old, 6?10? and has the longest legs record but not tallest woman (who happens to be 7?3? from Russia) Taller than Doug TenNapel Palm tree takes trimmer for wild ride high over the ground A tree trimmer in California went for a wild ride on a tall palm tree when cutting the fronds free caused the tree trunk to whip upright from a bent-over position. Man puts 125 scoops on an ice cream cone for world record The 125 scoops were balanced on a single waffle cone US jails man who bought Lamborghini with government loan He took out a 1.6 million dollar loan from the government for coronavirus lockdown aid and got noticed when he spent  200 grand on the car. Accused Killer Convinced Her Tinder Date to Join Murderous Coven of Witches The couple accused of fatally strangling 24-year-old Sydney Loofe after wooing her on a dating app allegedly convinced at least one other Tinder date that they controlled a coven of witches who gained their powers by killing people. ?To get your power, you have to breathe in their last breath,? a witness, referred to on the stand as A.H., testified Satanic Temple Sues Billboard Company for Declining Abortion ?Religious Ritual? Advertisements They?re trying to argue their religious freedom demands their right to an abortion and are suing the billboard company for religious discrimination for not putting up their billboard Fat Bear Week 2020 crowns chunkster "Earl of Avoirdupois" as fattest bear Each week people had to vote between two bears on who they think is the fattest in a bracket The winner was 1400 pounds roughly

Kindergarten teacher gets fired for tattooing his eyeballs black 

Kindergarten teacher has spent 450 hours under the tattoo gun and still teaches ages 6 and up. Check out the picture!

Stories of the Week

Story 1 

Trump?s Hospital Room Flooded With 'Get Dead Soon' Cards From Democrats

Summary:  It?s been a trying time for the country and President Donald Trump as he has been stuck at Walter Reed Medical Center trying to get better. Keeping Trump company is a flood of cards from Democrats wishing him to ?Get dead soon.?

?I hope you die!?, ?You deserve this!?, and ?I want you to die and go to hell -- Russian hell!? read some of the cards sent by poor-wishers, cards that now decorate the president's room. Such cards have become so popular that Hallmark has added a ?For Sick Presidents You Don?t Like? section, including some humorous ones where a cartoon cat dances on Trump?s grave.

Trump got COVID, so did a bunch of people at the White House. Media seemed pretty pumped that the President could die on Friday when it was announced that he has contracted the virus Trump walked himself to the helicopter on the White House lawn to go to the hospital ?out of an abundance of caution? He posted several photos and videos over the weekend showing him working and thanking his supporters. Internet conspiracies went nuts about reflections on the table in the photos, the timestamps in the exif data, Trump seemingly signing a blank piece of paper i.e. ?He staged these photos! He?s not working or he doesn?t have COVID!? The Media and bluecheck types seemed to either think Trump was faking COVID or was covering up how bad his situation was.  Trump rode around in an SUV to thank gathered supporters and wave Trump was released from the hospital Monday.

Story 2

Governor Whitmer Refuses To Throw Ring Of Power Back Into Fires Of Mount Doom

Summary: In legal news, a Michigan Supreme Court has ordered Governor Gretchen Whitmer to throw the Ring of Power, which she has wielded to enact tyrannical coronavirus restrictions upon her citizens, back into the fires of Mount Doom.

"Nooo! Not my precious!" Whitmer screamed as the state Supreme Court handed down the order to destroy the Ring. "Nasty, nasty Constitution! We don't likes it! Nasty, fat Founding Fathers!" She turned and left.

The court ruled 4-3 that Whitmer's decision to declare a state of emergency without approval from state legislators was unconstitutional She could declare a state of emergency but must get approval for extension "after 28 days? according to the law The plaintiffs in the case were health care providers who could not perform ?nonessential? medical procedures due to the extension Also Mentioned: Go to our Youtube Channel and check out a music video that seemed like it came out forever ago.

Story 3

USA Today Publishes Fact-Check On Whether A Priest, A Rabbi, And A Minister Really Walked Into A Bar Together

Summary: After hearing someone tell a questionable story about how a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked into a bar together, USA Today published a 1,200-word fact check on the tall tale. Citing over 15 sources to cast doubt on the story, USA Today handily dismantled the fib. 

The Babylon Bee ran this story: Genius Trump Nominates Joe Biden To Supreme Court Forcing Dems To Accuse Him Of Sexual Assault

 

USA TODAY actually fact checked this article with their story: Fact check: False claim suggesting Trump nominated Biden to the Supreme Court started out as satire

 

They also fact checked Ninth Circuit Court Overturns Death Of Ruth Bader Ginsburg How many sources did they use to show this was factually inaccurate, morally true?

Topic of the Week: 

Christians making movies with Small Group Director Matt Chastain.

Also we asked subscribers to Send Us The Best Headline Pitches From Your Kids.

Hate Mail

We got a comment about the quiet man in plaid and the liberal in the Legend of Zelda t-shirt.

Subscriber Portion

MAILBAG

Sarah sends us a message asking about whether or not every Christian ought to have a ?road to Damascus? conversion moment or a sense that ?God told me? to know which way to go in life.

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans

2020-10-09
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Kevin Sorbo Talks Being A Conservative Christian in Hollywood

This is The Babylon Bee Interview Show.

Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more.

In this episode, Kyle and Ethan talk to Kevin Sorbo. An outspoken actor, producer, and director, Kevin is perhaps best known for playing Hercules and, in Christian circles, for playing the angry atheist professor in God?s Not Dead. Kevin and his wife Sam have a new book together called True Faith: Embracing Adversity to Live in God's Light. Kyle and Ethan talk to Kevin about how he found true strength after suffering a stroke, married the Golden Hind, and now works to make movies that aren?t just for Christian audiences, but for everyone. 

Topics Discussed

Golfing with Donald Trump and Jesse Ventura Hercules being the top show on television Having a stroke and going from Hercules to mere mortal Kull The Conqueror Don?t go to Dr. Die or Dr. Slaughter Writing True Strength and becoming a speaker Kissing stunt doubles Conservative, Christian heterosexual and looking for work in Hollywood Protect the sea turtle eggs, abort the fetuses? Kevin is working on a new show The World According To Billy Potwin Making movies that aren?t just for one audience Sorbo?s other recent work: Let There Be Light, What If?, God?s Not Dead, Miracle In East Texas Mask politics  ANTIFA Marrying the Golden Hind Disappointed! Hercules crew working on LOTR Bad TV props True Faith

Subscriber Portion

Kevin Sorbo gives more juicy Hollywood stories What not to call your wife when she?s pregnant Before The Wrath Kyle and Ethan pitch Kevin Sorbo on some Christian movies that must be made Walking Tall: Lone Justice and Walking Tall: The Payback Hollywood regrets and frustrations The Ten Questions

To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

2020-10-06
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